Wwyd- prejudice friend

[10littlemonkeys]

I bumped into a newish friend last week (met last year at NCT class and we meet once a week) with her parents. I was with my DD and my in-laws (SIL and her kids and MIL).
When I met with my friend today, she said she was trying to explain the 'connection' between my daughter and my inlaws but her parents weren't getting it?....
Unfortunately the comment sort of went over my head- I was half listening and half sorting my crying DD so didn't query it at the time.

It was only on reflection on the way home, that I was thinking what did she actually mean by that? Surely the conversation to her parents would be 'oh that is my friend with her daughter and her SIL and MIL'... if the fact we are a 2 mum family came up then maybe 'they are a lesbian couple with a baby and that is her wife's sister and mum- the babies grandma and aunty'

I'm not sure what there is 'get' or understand about 'the connection'. My SIL also happens to be Muslim and was wearing a hijab and her children are mixed race... is that what they were struggling with understanding the 'connection' or because our baby has 2 mums and they are not the 'biological' family.

Wwyd?

1. Am I right to think that there is an element of prejudice (whether consciously or not) in this comment?
2. Would you bring it up with her? I wouldn't say we are very close friends but are friendly
3. Would you cut someone off for this kind of mentality/prejudice- odd thing to say and not sure I want to be around someone with prejudiced views.

I should say that this person does seem like a really nice kind person and unlikely would have meant any malice!

I think that since you weren’t fully listening and don’t understand what she was getting at, you should talk to her to find out exactly what she meant and what her views are before making any decision.

Yes definitely considering this- I think I'm a bit of an awkward person in general and feel a bit weird bringing it up directly retrospectively!
Maybe I will try and bring it up more generally to bring the topic up again.
There have been other odd things that have caught me off guard too- she has referred to 'babies dad' on a few occasions despite me correcting to say 'donor'.
I sense its more of her being from a small town and not having met many LGBT people so limitted understanding as opposed to full on bigot but then she did go to uni in a big diverse city so who knows!

But it’s not her

it was her parents

so be pissed with them if you’re going to be pissed with anyone

Very good point... maybe misdirected frustration here!

But I'm not sure I would have even bothered to bring it up and tell the person had it been my parents said something about a friend.

I think since you weren’t necessarily taking in everything she said I’d leave it this time.

Next time then yes

Stop looking for ways to be offended OP

It may be that she has parents with very traditional views, rather than she holds them herself. If you like this person, give her a little more time. Maybe she was actually talking about how difficult it is to navigate things with her parents, rather than trying to express any discomfort she has with your setup.

You say she refers to 'baby's dad' and you use the term 'donor' - I am interested (genuinely) to understand if this is something that you feel matters? If so, you are going to ask her directly to use your term and she may ask why.

@wildfirewonder it is something that matters to us. Our baby has two mums and doesn't have a dad.
In the same way as if a heterosexual couple were unable to conceive and had to use a donor egg or sperm- you would not refer to the donor as mum or dad....
I fully understand that people who have not had the same journey may not understand that initially and have always been open about our journey and explained this- but once it has been explained I would expect them to make.the effort to get it right next time.

There is so much we all need to remember now so as not to unintentionally offend someone.
Made worse by so many actively looking to be offended