Travelling as an LGBTQ+ parent

[futuremumGrace]

Trying to get some opinions about travelling with kids as an LGBTQ+ parent. I'm a mummy to be and have been told to be careful when going on holiday! me and my wife want to know all the horror stories... if any.

“Queer” is a homophobic slur

It seems unlikely that you are all of LGBTQ+ - you mention a wife, are you a lesbian couple/lesbian parents?

Where are you thinking of going? And how old are your children?
And are you both women?

This is way to general.
It is completely dependent on the country you wish to visit.

Russia. Dangerous.
Skegness. Safe.

Generally I wouldn't go anywhere where homosexuality is outlawed or highly prejudiced against, with or without kids. Where did you want to go?

Queer is generally used today as a positive, affirming and inclusive term for people in the LGBTQ+ community.

@Jigglypufff that’s your opinion. Some black people have reclaimed the N word. That doesn’t make it OK to use on mumsnet. Personally it will never be anything but a slur to me and lots of the gay people I know.

it was also almost exclusively directed at gay men, so can’t be “reclaimed” by other groups.

anyway it would be helpful for @futuremumGrace to answer some of the questions if she wants advice.

Erm...try not to miss your connections and always mind the gap? Same as everyone else just MORE SPECIAL?

@AlisonDonut i don’t think that’s fair. There are countries where it’s illegal to be gay and going as an obviously gay couple/family might not be the wisest idea and I definitely wouldn’t do it. But we don’t know what’s in OP’s mind as she hasn’t been back to answer any of the questions.

Sorry OP, we're a bit of a mumsnet parody act today clearly.

OP - I'm straight but it will vary widely by country, lonely planet have helpful info on each place. You might find this nap helpful too https://www.ilga-europe.org/report/rainbow-europe-2022/

As a rule of thumb places that are more on the tourist trail will be easier, so for example while Greece is very friendly places in the rural Peloponnese might be trickier for you.

How is the OP "special" by asking how to stay safe on holiday when she is part of a group that is still persecuted in some countries?

As a GC woman I also have issue with the "TQ+"but clearly the OP is a lesbian woman.

Are how asking about being pregnant when travelling?

make sure you have travel insurance, avoid raw foods and things like salads in certain countries, don’t overdo it on the heat, take any meds you need with you. Maybe wear a wedding ring in some countries as women can be hassled (even pregnant ones). Obv flying - check how many weeks you are before booking…

and the q word is not ok.

Nope. Most people I see using it are silly little straight kids.

Older people remember it being screamed, sometimes accompanied by kicks and punche.

@AlisonDonut she's pregnant and has a wife. My money is on her being a lesbian...

You just don’t know these days…

i understand how some older people may react to queer, however in all my baby groups/ online groups we identify with that term. it’s really accommodating for people who don’t use gender binaries also.

i am a mum to be, looking to prepare myself for any future holidays with baby as it’s. a huge part of our lifestyle. i really appreciate the location advice, however i was more on the search for travelling advice also. any issues when going through security with kids or reactions from other parents.

Lonely planet guide always has a bit about LGB.....
Most libraries have the books, they might not always be up to date but generally the advice still stands.

Where are you thinking of going as that’s vital information!! Middle East would not be the same as Europe for example.

Security shouldn’t be an issue as you will all have passports. Have you been abroad with your partner before? It will be pretty much the same scenario as you have experienced before, but with a lot more luggage!

Hi Op,
I'm a lesbian, married with kids.
Remember that due to international child abduction laws, you can be asked at immigration whether you are the parent of the children you're travelling with/whether you have the consent of each parent to take the child abroad.
If you're a lesbian couple you're more likely to be asked this question because immigration are more likely to assume that you're not travelling with both parents.
We therefore always:

• travel with our children's birth certificates
• avoid travel to countries where answering these questions at immigration may put us in danger
• avoid travel to any countries where being gay is illegal, or discrimination is rife to the extent that we fear authorities wouldn't help us if we got in to any trouble.

Hope that helps, all the best for your pregnancy.

‘Older people’ aw get away with you. So because some spicies use it to sound interesting it’s ok?

Why not have some consideration for those who lived in a world where it really wasn’t ‘safe’, where a rainbow flag was a rarity in most places and actually was a sign of somewhere being safe (not just rainbow washing) to hang out? When being seen leaving a certain bar or club could get you harassed or worse. Always looking over your shoulder ‘in case’.

Go on your holiday. I assume you are a lesbian so it’s same as when you went with your girlfriend/wife (in some countries best to wear a wedding ring and be ‘Bessie mates’ with your partner to avoid hassle). You already know that some countries/areas will turn a blind eye, some won’t care a jot as long as you have £££, and some will be completely a*holes.

Focus on what/where is safe for a pregnant woman and their babies, and know what you can do in case of a medical event.

OP, I'm sorry how this thread is turning out. I don't use the word queer myself, but I'm not here to police your language or tell you off.

Some general points:

When you are pg or have a baby, you will fly under the radar. People will assume you are straight (for better or worse). As a pp said, you need to have your paperwork in order for border control and also so the non-bio mum has authority to act where parental responsibility is necessary.

Things get trickier as your child gets older. Unless you want to teach them that your family is a dirty little secret (which I assume you dont) your child will start announcing to all and sundry that they have two mums. Or people (including other kids) will ask them intrusive questions that they may find confusing and upsetting.

So plan well. Obviously don't go to countries that are hostile to homosexuality, or to women travelling without men. Prepare your kids with standard responses to nosy questioning. Plan in family privacy (eg self catering). Agree with your dp how you will refer to each other publicly. Understand the added vulnerability of travelling with children, and accept that holidays will be different for awhile.

You obviously have to be careful which countries you go to. I travelled a lot with my wife before having a child and a lot of the time we just pretended we were sisters or close friends (been to Thailand/India/Madagascar/Morocco and a few more).
2 years ago we went to Minorca and I was pregnant. And last year we went to Sardinia with a 9 month old. We swapped the adventurous holidays for all inclusive! Local people didn’t really bat an eyelid or particularly ask the situation. There was a lot of British people in hotels and we obviously got same reactions off them as we do in UK (which for us has luckily always been very positive).
We made sure we both had passports in same name as our child so there was no issues at border control. We were treated really well at airports… Sardinia are very family friendly and put parents with young children at front of queues etc. which was really great!
Hope some of that is helpful! Have a lovely holiday wherever you go!

Honestly no one really takes any notice of anyone at airports. If you have different surnames copies of the birth cert will help

I have a different surname to my son, as do two of my friends. I’ve not had any problems but they both have had problems when travelling alone with their kids. They are both Asian with quite/very fair children (I’m the opposite).