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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

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Original poster

coming out to antenatal class

13 replies

soapybubble · 18/11/2008 17:05

Any tips on coming out to the rest of the group in the antenatal class?
I just feel a bit awkward at the moment as all the talk is about 'hubbies'. Not helped by the fact that my dw has a gender non-specific name.
Guess I just need to bite the bullet!

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Elk · 18/11/2008 17:21

Why do you have to? Can't it just 'come out' naturally in a converstion with the ones you get on best with after all they are the only ones that matter as they will be the ones you see after the birth. I only ever saw 3 out of the other 10 in my class once the classes had finished.

hester · 18/11/2008 22:04

It's not always to get the timing right, is it soapy? Quite often, there is no natural opportunity to come out, while everybody is building up intimacy, then people feel awkward when it does come out - as if you've been holding something back.

I only did a weekend course antenatally, and dp came with me, so we were out right from the start.

Can I just ask if you are out to the course leader? Is this an NHS or NCT class? Because NCT has done some work on this issue and their course leaders should be making sure it's a comfortable environment for you.

I think Elk's right that it's easier to do one-on-one with people you particularly like the look of.

kayjayel · 18/11/2008 22:07

It might depend on whether you're expecting to be friends with people - when I'm not bothered about that I just blurt it out whenever it comes up, when I want to be friends I try to let it slip early in a way that lets them react (or not ) privately. E.g. saying it then quickly moving the subject on, or just as we're leaving the door, or letting it get round as gossip. Generally my tip is the sooner the better! Have tried both ways and earlier was easier and less stressful, then it all gets forgotton and you move on.

Oh and my other tip is to tell someone who will gossip, then you don't have to 'tell' lots of people. Hope pregnancy going well!

Original poster

soapybubble · 20/11/2008 21:04

Thanks for all the comments.
Really helpful.
My DP and I have signed up for the NCT course, and they already have us down as being a same sex couple for that, so you were right hester, it looks like they have already done some work around that.
The NHS classes are weekly and most of them are only open to the me (and not to both of us) and I suppose I have assumed that people make an assumption by the fact that you are pregnant that you are straight (I may be wrong with that!)
I like the idea of making some new friends who are new mums at the same time, and I know that if friends are worth having it'll not be a problem at all. There are a couple of women who I'd like to get to know.
Right then. Fully reassured. Sits up straight, takes deep breath and heads off to next week's class. I'll let you know how I get on

OP posts:

hester · 20/11/2008 21:22

Be brave! Antenatal groups vary, but the women in mine were really lovely. None of them turned a hair about me being gay, and I am still friends with all of them. Three years on, we still meet up most weeks.

julietbat · 26/11/2008 20:39

I'd agree with hester. if you haven't already had your class this week i'd say just go for it. i went to NCT classes and they were all, without exception, great people and totally accepting of us. In fact, I found out after our babies were born (8/9 months ago) that a couple of the dads had 'learnt a lot' from seeing a lesbian couple going through what they were going through and meeting us had 'destroyed a few stereotypes'. Glad to be of service then. I count them all as good friends of mine now and really value their support.

IMO if you assume no-one will have a problem, no-one usually does! (or have I just been really lucky?!)

And if you've already been to your class, how did it go?

RibenaBerry · 26/11/2008 20:44

I have to admit I would probably default to the assumption that all the pregnant women around me were also heterosexual. TBH, I'd be a bit if someone came out to me. Not because they were gay, but because I'd made the assumption IYSWIM. Anyone worth knowing will be fine

MarxAndSparks · 29/11/2008 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

soapybubble · 07/12/2008 19:01

Hi all
Sorry about the delayed reply.
The last NHS antenatal class was this week and it was open to partners as well...so we both went along - and I guess that pretty much was the 'outing' I needed!
The only funny part was the midwife who kept referring to "Dad's" but I think that is just a default setting all midwife's have and my DW is very tolerant of this.
Have agreed to meet up with a couple of the other women after christmas
Thanks for all the support

OP posts:

hester · 08/12/2008 21:16

So pleased it went well, soapybubble. Have a great Christmas!

dsrplus8 · 09/12/2008 10:34

, pleased it went ok! families are all different now , who cares how they are put together, its the bonds between you that count!, good luck with the pregnancy,when are you due?

CJ75 · 03/04/2009 10:48

I think bringing partner is great idea and what we did, what was funny is that we weren't the only gay couple so there were 4 straight couples and 2 lesbian couples. The NCT was totally unphased and this was hertfordshire so I wuldn't worry at all. I realise I am too late for you but others may read

CJ75 · 03/04/2009 10:58

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