What am I?

[Continuouslyunclear]

For a while I've been questioning myself and what I am. I didn't think of myself as being attracted to women but always put it down to admiration or wanting to be like them. I dated lads and then when I was 18/19 I started to question my sexuality and then dated girls for a few years. Then met a lad and then only dated men since but for the last few years I've been thinking about being with women again. I am only attracted to a certain type of woman though, so day to day i wouldn't even pay any attention to lasses and it wouldn't even enter my mind about intimacy etc but I always notice that type of woman that I'm attracted to and its both physically and sexually. At the time of my first experience id had a car accident and when I was with men my mum expressed her dislike to gay people and how me being with a girl was due to the head injury I had and I dont feel accepted being anything other than straight but is liking only a select number of girls enough to be classed as anything other than straight...

You could be/are bi-sexual. As a straight female myself, I admire some women and appreciate their physical form and warmth but there's no way on god's green earth that I would have a sexual relationship with them. I just couldn't. I like men too much, I like PIV (look it up).
Even as a straight female, I don't fancy all men, there has to be a certain chemistry, attraction, personality, vibes/banter etc.
Ignore your DM, lol, you don't have to define yourself. Just find yourself and be happy.

I have a child too, dating a woman would be something I would want to keep away from them and it not be confusing for them. I hadn't thought before that I'd have a family set up any other than husband wife child but I definitely feel more drawn to a masc girl than a male but dont see that kind of relationship for my child to be part of so I dont see how things would work it also feels near impossible to enter into that world being in my 30s feel like im a bit late to the party haha

I have a child too, dating a woman would be something I would want to keep away from them and it not be confusing for them.

This view is internalised homophobia. It’s something you should look into and address within yourself. Your sexuality isn’t something you need to hide, especially from your own child.

(That being said any new relationship shouldn’t be a big part of a child’s life until you’re certain it’s secure and long term.)

My child's father didn't know about me being with women before when we was together (he knows now) but he always said how gross gay men were and how it's not normal to be gay etc so I never told him about all of that when we was together. I had said to him what would you do.if our child was homosexual he said well they wont be...I.said you dont have a choice in that he said well they wont. So I've stood up on multiple occasions and argued that he can't just decide the sexuality of our child and that to me them being happy is what is most important it doesn't bother me what their partner is. So he definitely doesn't have a healthy view on sam sex relationships, which i guess doesn't help

You’ve been surrounded by homophobic people: your mum and your ex. I can understand why you’re struggling. But don’t pass it on to your child by doing things like hiding your sexuality. Maybe therapy would help?