Talking to my daughter about her sexuality

[SW1974]

Hi - my daughter is 15 next month. She has been in a very typical straight friend group (very cliquey) and in the past few months has made new friends including one girl she has become very close to. I knew things had got difficult with the friend group in the autumn term but seemed to have settled down. However, with the return to school there haas been a big incident, which resulted in the school calling me to say she had been in tears. I thought is was regular bullying and encouraged her to move away from her old friends, who really weren’t very supportive to her. I had wondered whether it was more than friendship with her new friends, (who is more obviously LGBT than my daughter) and my husband and I had discussed it as a possibility. It is not a problem for us btw… anyway, after hearing DD was having problems at school, my sister rang me tonight to say that my daughter told her daughter over Christmas that she is a
in a relationship with this girl and they have come out at school. She is still young and although I’m ok with her having a relationship with a girl I think they are too young to be having a physical relationship. They have had sleepovers before but I’m not sure on an emotional level this is a good thing at 14/15. What are your thoughts? I want to be able to talk to her about it, making sure she feels secure and supported. Anyone been through the same?

I had my first boyfriend around that age, I think you either enable them to openly have a relationship or they'll go and do what they want elsewhere.

Regardless, I think it's important for you to foster a relationship with your own daughter where she feels she can be open with you and emotionally supported.

It's interesting that she didn't let you know she was seeing someone already - it might be worth figuring out why she didn't tell you and see if there is something that needs fixing in your relationship or did she just incorrectly assume you wouldn't be supportive of a same sex relationship

Thanks for your response. I was about the same age when I had my first boyfriend too, so am not worried about that. The broaching it resolved itself, as she heard DH and I discussing what to say and came in the room to talk about it. I said we are happy for her to be in a same sex relationship - but need to apply the same rules we would with a boy - ie no sleepovers on their own. I think that is too intense too soon. She looked a bit surprised and questioned what I thought they were doing as she is too young for sex. I agreed and said that’s why. Obviously she is not going to get pregnant as she could with a boy, but I’m worried it might all be too much emotionally. The girl has told her mum and given me her mum’s number, so it all feels appropriate. I just hope it settles down at school for her, as her old friend group were very important to her and she is very upset by how they have reacted. She doesn’t want me to speak to the school and make things worse, so I’ll keep an eye for now and get involved if needed. As per my previous post they are aware to some degree as well.