Wrong to be bothered so easily?

[Plagioclase]

I went to a yoga class today. It is one I have taken my wife to before. The teacher is very good. She's Asian and tiny and very strong! When the teacher saw I was with someone she said oh you've brought a friend. I introduced my wife and she seemed surprised but said hello. Anyway today as I was leaving the teacher saw me and said where is your beautiful …but then she really struggled to find the word and was waving her hands around and laughing at herself before settling on spouse. I explained how she normally chooses CrossFit instead and the time she was with me was a one off. But when I left there I felt bad that she struggled so much to find the right word. When this sort of thing happens. It makes me feel like they're embarrassed for me. She had not issues finding the word husband to describe her relation. My wife and I have a son together and I worry a lot about how he’s going to cope when he realizes we are different and that people constantly get out family wrong. My wife is often mistaken for my friend, sister and worse of all for her my mother! And when I’ve explained we are married I’ve been asked if I’m him mother and when I’ve explained we both are got blank looks. How do you all cope with this sort of thing? I think I’m sensitive by nature but surely I’m not the only one who gets bothered. We live in a conservative area and don’t know any families like ours. I just want to feel less alone.

Not wrong to be bothered- this resonates with us too! We have a 11month old daughter and I feel like we are so obviously a family when we are out- both caring for baby and call each other mum and mama!. And we still get 'are you sisters/who is the mum'! It still makes me feel awkward having to explain we are wives when really it is them that should feel awkward for asking!
I'm less worried about how our daughter will deal with this. Most children of LGBT children we know are so matter of fact and completely unphased and usually able to talk about their mums and dads alot more eloquently than we are! I think it is our job to give them a sense of pride, confidence and ensure they have all the facts about all types of families and that will be enough to make sure they have a strong identity and can find their way.
We are in a very conservative area too, but we have connected with some other lgbt families through Facebook. Not sure where you are, but there will be other families! Just have to seek them out- any local prides or lgbt community groups on facebook (maybe not exactly where you live, but neighboring)? I think it does help having a local community even if small!

We have this issue, sometimes we do enjoy how much some people tie themselves in knots. Yesterday we went out for brunch and our daughter was sat on my knee while our son had his own chair. When we’d finished the waitress came over and said to my husband “oh I had to say goodbye to your little girl isn’t she lovely” to my husband, she then said “your son has been very behaved, you must be really proud, oh, and hello to your (big pause while looking at me) friend”. While she was talking to us our son was literally talking to me and calling me Daddy. Plus we’re a mixed race couple and our children share my ethnicity, and not my husbands!

Our son is eight and in a bit out spoken at times and he often corrects people, although he has learned if he says “I don’t have a mummy” it gets him lots of sympathy as people think his mum must have died. But he would usually say to people “I have a Daddy and a Papa”.

We find people are often a bit odd about the husband thing, I had left my wedding ring on recently at rugby and the ref asked me to give to him and said “your wife wouldn’t be very happy if you lost it” so I said I don’t have a wife I have a husband in a flippant way, not in an annoyed way or anything. His body language then completely changed and was no longer friendly at all. Poor sod barely coped when the penny finally dropped that the whole squad are gay.

I really wouldn’t be worried about your son, they’re more likely to say something really really tactless to a stranger than struggle with what a stranger says.

I wouldn't worry too much about it in this specific case - the teacher will remember next time. We don't use the word wife (we preferred to get a civil partnership rather than a marriage) so it sometimes strikes me as slightly odd when people use it about us, though I'm not offended by it. So maybe the teacher was just embarrassed as she didn't want to get it wrong.

Thank you everyone who responded. I actually deleted my account when I didn’t think anyone was going to reply. But now I’ve seen you have I came back. Haha. It has really lifted my spirits to hear your responses. So thank you. I was a bit worried I’d be shot down for being so sensitive. Although I do think I need to get thicker skin as I expect these misunderstandings and awkward conversations will continue. Some
days I feel more prepared for them than others. I think the yoga teacher means well but I suspect she hasn’t knowingly meet any gays in the wild before. We are actually moving to a new area soon which I hope is more liberal and I definitely intend to join some LGBTIQ+ parenting groups if I can find any. I’m really encouraged to hear about your experiences with the kids. If my son takes it all in his stride when he gets older I’ll definitely feel much better. Thanks again.