Gay because I don't like men? Or trauma?

[Jennisted]

I've been wondering recently if I'm gay.
I'm attracted to both men and women, more women than men though.

I can't stand that men think it's okay to look at other women, get turned on just by looking at another women's body and expect it to be acceptable because of 'genetics'

Like, if I want to live with someone I'll get a flatmate. If I want to talk about feelings I can talk to a friend. If I want a partner to have sex with, I don't want them drooling over everyone but coming home to me. Sexual attraction should be saved for your partner only otherwise they are just people to relieve you? That's it. Just objects.

I'm sure some women are also like this but it's accepted that there's a fundamental difference between the sexes and women generally aren't.

Or should I just stay single?

What's your question?

Is being gay sometimes caused by the aversion to a gender? (If attracted to both)

Sometimes, are your experiences involving and feelings regarding the opposite gender too severe to work through therapy with?

Being gay means only being attracted to your own sex, but a lot of people are bisexual with a preference for dating one over the other. My girlfriend is bi but hasn't been with a man for decades. Still attracted to them, but prefers to date women.

You could be bisexual if you like both men and women, but lean women. Bisexual is a perfectly adequate and descriptive label.

And if you think potential male violence is a reason for your sexual orientation, then that is fine. (I mean, not fine because trauma is awful and no one should have to experience that.) There are lots of potential reasons women can be same-sex attracted, and we should not really care why. About the only time I have seen it matter is in conversations related to political lesbians, IE women who swear off men as a political choice despite being opposite sex attracted, and then claim to be lesbians. Political lesbianism is a whole different kettle of fish.

I think many men do get turned on just by looking at a woman. I'm not sure they can do much about that, though I would certainly expect my DH not to indulge in staring at attractive women excessively. He does always come home to me. Your feelings about men's sexuality do seem to be making it harder for you to have a good relationship with a man. You could just go for a woman and might find that easier though if you fancy both.

"I'm sure some women are also like this"

I really don't think women who are attracted to women have the same fetishes and objectification about women's bodies as (some) heterosexual men do though.

I think being bi gives you more choice to try and get a person you love and who makes you comfortable. I genuinely don't think you need an excuse or explanation to choose women over men.

One only needs to look at literature and media about lesbians for het men versus lesbians to see that we don't have the same gaze and socialized behavior around recognizing a person is sexy and someone we're attracted to. (I've never been tempted to whistle at another woman or touch her ass that way after randomly seeing an attractive woman on the street.)