Lesbian with embryos but single, what next?

[Heylo]

Hi lovely mums- netters

I've just joined after many months of enjoying the chit chat but not getting involved. I'm 38, lesbian, financially ok (can support a child) and single. There is a real lack of lesbian and bi women who want kids where I live. I date but I haven't met anyone I really like. I had my embryos frozen at 35 (sperm bank) and now the clock is ticking. I'll be devastated if I don't have kids, and I think I'd be a good parent. I really need to pull the trigger and get pregnant in 2024 but I'm terrified of doing this alone. I've got a friend who would co- parent with me (I'm really open to a co parent, infact in some ways I see it as preferable to doing it with a girlfriend) but she can be a bit annoying (although heart jn right place and we have shared values / political views). I'm thinking no coparent whether romantic or otherwise is perfect right?

Any thoughts on doing this single and / or doing it with slightly annoying friend. Thanks

Definitely go it alone. You would be bound to your friend for the rest of your life, and you are dragging another life into it if you ever fall out with her, which sounds likely from what you say.

I am not gay, but I suspect that being a single mother would impact your future chances of finding someone and falling in love quite little, but a potential partner might be a bit ? about a co-parenting friend.

Sorry to start with the practicalities, but in what legal sense would the two of you co-parent or are you talking informal arrangement?
As the actual parent you would be the one with all the legal responsibilities, whereas friend could decide to walk away. It's a tricky situation and you'd need to be a bit cold-heartedly rational about it before embarking.
Loads of women have children alone. And at 38 you can't waste any time. Couldn't friend just be a special auntie-like figure?

Would you and your friend live together? I'd try to test-drive co-parenting (to the extent that you can) - get a pet, go on a non-luxurious holiday, take on a long-term frustrating project eg home renovation.

If you work well together then go over all the parenting details - how would you split finances, would she be on the birth certificate, what would the childcare setup be, who takes time off work when the child is ill, who picks their school.

Best of luck becoming a mother, however you do it!

Thank you all - real food for thought here :)

God no to annoying coparent. Really.

How old are you now? Your embryos will always be 35, but as someone whose only DC came at 40 I understand not wanting to wait too much longer yourself.

There are communities of solo mothers by choice out there. Try the donor conception network as a starting point.

And REALLY don’t bring someone else into it. I’m hosting the man I divorced this year for Christmas dinner for the sake of DC and it REALLY is better to empower yourself.

I have a lesbian friend who adopted solo and she’s had no bother finding love since.

DO NOT have a child with someone you find slightly annoying. You will not find them less annoying when you have mess time, less money and less sleep.

Could you ask your friend to be a special Godmother rather than a co parent? So you're in charge and have sole parental responsibility but friend is there for support and to have fun with your child.