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This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

LGBT parents

Should I advise my friend?

5 replies

FaintlyInglorious · 27/10/2023 09:32

Sorry if this is long. A very good friend of mine has an only-child - a lovely and intelligent daughter in Y8. Since she was very young she’s always said she thinks she’s a boy. She’s also significantly on the autism spectrum. Since Y6 she’s been identifying as a boy and most of her classmates think she is one. My friend is now facing the very difficult time of what to do next as she will very soon start menstruating. A good friend of hers has an older daughter who’s recently transitioned to being male and I’m expecting this is what my friend will choose. I’ve never questioned it, as it's her life and her choice and I don’t know a lot about it.

I was having lunch with friends yesterday though and the conversation turned to this. I mentioned my friend’s situation and
one of them, an academic I don’t know well, got quite heated and said a parent doing this to their child is akin to child abuse and that most of these teenagers are just autistic and gay and their autism makes them want to completely reinvent themselves, and to guide them down the trans route is a death sentence.

She said that the drugs cause a lower IQ, early baldness and osteoporosis by the time they’re 30, and that phallioplasty involves constructing a penis from skin taken from the lower arm, which leaves horrible disfigurement and usually fails, causing incontinence. She also said that there are many suicides after ten years when people massively regret what they’ve done. She gave the example of one of Angelina Jolie’s children, who was like a boy for years but is now very feminine.

She implored me to advise my friend and I’m not sure how to do it without really upsetting her. She’s a lovely person and just trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but aren’t they all.

OP posts:
ValerieDoonican · 27/10/2023 09:39

I am no expert at all but pondering a similar situation. I would perhaps broach it with 'oh that must be a bit tricky? I have heard X, have you heard anything about that? It must all be a bit of a worry' ie questioning but supportive.

ValerieDoonican · 27/10/2023 09:41

Supportive of her position as a parent entering an unknown (to most of us) but somewhat charged situation

FusionChefGeoff · 27/10/2023 09:57

I think you definitely keep trying to support your friend - as a parent who's got a really difficult road ahead. Keep the communication open and agree with PP along a questioning line so that hopefully she can do more exploration / research of her own and find her own information?

Transgender trend is often recommended as a good resource for parents to find more 'gender critical' information.

I'd also try to start a conversation about how easily led teens are and that social media is really dangerous. The trans movement are very very vocal and some of them can present a load of absolute lies, very loudly and repeatedly, as fact. Your friend should be restricting any unsupervised access.

It's really important, however, that she keeps talking to her child as that's the best chance to explore the underlying reasons and keep things moderate eg avoiding drugs and surgery. If she alienates her child, they will run into the arms of their supportive trans influencers and get more and more extreme / entrenched in their convictions.

lilyblue5 · 27/10/2023 10:00

I would not get involved here. No doubt she’s doing her own research/is in turmoil already. It’s a very very difficult subject all round.
Just be a listening ear and pass no judgement either way.

Sorrento79 · 29/10/2023 17:17

You're not in a position to advise your friend on the basis of the opinions of someone you know

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