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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

Original poster

My child has come home saying that they identify as a wolf

52 replies

kateharrison23545 · 10/05/2025 23:14

I know that this may cause me to receive some backlash, but I am genuinely concerned for my child and their well-being.

My child, up until now has always been identified as a girl. She has always worn the stereotypical girly clothes, had the girly hairstyles, and has been friends with 90% girls. She is 13 and has recently begun seeing a boy in her year at school. Myself and my daughters Dad (my husband) met him and he seemed nice, quiet but we put that down to him being shy. They seemed to have a lot in common, though I haven't read too much into it as they are both only 13 and what type of relationship is serious at that age?

In the days after we first met this boy, my daughter began asking me questions regarding what I would do if she 'came out as something out of the ordinary'. I admit that I brushed this off as I was trying to finish marking my students' work and I did not have time for questions. My daughter asked my husband the same question and he replied with 'he doesn't understand what she is on about'. My daughter since this day has been acting strange, and my husband heard her refer to herself as 'the alpha' - prompting my husband to ask if she knew what that meant, allowing my daughter to respond with that they had been learning about wolves and evolution in animals in Biology. My daughter also added that her boyfriend was 'fascinated by wolves and often acts like one too'.

I have tried to dis encourage her to carry on seeing this boy, though I do not want to come across as controlling, and have her rebel against me. She tells me that her and this boy are a part of 'the pack' and that she now identifies as a wolf, wanting to wear a tail, ears, and a wolf mask.

Obviously, I do not agree with this behaviour whatsoever and I want her to completely stop what she is doing, my husband feels the exact same way as I do. But, how do I approach this without her rebelling against me?

I was prepared for all the usual teenage antics like potentially smoking, staying out late, underage drinking - all the things that every teenager does and I was prepared to handle. However, this is not something I could have seen coming. I have heard that this is common in some teenage groups and sometimes in adults too, though I am completely out of my depth.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Kate

OP posts:
glittercunt · 11/05/2025 00:38

It's a harmless phase. It's a fun bit of make believe and my 14 year old has recently outgrown it. She found some comfort and solace in thereon stuff.

To the person who said at 13 it's not harmless make believe etc, it is, and I'd much rather my kid was playing with her imagination than vaping or having underage sex.

Rainbowcat99 · 11/05/2025 00:41

Tell her that she’s uncovered the family secret, that you all identify as wolves. Then invite her and the boyfriend around for an evening of howling at the moon and eating raw meat.

sinisterdextersinisterdexter · 11/05/2025 00:44

It probably isn't going to be anything really awful and the right thing to do is probably basically to ignore it, but you still do really really need to be on top of monitoring her internet use.

Enough4me · 11/05/2025 00:48

Your child didn't 'identify' as a girl, she was and is a girl.
My DC wouldn't say they identify as anything that they are not to me as I'd point out straight away that it's nonsense.
Don't even entertain it.

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2025 00:50

If she's a wolf, then that makes you parents wolves, and in wolf pack life, that means she's subordinate to you. It's a matrilineal society, and you as breeding female will be her alpha.

So if you don't want that boy in your pack, send him running...

Or she could not be a wolf and can make more of her own decisions. She can't have it both ways...

DaisyChain505 · 11/05/2025 02:10

Tell her she’s sleeping in the garden from now on if she’s so keen on being a wolf. She’ll soon change her tune. Ignore the nonsense and keep her off of social media.

LakotaWolf · 11/05/2025 02:12

I was that child. It is a phase. Some of that phase has remained (as you see by my username; it's what I've gone by online since I was 10-11) but that's it. Wolves are still my favorite animal. But I no longer try to crawl around on all fours and "wag" my foot as if were a tail. I no longer try my darnedest to shapeshift into a wolf (which I did very determinedly around age 12-13 or so, lol) through sheer mental force of will. I spent some of my teen years convinced I was a therianthrope (basically a human/animal shapeshifter) once I heard the word somewhere. Then I spent some time being convinced I was a "psychic" shifter who might not be able to physically shift into a wolf, but could "project" my mind into a spirit wolf. Obviously none of that worked. A lot of this last behavior stuff was escapism type fantasies/magical thinking - let's just say I had a very bad childhood and imagining that someday I'd shapeshift into a wolf and simply run off into the woods was a wonderful daydream. If your child has a decent childhood/situation, she likely won't go down these tracks.

Let her walk around on all fours, howl, bark, eat rare meat, etc. for a little while. None of it will kill her, nor will it kill you to allow it. Let her wear ears and a tail out in public if she wants to - she is still a child and most adults/other children won't judge a child playing a bit of dress-up. She will grow out of the "I am a wolf" part of the phase. Put the kibosh on any behavior too extreme, such as biting or licking people, communicating only in barks/growls/howls, or refusing to use human toilets.

I DID spend some time in the furry fandom when I was in my 20s, but many of them are actually surprisingly judgmental towards each other (you'd think they'd be supportive of others like them, but many are not) and I was ostracized for "picking" a character animal as "basic" as a wolf. So, don't be too horrified if your child wants to get involved in the furry fandom - most of it isn't a cesspit and I survived it - but definitely don't let her go to any events/gatherings unescorted, etc.

If you have any other questions about the whole "I am a wolf/I identify as a wolf" thing, feel free to ask me.

Be sure to point out to her, however, that it HAS been proven that wolves do not have "alphas" in the way that we used to think they did, and even the researcher who first made up the terms has long since recanted and said they wished they never started the whole "alpha wolf" nonsense. There are generally a main/lead "breeding pair", but it's not an "alpha male/female" in the way that some people think of it.

FlakyCritic · 11/05/2025 04:01

My child, up until now has always been identified as a girl.

What does this even mean? If she was born a girl she is a girl. Did she 'identify' as a girl or did you 'identify' her as a 'girl'?

It sounds like she got the wolf thing from you, if you are making up 'identities' for her.

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 11/05/2025 04:13

Hard pass for me. At 13, she should be past any harmless make-believe play, and her suggesting it’s something she “identifies as” to me would signal that she is reasonably serious about it. I would be cracking down on this now before it gets even sillier; i.e., you’re not a wolf and if this continues you’ll not be able to go out and see your friend anymore. I was certainly kept in by my parents at this age if I played silly beggars in any way. Have you spoken to the boy’s parent(s)/guardian(s)? What do they think about it?

camerontucker · 11/05/2025 05:23

PotholesAnonymous · 10/05/2025 23:24

On the plus side, she may find she's suddenly really good at basketball.

Brilliant.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 11/05/2025 05:59

'that's nice dear' and ignore. She is testing you.

Init4thecatz · 11/05/2025 06:15

Three options:

Ignore it, it will probably go away.

Support it, as others have said. It's not a kind world and maybe seeing wolves rip stuff apart will put her off.

Join in. Kids hate nothing more than parents doing the thing they think is cool.

WinterOnItsWayOut · 11/05/2025 06:21

GeorgianaM · 10/05/2025 23:31

A simple checklist for her -

Wolves don’t

Wear clothes.
Eat cooked food they have a diet of raw meat.
Live in the house or have access to washing facilities or a bedroom.
Use toilet paper.
Wear sanitary towels.
Brush their teeth.

Also don’t have opposable thumbs so can’t operate a phone….

Init4thecatz · 11/05/2025 06:22

Oh oh, I've got it. Be supportive, act like you're really interested and one of the pack, then drop her off at school and howl goodbye!

Kids hate nothing more than parents doing what they think is cool.

SparklyGlitterballs · 11/05/2025 06:34

How far does she want to go with the dressing up? Just indoors, or is she planning to go outside with the accessories too?

Personally I would just ignore her. Tell her she can identify as what she wants but you won't be indulging it or treating her as a wolf. Whenever you see her on her phone or watching TV, remind her "wolves don't do that you know".

The alternative would be for you and your DH to buy your own tails, ears and masks and wear them around the house. Be the lead (mating) pair. Maybe she'll see how silly it is if grown adults are doing it too.

Definitely keep an eye on her internet access and screen time.

Mumof2girls2121 · 11/05/2025 07:05

Take her to the zoo and tell her it’s her new home 😂
sorry I have a 12 DD i don’t know how I’d react to that news

Walkerzoo · 11/05/2025 07:13

This is a thing.... My niece is the same. Every o often meets a group of girls with masks...
The mum has said that if it gets bigger she will feed wild food in a bowl.
There is a child at school who makes cat noises.

Probably just a phase and mention she needs to be careful as she could be bullied. It is a balance though.

YOLOPPL · 11/05/2025 07:24

This is the therian shit from tiktok. I went with 'thats nice dear' and she seems to have realised at 13 that most ppl think its fucking dumb

sarahd89 · 27/02/2026 13:57

Kate, I can hear how bewildered you are by this, and I think most parents would feel the same way finding out their teenager now identifies as a wolf.
First, a gentle clarification. This isn't a trans issue. What you're describing sounds like the "therian" or "otherkin" community, which is a completely separate thing. Conflating it with being trans would be like confusing someone who enjoys historical reenactment with someone who genuinely believes they were born in the wrong century. They're not the same.
That said, your concern for your daughter is valid. Here's what I'd offer.
At 13, identity experimentation is completely normal, even when it takes forms that baffle us. She's trying on different ways of being in the world. The fact that it's connected to a boyfriend and his interests suggests this may be partly about connection and belonging rather than a deep conviction about her nature.
Coming down hard on it is likely to backfire. Forbidden fruit and all that. She'll just hide it from you rather than grow out of it naturally.
What might work better is staying curious rather than horrified. Ask questions. What does being part of the pack mean to her? What does she like about it? Listen without agreeing or disagreeing. Most phases lose their appeal once they're no longer a source of either parental approval or thrilling rebellion.
Set reasonable boundaries without attacking the identity itself. She can feel however she feels, but wearing a wolf mask to school isn't happening.
This will very likely pass. Keep the relationship intact and you'll both laugh about it in five years.

sanityisamyth · 27/02/2026 14:29

sarahd89 · 27/02/2026 13:57

Kate, I can hear how bewildered you are by this, and I think most parents would feel the same way finding out their teenager now identifies as a wolf.
First, a gentle clarification. This isn't a trans issue. What you're describing sounds like the "therian" or "otherkin" community, which is a completely separate thing. Conflating it with being trans would be like confusing someone who enjoys historical reenactment with someone who genuinely believes they were born in the wrong century. They're not the same.
That said, your concern for your daughter is valid. Here's what I'd offer.
At 13, identity experimentation is completely normal, even when it takes forms that baffle us. She's trying on different ways of being in the world. The fact that it's connected to a boyfriend and his interests suggests this may be partly about connection and belonging rather than a deep conviction about her nature.
Coming down hard on it is likely to backfire. Forbidden fruit and all that. She'll just hide it from you rather than grow out of it naturally.
What might work better is staying curious rather than horrified. Ask questions. What does being part of the pack mean to her? What does she like about it? Listen without agreeing or disagreeing. Most phases lose their appeal once they're no longer a source of either parental approval or thrilling rebellion.
Set reasonable boundaries without attacking the identity itself. She can feel however she feels, but wearing a wolf mask to school isn't happening.
This will very likely pass. Keep the relationship intact and you'll both laugh about it in five years.

Did you need to reply to a nearly year old thread?!

sarahd89 · 27/02/2026 14:35

sanityisamyth · 27/02/2026 14:29

Did you need to reply to a nearly year old thread?!

Show quote history

why do you care?

sanityisamyth · 27/02/2026 15:09

It’s likely the wolf phase has finished now …

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/02/2026 15:23

Maybe tell her about spirit animals concept and suggest that’s what she’s feeling?

janietreemore · 27/02/2026 15:33

Smile beatifically and let them be a couple of teenage wolves for a while.

janietreemore · 27/02/2026 15:36

sanityisamyth · 27/02/2026 14:29

Did you need to reply to a nearly year old thread?!

Show quote history

This response reads like AI, maybe ChatGPT.
But now we're here, any updates please @kateharrison23545 ?