Advice needed on lesbian dating and friendship dynamics please

[LuLu345678]

I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months. I recently met her group of friends (all lesbians) for the first time. One specific friend—who is single—has been acting very intense toward me, and I’m looking for perspective on whether this is a crush or if I’m overthinking the "vibes."

The Behavior:

The Staring: She stares at me. Especially the first meeting. Not just casual glances, but "deer in headlights" eye contact. I’ve caught her watching me across the room and looking at my body when I stand up.

When I was having photos with my gf I could see her staring at me. She was watching my interactions with the photographer too.
Me and my gf kissed and it was caught on video. She was in the background looking at us with a sad look on her face.

The "Spark": We had a deep conversation about a high-profile legal case involving an affair. The eye contact was incredibly intense; I felt a very strong physical/emotional spark in that moment.

Hot & Cold: At our second meeting, she was "cooler" but still tried to engage me. However, when she realized I went out of my way to buy her a drink, she got awkward and went silent.

The "Adorable" Comment: I was being emotionally open. In front of my girlfriend, she moved into my personal space, looked at my mouth, and told me I was "adorable" and a "really good person." She seemed overwhelmed while saying it. She went to touch me but pulled back. She kept insisting she just knew I was good from the moment she met me. I have met her twice and the one on one interactions have been fairly brief.

The Exit: When we left the pub, she watched me go with a totally expressionless, lingering stare.

The Complication: My girlfriend has started "bitching" about this friend lately. When I asked what this friend’s "type" is, my girlfriend admitted, "It's probably you." Apparently, the friend is also singing my praises to her whenever I’m not around.

This woman is apparently known for being quite intense. I haven’t noticed her doing the very intense eye contact with other people though.

I love my girlfriend and even held her hand to create a boundary when the friend was being intense, but the tension is becoming undeniable.

I am newly out and I worry that maybe my gfs friend does not take the relationship that seriously for that reason? I have no experience really with queer dating or flirting other than my gf. So it’s a bit of a minefield. This woman is also 10 years older than me.

Is this friend crossing a line, or is this just "new person" energy? How should I handle this without causing drama in my girlfriend's friend group?

if anyone has any general advice on lesbian dating and friendship dynamics that would be appropriated to. I understand there can be a lot of overlap. I’m feeling quite new to this and like I’m playing catch up! Thanks

Haven’t you told your girlfriend how you feel?

It looks like you used AI to write your post - perhaps also get the AI to help you work out what to say to your GF. Although I think you just need to be honest with her.

Thanks for your responses, I wanted to be sure her behaviour was inappropriate and not just intense in a platonic way before I mentioned anything. Yes there was more to the story but I asked AI to condense it to make it easier to read

It sounds as if your GF considers the behaviour inappropriate so the best thing you can do is discuss it with her & come up with a way to handle it together.

it certainly does seem like she has a crush on you but saying you felt a physical/emotional spark yourself is far more concerning and suggests it may not be a one-sided feeling. it’s normal to have close, emotionally intimate and loving platonic friendships with other women regardless of your sexuality, but when it comes to someone you barely know behaving in this way and you potentially being viewed as engaging with it, it could become a problem. your gf sounds (understandably) wary of the situation, and if you value your relationship i would very much recommend taking an approach of reassurance backed up by actions - not engaging with this woman beyond pleasantries, not going out of your way to do things for her, and avoiding deep and intense conversations.

I've been out since I was a very young teen and have had several friend groups, some of mainly gay people (men and women) and some of mainly straight people.

My advice is that, all in all, inappropriate behaviour is inappropriate behaviour. This woman sounds like a complete twat if she thinks it is accept

Apologies, my phone is being silly.

This behaviour is just not acceptable; gay, bi or straight, it doesn't matter. It is really immature and awful to flirt with someone's significant other, and in front of them no less. It would not be unreasonable to end a friendship due to that.

I've met intense women like this before, and no matter who they fancy, they tend to create drama, act inappropriately in ways they can get away with because they're women (and therefore seen as less of a risk) and in general be very unpleasant to be around and use people to validate their egos. Ultimately it's your life and you know best, but imagine if it was your girlfriend getting all the strange attention, or if it was a man doing this to you. It wouldn't be right.

Very late posting on your thread I know! But thought I’d give my opinion being, a lesbian with many years of experience of the scene & lesbian friendships & relationship dynamics. Lesbian friendship groups tend to be very incestuous. They’re all fucking each other/have fucked each other in the past/are exes. It’s likely this girl and your gf will have slept together in the past, maybe the girl is now playing some sort of weird mind game because she’s actually jealous of you rather than your gf. But more likely she just really fancies you and is clearly a rubbish friend to your gf. I’d keep as far away from her as possible (although it sounds like you don’t really want to..)

Just ignore her, no need for any drama.