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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

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Original poster

Should I send DS to C of E school as lesbian parent?

52 replies

purpledaze24 · 31/12/2023 18:16

My DS is only 3 atm and has two mums but we are separated. We share 50/50 custody of DS and we both currently live in an urban area with plenty of other same sex parents around. Our local primary school is not religious and would have a fair amount of other kids of same sex parents. However, I hate living here. I grew up in a small village and went to the local school and always wanted that for my DC. I have found a house I love in a tiny village only 20 min outside the city that I could easily afford if I sold my current house. I’d love to move there and for DS to go to the small local primary school that’d just be a short walk from this house. Problem is the school is C of E and on its website has a lot about Christian values and principles. We are very much not religious either. As a lesbian mother would my child be welcome there and taught about different families? Do you think he would potentially be bullied because of his parents? Any same sex parents out there have kids at a C of E school? If so what is your experience? Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:

PTSDBarbiegirl · 31/12/2023 18:29

No. Your relationship will not be supported, that may be in a low level but constant way or a way where parents judge you. Why do you think this would work out?

mynameiscalypso · 31/12/2023 18:30

My DS goes to a Catholic school and one of his friends has two dads. Nobody thinks anything of it. The deputy head is also quite openly gay.

Stressfordays · 31/12/2023 18:32

My eldest goes to a Catholic school and my younger 2 to a CofE primary school. No judgement I've seen of same sex parents. The people who work in the school aren't always of the faith so likely wouldn't think twice.

Lukewarmtea24 · 31/12/2023 18:34

My children go to a C of E school and there are same sex parents, no problems! They do a lot around kindness and tolerance so would be very disappointed if they didn’t practice what they preached…

oldcrinkle · 31/12/2023 18:35

I would! My son goes to a C of E but most of the staff are not actually religious and it's very inclusive.

I don't think anyone would bat an eye at same sex couple having kids... and it's a rural school.

Darkenergy · 31/12/2023 18:36

It really depends on the school as c of e schools vary massively. Some are virtually indistinguishable from secular schools and some are conservative and heavy on worship. But if it looks on the more conservative /religious side I'd be wary, you can still find close-minded attitudes in some of these places sadly.

SpringboksSocks · 31/12/2023 18:37

My kids went to a CofE school and it would never have been an issue. Most kids at these schools aren’t from Christian families whatsoever (and I say that as a Christian myself). It’s usually just the local school. At my kids’ school the staff had much bigger issues to contend with… think fights between parents at the school gates, child protection issues etc. And the Christian parents, if there are any, shouldn’t be there to judge.

I work in the education sector as well and my experience of CofE schools is that they do teach Christian values, but generally not in a shove-it-down-your-throat way. Of course other people may have different experiences.

Ostagazuzulum · 31/12/2023 18:42

DD goes to a catholic school and they teach about sexuality and gender and acceptance of everyone. I think you'll be fine!

Kwasi · 31/12/2023 18:42

DS goes to a village C of E primary. His bestie has two mums and no one bats an eyelid. The school is inclusive and is all about kindness and equality. I think they call it 'No Outsiders'.

spanieleyes · 31/12/2023 18:44

We have several same sex partners as parents of children who attend, including a member of staff. We do teach about different family circumstances, one parent, two, same sex, different sex, adopted, in care etc- all of which we have examples of in school but we don't exactly go round pointing it out or making them stand out in any way, they are just part of the school community!
The issue isn't so much the school but some of the other parents who are not quite as accepting in some instances.

dressedforcomfort · 31/12/2023 18:45

There's church schools and there's church schools....

My DS's school are very inclusive and you would be made to feel very welcome. However the church school in the next village is very 'high church' and very traditional and you would be very much an outlier.

Only way to find out is to go visit, talk to the Head, talk to the teachers and ask as many parents as possible for their views.

Christmastree455555 · 31/12/2023 18:45

I’d agree with other that a CofE school isn’t really religious, mine have just started attending - hugely inclusive - I wouldn’t let it put you off….

their website is inclusive too - https://www.churchofengland.org/life-events/your-church-wedding/just-engaged/information-same-sex-couples

Information for same sex couples | The Church of England

The law prevents ministers of the Church of England from carrying out same-sex marriages. And although there are no authorised services for blessing a same-sex civil marriage, your local church can still support you with prayer.

https://www.churchofengland.org/life-events/your-church-wedding/just-engaged/information-same-sex-couples

Howmanysleepsnow · 31/12/2023 18:46

My dc have attended, between them, 2 C of E primary schools. Same sex parents are not unusual, and the kids don’t pass comment (neither do parents!). By Y4 some of the kids are also coming out as gay (or trans in 2 cases) and they experience nothing but acceptance. I can’t say all schools will be the same, but that’s been our experience.

Dotcheck · 31/12/2023 18:46

The Cof E school my kids went to served quite an interesting demographic. Many single parents, LGB, children with really tough home lives. I don’t recall anyone being judgemental.

You will be fine. I think if there are openly gay C of E clergy, no one will bat an eye at a lesbian parent.

Curlewwoohoo · 31/12/2023 18:47

This came up in active for me. I think it depends on the school in question. My kids are in a C of E primary. I wasn't keen on the idea but it's really near to us. But actually it's the most open and diverse school in the town. Two mums really wouldnt be an issue at the school. So don't rule it out on the basis it's C of E.

Howmanysleepsnow · 31/12/2023 18:48

To add, 3 of my dc don’t believe in god (the other is agnostic) and that’s not been a problem either- although I was called in when the eldest announced in nativity rehearsals that he wasn’t saying prayers because he didn’t believe. We settled on him not saying prayers, but not announcing this or questioning others’ beliefs.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/12/2023 18:50

I think it depends on the school. My DC went to a CoE village primary school (my youngest child only left last year), with a number of openly gay lesbian parents and an openly gay male teacher. Everyone one was accepted. I am quite friendly with being the lesbian couples, and am not aware that they've ever had any issues. They and their dc are really popular!

bakedpotatoforlunch · 31/12/2023 18:56

Over the last twenty five years I have served on governing bodies of two CofE primary and one CofE secondary school and have been involved at various other levels of governance and school support. I am also the parent of CofE school educated children.

At no point ever in my experience has there been any question about judging the home situation of parents, be they same-sex, single parent or heterosexual. It simply isn't an issue.

The main focus has always been the welfare of the child and the schools supporting all parents where they can. If the school that you are thinking about is anything like those I have been involved with you would be warmly welcomed as a prospective parent.

Terfosaurus · 31/12/2023 18:56

My DC went to a CofE school. There were a couple of same sex sets of parents. No one cared.

My friend and her wife sent their son to the local Catholic school. I assume they've not had an issue.

The Vicar of one of my local churches is gay.

Neighneigh · 31/12/2023 19:04

What @bakedpotatoforlunch said. Also, in your op you mentioned about the website - don't forget that c of e schools actually have a second level of inspection from SIAMs and part of this will be how they promote their Christian ethos. Websites are a big part of this promotion but in my experience (governor of a school where the vicar / church governor rep is trans), having same sex parents really wont be an issue.

TinyYellow · 31/12/2023 19:08

My experience of CofE education was my kids being taught that marriage between a man and a woman before having children is what God wants, and any other type of family is to be respected, but not considered ideal.

Teachers were very understanding about how that upset me as an unmarried Mum and said they didn’t have a choice about what they taught as it was a CofE school.

Original poster

purpledaze24 · 31/12/2023 20:03

Thank you so much for so many encouraging responses :) it’s really made me feel much more positive than I was when I first read the school website! (Next hurdle is convincing the ex to send him there but that’ll be a whole different conversation!!) the whole thing is a very new idea for me and yes I think contacting the school would be the next option. In an average C of E school do they teach the theory of evolution or only the whole the world god built the world in 7 days idea? Or I guess that depends on the school too??

OP posts:

Tygertiger · 31/12/2023 20:08

Go and visit. I taught in one for a long time and it was very inclusive. We had lots of kids who came out and were very well-supported. Lesbian parents wouldn’t have been an issue at all.

And they teach evolution and science. Usually the only time religion comes into it is in assemblies and we had communion once a term (loads of kids didn’t take the bread and wine, all totally fine).

Nearlythere80 · 31/12/2023 23:11

Yes i was going to mention the other parent. If you are splitting care during the week is this move going to work? Let alone you both have to agree about how you are schooling your child. Fwiw i also grew up in a small village etc and occasionally feel misty eyed about it, then i remember what a fuss it is to have to drive everywhere and having everyone in the village having an opinion about what you are up to
think carefully here!

Cattenberg · 31/12/2023 23:37

Our local C of E school devotes a lot of time to religion. The children sometimes visit the nearby church and the vicar often comes into the school and takes assembly. The vicar is a lesbian mum, by the way.

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