Married to a man...realised I'm attracted to women

[dollydewdrop85]

Hi

Not sure if this is the most appropriate place to post so please do feel free to signpost me elsewhere. I desperately need help/advice/handhold really.
I'm in my late 30s and I've been with my husband for 17yrs, married for 10. We have two children under 13 and, from the outside, look like the ideal family unit.

However, I have been struggling with the realisation that I am attracted to women for the last 2 or 3 years now and it's reached a point I'm mentally struggling as I know I need to leave the marriage but have no idea how to tell him.

He's a good man, although there are elements of controlling behaviour which I have only really had my eyes opened to this last 12 months. I do love him, but emotionally and sexually there is nothing. I want to separate and 'find myself' as it were, live my life truthfully and happily but have absolutely no idea where to start.

He will be heartbroken, and not sure how the kids will take a separation but surely it has to be better than how we're living now with me on eggshells, stressed and mentally drained with it all.

Thanks for reading x

I have been in same position and made the "jump", so to speak. Similar age when it happened, similar aged kids, and married for similar amount of time. I had "dabbled" with a female in my teens but settled with my hubby and got married. However, got close to a female friend, had an affair and we both left hubbies and got together, then married. Sadly, we only lasted 8 yrs and presently in process of splitting up but i don;t regret anything. I regret the way we went about it as both exes were really hurt & bitter for numerous years. I actually wish i had left him sooner. Life is way too short for regrets. Financially, it was a bit of a nightmare but all in all, i'd say it was worth it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

@Jazzzmina thanks so much for your reply. Sorry to hear you're parting ways, hope you find your happiness and it's good to hear you have no regrets.

This sounds so hard for you.

Breakups are terrible but you will all get through it and better for all of you than your current horrible situation, if you know there is no future.

Good luck, and especially good for you if you manage to go through with a breakup without being unfaithful which is sort of the easy way out but also very messy.

@dollydewdrop85 How’s it all going? I hope you’re doing well 💐