Lesbian/same sex couples ivf experiences

[Quickdraw23]

Hi folks,

I didn’t really know where to put this, I know this forum doesn’t get loads of traffic but I’m hoping some will see it.

I’m really looking for a bit of hope.

The circumstances are: I’m 33, partner is 30. We decided we were ready to try and have a baby earlier this year. After lots of reading around, chatting to lesbian/Same sex couple friends who have had children in the last couple of years and a consultation with a fertility clinic we opted to try mild IVF with donor sperm with me going first due to being a little bit older.

We chose this due to increased success rates and wanting to avoid the risk of paying for 6 rounds of iui and then moving to IVF anyway. I have no known pre-existing health issues, BMI 21, fairly fit and active (gym, sporty hobby), try to eat healthy, (do like cake and ice cream) don’t eat red meat, don’t smoke or do drugs, very moderate alcohol intake which I pretty much ceased a month before commencing egg collection. (I sound very dull when I write this down!)

I’ve been very lucky as I responded fine to stims on a mild protocol with very few ill effects (8 eggs, ended up with 3 good quality blasts 4AA, 5BB and 3BB). Didn’t test embryos as it wasn’t really clinically indicated.

our fresh transfer in May failed, and today I have found out our frozen transfer has also failed. 10dp5dt on a boots test strip. OTD is tomorrow but it looked very very negative today.

We’ve got our one little 3BB left to try, but I’m feeling very despondent. The research/internet says this is still within the realms of normal, but I’ve had friends my age and older conceive much quicker, or with IUI alone. I’m trying very hard not to blame myself (stupid thoughts like: was it because I mowed the lawn with our extremely light mower during the TWW , or ate that spicy burrito on the day of transfer?).

IVF is so cruel in that the meds you are on mimic pregnancy symptoms. Despite telling myself this over and over, as I got closer to testing I found it increasingly difficult not to be hopeful this time, as I felt very different from the fresh cycle.

I don’t really want to burden the folks on the infertility boards with this post, as there are women over there with so much more challenging circumstances to deal with.

I’m wondering if anyone has been in similar circumstances and had some success after two or more failed embryo transfers?

we have two straws of sperm left, I would feel awful using the second and leaving only one for my partner if there’s something wrong with my eggs.

Since we started this process the algorithm has found endless examples of beaming attractive lesbian couples having successful single and twin pregnancies on the first or second transfers, and it’s not making me feel good!

thank you, anyone who makes it to the end of this epic novel!

Youre very young and mustnt blame your eggs.

I found that even fertility tests are not the greatest indicators of fertility.

I had to go through the ivf route and had my embryos tested but thats because of my age and my miscarriage experience.

I couldn't cope with another miscarriage.

I wish you luck and hope you have good news very soon

Hey! I am wondering how you made it through all the failed attempts? I am in a ss relationship. My wife is carrying. We have done 2 IUIs and 2 embryo transfer. We had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks for the last transfer. It has been really tough watching all of our friends and family create babies so easily. We are going on two years. It feels like a jail sentence. Any advice?

You've just got to grit your teeth and remember that each one that doesn't work out wasn't the child for you. Also that other people having kids doesn't change your own chances. It's too early yet i think to say you need to decide where you are going to draw a line under it all, but that does happen to some couples.

Hi @Saraeliza7

I’m so sorry to hear of the miscarriage and I hope you and your wife are doing ok. It is really tough when the attempts don’t end in a positive outcome.

after taking a break I decided to do one more egg collection and transfer, with the idea that if that failed I would call it a day for me and kick it over to my partner to try.

I had a much more successful second egg collection (different clinic, different medication, different donor) and the first embryo transfer worked and I am now 24 weeks pregnant.

i have no way of knowing if the change in protocol or donor made a difference or if it was just chance. After three failed transfers we decided if we were going to spend more money it was worth getting a second opinion. That opinion was basically that it was likely bad luck and it was worth trying again given my age and health status.

It was helpful for me mentally to make a decision that I would try X and Y and if that didn’t work then that would be the end of trying for me, but everyone is different.

all the best to you!