Travelling as an LGBTQ+ parent

[futuremumGrace]

Trying to get some opinions about travelling with kids as an LGBTQ+ parent. I'm a mummy to be and have been told to be careful when going on holiday! me and my wife want to know all the horror stories... if any.

What a helpful comment. 🙄

Queer has been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community... hence the Q being in there. You don't have to like it, but it's hardly the OP's fault, is it?!

"I'm a mummy to be" + "me and my wife" = both women! It's gay maths.

Are you aware that sexual relations between women are criminalised in 41 countries? And that, in many more countries, homophobia is still rife and state-sanctioned? But sure, make your little joke.

OP, obviously just do your research and stick to countries where homosexuality is legal- preferably, stick to countries where same-sex marriage is legal, too.

@2mummies1baby you’re making a lot of assumptions - one of them might be a trans woman or NB and therefore they are not in a same sex relationship. That’s why so many of us were asking for clarification so we can advise. The OP described themself as LGBTQ which is a very broad umbrella.

She also described herself as a mummy-to-be with a wife, which is not a very broad umbrella!

@2mummies1baby there are male people who describe themselves as mothers and attempt to breastfeed, so describing yourself as LGBTQ instead of lesbian (if that’s what you are) and using the slur “queer” does get my radar up

@HermioneWeasley There are also male people who describe themselves as lesbians! So the OP clarifying isn't going to remove the doubt that she or her wife are transwomen.

Please don’t forget that the “oldies” fought for the rights you now enjoy.

I have 2 kids with my ex wife and it’s a fair question. Do you share a surname? You may find that people assume you are sisters and that the kids are just one of yours, but honestly other than that, it’s fine. We were CPed and then married, same surname. Avoided places that were obviously homophobic/illegal to be gay, but I still do that tbh.
Plus I’m a 45 cis woman and I identify as Queer so.. 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Feel free to PM me @futuremumGrace

And took a few kickings.

I really hope that the people telling you off for using ‘queer’ aren’t straight!

While having the word “queer” yelled at us

Queer couple with children here.

Destinations is an easy google, there are some fab queer travel blogs.

As queer parents we are in the minority, so along with our childrens passports we also take their adoption certificates. I was once prevented from flying with my son as I couldn’t prove I had the permission of his imaginery mother, so now we always take their adoption certificates if we travel outside of the country.

Imaginary mother?

Presumably a same-sex male couple, so their son has two dads, and not the mother the airport staff were imagining.

Could be a woman and a trans id male with intact genitals.

In which case they'd still identify as lesbians! You aren't going to know whether or not the OP and/or her wife are transwomen unless the OP announces their genitals on mumsnet, which seems unlikely!

Or bi, or pan, or queer, or doesn’t like labels….

Yes, I meant their relationship was a lesbian one. My point is, none of their possible identities would 'prove' they are not transwomen, which other posters seem oddly obsessed about!

Queer couple here with a 4-year-old. We're currently in Lithuania on holiday and it's been fine. We've also visited Spain, France, Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands and Denmark in the past couple of years and never had any issues. You should be OK in most of Europe (with some exceptions in Eastern/Central Europe so do your research). Can't say much about elsewhere in the world at the moment as we haven't ventured anywhere further as a family... yet...

Are you married? If so that wouldn’t be recoginsed there so if one became ill, they could refuse the other visiting hospital etc. If your child was ill again, queer adoption isn’t recognised. Lithuania isn’t a wise place to visit if something does go wrong.

I am a gay dad with two adopted kids. We were stopped coming back from France and questioned about where are children had come from. My partner angrily told them they were ours, didn’t say they were adopted and that was the end of the convo, but they did keep us waiting for quite a while and it made us a bit nervous. It was strange though as this was the British that kept us waiting, the French couldn’t have cared less.

we had no trouble in France - 🇫🇷. We’ve never been on a plane though………….. we may have enough money next year.

Well we're at the airport waiting to fly home now and haven't had a problem.

We have done France, Switzerland, Portugal and Cape Verde with our 2 year old. We are married but didn’t change our names, our daughter has a double barrelled surname of both of our names, we are both on the birth certificate. We haven’t ever had any issues (we have driven across boarders in our camper and flown with her). Neither of us have travelled alone with her but I am thinking of going to visit family with my mum and daughter in Spain which my wife can’t make in the summer so we will see then!

Having a child has definitely changed the way we travel. We are much more considered and don’t want her to overhear anything that would make her question whether our family set up is ok. That being said, like everything it’s a benefit V’s risk situation which is personal to everyone. Do some thorough research and decide what your families boundaries are I would say, and don’t be scared of travel!

Hi OP! I'm an expat in a country which isn't totally LGBTQ+ friendly and travel a lot in other similar countries. However, I think in places like this, the idea that you're in a relationship wouldn't really cross most people's minds! I think you could travel almost anywhere as long as you're willing to let people assume you're friends/sisters who are travelling with your children! In my experience, the only people who it might occur to are other LGBTQ+ people in the community you're travelling to - other people's minds often don't even go in that direction when you're in a country where it's not very openly discussed.