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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

Any LGBT Divorcing(Ed) parents out there?

6 replies

LimoncelloCheesecake · 13/07/2024 16:46

40+ Going through a divorce and do not know any LGBT families in the same situation

It would be so nice to chat with anyone who can vaguely understand/empathise.

It’s a lonely road even when you know that it’s for the best.

LC

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 15/07/2024 21:16

I'm so sorry to hear you're in this boat.

DP and I weren't married, but were together for eight years and counting, and we have a seven-year-old. We split up last autumn. It is hard, isn't it?

LimoncelloCheesecake · 16/07/2024 23:01

Thank you so much Sarah. I honestly have been feeling so very alone in terms of being gay and divorced. Most of my straight and gay friends who have children are still happily together so I don’t have anyone close who really understands although my family do their best to empathise and be supportive.

I thought perhaps reaching out on here might be helpful for me any anyone else in a similar position.

I am finding it really difficult also.

Happy to chat on here using PM for privacy.
Was the split up amicable if you don’t mind me asking?

LC

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SarahAndQuack · 17/07/2024 20:26

I think it is really lonely. I suppose because gay people getting to have families is so hard won, it feels really strange to suddenly not be part of a couple, and there isn't an awful lot of social understanding of 'lesbian single mum' as a category!

Our split up could have been worse and could have been better, I suppose.

LimoncelloCheesecake · 17/07/2024 20:37

So pleased that your split wasn’t completely dreadful… It’s tough.

What was your experience starting over post split? Was there much upheaval? What did your little one think of it all?

Hope that I am not bombarding you, it’s just such a relief to exchange experiences!

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 17/07/2024 20:58

Of course not, you're absolutely fine!

It's hard to answer questions without digging into specifics! I don't feel I've really found my feet yet - the split was only a few months ago, so of course we haven't yet quite settled into routines really.

In a sense, it was less disruptive than some splits, because the house we lived in was in my name (because back when we were in a position to buy, it turned out my ex-P had lied about debts and wasn't eligible for a mortgage anyway). It also turned out that my ex, who'd been asking me to bankroll everything, had been saving up - and the positive side of that was that she was able to get a mortgage herself, and she very quickly moved. We only live a dozen or so miles apart.

I was hugely lucky because I have a lovely support system through friends. My family were less good - in fact, I'd wanted to split up years before, and they were adamant this would damage our DD and so we shouldn't do it.

DD has been a trouper. She's been ok with the split, but has found it hard that ex-P has a new girlfriend within a few months of us splitting up. DD's been introduced to the girlfriend as 'new mummy' and her family as new relations, and she's understandably confused. Luckily, school have been on the ball - it seems she's been mentioning some worries, and they've explained they're absolutely ready to offer support.

LimoncelloCheesecake · 20/07/2024 20:01

Glad that your DD didn’t find the split too traumatic and that she feels safe and heard at school. That most bring some reassurance for you. Did the ex forewarn you about the “new mum” situation?

Yes, getting steady back on your own two feet does take time. I am still not there yet, dealing with complexities from my ex and then other unexpected changes at work and within my immediate family. Each month there seems to be some unexpected challenge. I do my best but it’s hard not to feel blue and isolated in your own thoughts, feelings, worries for the future.

How wonderful that you have you family of friends to suppprt where your blood relatives may have been lacking.

Obviously everyone’s situation differ, but would you say has been the hardest part of the split and equally what/how do you balance that out?

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