Would you go to a wedding in a country that criminalises homosexuality?

[CalonHapus]

DW and I have a really lovely friend who will hopefully be getting married in the not-too-distant future.

We were chatting about this the other day and she said that, as weddings in the UK are so expensive now, she and her partner might decide to have the wedding in the country that their parents are from (as it would be much cheaper there).

I've since googled the laws in that country, and same-sex sexual activity is illegal and carries a penalty of up to 10 years in prison.

People online are saying that the law is rarely enforced and is unlikely to be used against Western tourists. And that two women sharing a room will be assumed to just be friends.

Which is all well and good, but DW and I have the same surname and our DD can talk now and calls us Mummy and Mami... so I think the 'pretending to be friends' boat may have sailed.

Am I being disproportionately risk-averse to worry about this, or would you be the same in my position?

This

No chance. I wouldn’t go even as a straight person, my son is gay and if he’s not welcome then I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of me going.

Not a chance. Worst that happens if you don’t go: you miss the wedding. Worst that happens if you do: prison, maybe worse. Not worth it.

No.

No way. I assume that if you put your passports side by side, yours, DW and Dc it doesn’t take a genius to work out that you are married / a couple / parents of Dc

It would make me incredibly uncomfortable to have to pretend to be sisters / friends in the hotel, and to include Dd in such a sham - what would that tell her?

The legal risk is too great.

And I am afraid I might not be generous enough to be able to sit through and celebrate a straight wedding in that country where my own would not just not be legally possible (e.g like in the UK til relatively recently) but that my very relationship was a criminal offence.

So No. Big Fat No.

I'd tell the bride now. Just a casual, "you know you mentioned getting married in Xcountry, you realise DW and I wouldn't be able to come".

That way you get the conversation out of the way before it becomes all tied up in the emotion of organising the wedding.

I wouldn’t tell them in any way that sounds guilt trippy: it is their home country and it isn’t their fault it is the way it is.

I would be truthful and factual, but say I hope they have a wonderful time and you will celebrate with them here.

I have just looked at a list of countries where homosexuality is illegal…. Mauritius!!! My gay male colleague had his honeymoon there, including a honeymoon upgrade package! He is politically engaged too. Maybe the population are just not aware, like England still being at war with Berwick on Tweed, or something.

Nope.
I wouldn't go.
That said, I have the same surname as my sister and we travel together, and have done to countries where same sex relationships are frowned upon and correctly, it has always been presumed we are siblings. So I don't think the names piece is your biggest risk here.

As a Christian yes

Totally agree with this.

Absolutely not.

I’m heterosexual and I wouldn’t go to a wedding in a country that criminalises homosexuality.

This is how I feel.

What is this supposed to mean?

Absolutely put your safety first. Even if it’s true that the rule isn’t strictly enforced, why spend your tourist pounds in a place like that?

It depends where to a certain extent. There are countries where the laws haven’t been removed from the statute books due to conservative elements blocking reform but is no longer enforced, and certainly not against westerners - I saw openly gay people in Sri Lanka which still has laws against it but there’s political will to repeal said laws (a hangover from empire alas) they also value our tourism money too much to take issue.

In other countries the laws are still very much enforced, much more concerning

I would be a bit scared to go in your situation tbh

I have spent a lot of time in Barbados because my dp is from there, and where homowexuality is illegal (or was when I was going there). But socially it is largely tolerated, to the extent that the PM is widely known (though not officially) to be one of the girls.

But Jamaica, Dubai? No, no, no.

Goodness me what a lot of pearl clutching.

i have travelled in many countries, particularly the Middle East and Africa where being gay is unlawful. It is actually easier for lesbians rather than gay men as many countries don’t believe we exist. I have never had any problems. Countries such as Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan would make me pause to consider but Morocco which is where I think you are alluding to I have been to without any problems.

Go and enjoy the celebrations, you don’t have to find problems where they may not even exist: Most people couldn’t give two hoots about individuals lives so highly likely you wouldn’t have any problems.

To quote Sue Perkins being gay is the 47th most interesting thing about me it doesn’t have to be problematic unless you make it so.

I wouldn’t. Not for safety reasons particularly, although I wouldn’t feel completely comfortable, but because I don’t want to be putting money into an economy where my lifestyle is illegal. I also wouldn’t want to pay a significant amount of money (which I guess it will be if it’s abroad) to go somewhere I know I’m not really welcome. I wouldn’t expect my friend to change her wedding plans for me, but I would expect her to be understanding about my decision not to attend.

No.

No I wouldn’t.

Oh this is interesting (the country is Sri Lanka)

So the chances are you'd have a lovely time and nothing will happen.

But there is a tiny chance you'll be locked up in a third world jail, potentially go bankrupt trying to get out, your child will be taken away and have to wait goodness knows how long until a relative recognised as an appropriate guardian can fetch them and you'll return with physical and mental scars that will never fully heal.

That's not a chance I'd be taking for anyone's wedding.

"pearl clutching"

Nah. For me it is a simple decision, especially as in a lot of places with laws (enforced or not) against homosexuality are also not hot on women's rights. I won't give them my tourist dollars.

OP, have you replied to the bride. I'd really just say "thank you for the invitation that's lovely, i'm sorry i won't be there, have a lovely wedding and i can't wait to see the photos"

I definitely wouldn't go.