Only one in friend group having kids

[sensiblefootwear]

Hi there

I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with being (possibly) the only one in my friend group who is actually thinking of having kids (going to start TTC later this year hopefully!)

For various different reasons my friends, mostly LGBT, are all unable or just very unlikely to have kids - some commitedly childfree, some with too complex health issues or just past the age at which they're likely to have them.

I literally can't think of a single friend I have who I think will realistically have any children, and I'm worried about what that will do to my friendships - plus I worry about not having anyone to talk to who just 'gets it' like another parent or parent to be would.

Has anyone else been here? I think it is probably more common amongst LGBT people who have mainly LGBT friends.

Any advice on how to find other LGBT folks who are starting families? I'm in London so hopefully there'll be some good groups out there....!

None of our friends have kids and it's really disrupted the relationship we have with them....

Not really sure there is a way to sugar coat it... We are all still friends but having 2 young kids ultimately has taken its toll as we can't just go to the pub for hours on end and they aren't overly interested in the kids (I don't expect them to be) but it's a lot to try and socialise with friends when you're trying to also be the sole person that's interested in the little humans you have in toe constantly needing something. It's far easier to spend time in the company of other parents.

We have however reached out and made new friends within the community 😁.

We searched for local LGBT family groups.

But YY, it is a bit crap. I don't think us having a child meant existing LGBT friends ditched us, or drifted away, any more than they would have done in the normal course of time. What I do notice is more than straight parents very often just don't get it. Or they come out with things that they think are supportive, but just make you feel very alone. DD is five and we've always had a lot of 1) 'oh, it must be so lovely for you two, you both have each other/you have a wife each' or 2) 'it doesn't matter at all these days, does it, there's no discrimination any more'.

I do really appreciate the (small) number of lesbian mum friends we've managed to make. But I really wish I'd made a much, much more concerted effort to find other lesbian mums early on. DD is 5 and we really only started meeting up with a group when she was 3 (which was promptly disrupted by covid).