I have no idea how to "be a lesbian"

[sereniting]

Not my words. My friend who is a lesbian referred to it as this.

I've only ever dated and slept with men but I am bisexual, and trying to figure out if I am actually a lesbian. Still a bit confused.

I have been speaking to a woman and would like to meet up with her.

Is this really a whole new world? What do I need to know as a "baby gay"? There's so many terms omg.

I'm scared!

Does she know your situation? I'd advise you to explain before you meet as some lesbians don't want to date 'questioning' or bisexual women, and you don't want to get hurt or waste your time!

I was really really nervous before my first date with a women. You don't realise how hetro our society is until you try to flirt/be romantic with another women but if you keep at it (and it is for you!) then it will work itself out. Give her compliments, have a laugh, steer away from the sexual stuff as you don't want to look like you're just using her to experiment.

I would also advise you to change your dating app preferences to women only. Give yourself time to explore this properly. It can also be disheartening because there are just a lot fewer women looking to date so you will get less matches.

Also, if you're bi its fine! Doesn't have to be one way or the other! I was in your position a year ago and I now have a gf and I'm 99% sure I'm gay. She's understanding and supportive but a little insecure, which is understandable given it's my 'first time'.

I may come back with more thoughts but that's off the top of my head

I think some people are very invested in this sort of issue, and others are really not. I agree it's useful to be open about being bi/questioning as it filters out people who will be impatient about that. But plenty of people won't be bothered in the slightest. When I got divorced I decided I'd rather try dating women (having identified as bisexual before that), and I found some women were very interested in categorising everything ('I'm a demi-femme gold star lesbian and it's really important to me that I only date butches'). And other people were much more 'hi, you seem nice, would you like to get a coffee together?'

Personally I gravitated more towards the second group. But I have a very dear friend who is very into her labels, and there's nothing wrong with that either - it's just what works for you (or for the people you date).

Looks like this has been inactive for a few days but hey ho.
If you haven't already I'd say go on the date. You don't have to over explain yourself, just see if you like her honestly. If I was the date it wouldn't bother me if you're new to dating women and wouldn't expect you to go into details so soon to be honest.
I have issues labelling myself due to internalised homophobia but I've known I liked girls from a very young age and have been in a lesbian relationship for 10 years. I've experimented with guys in my younger years and I never cared about it going anywhere. Just go with your feelings and who you are drawn to.

Just go in the date! But be open with the woman from the start, no-one wants to be someone else’s experiment or phase, so respect that.

Genuine question. Why does the OP have to be completely open about her lack of experience before even going on just one date with this woman? Can’t she just have the date, see if they like each other and then be a bit more open about her past a few weeks or dates down the line, if things start looking like they might develop into something?

I can understand needing to be clear if she was just looking for an experience and or wasn't into the possibility of properly dating women, so as not to mislead anyone. But it sounds like she is very much wanting to date women, either instead of or as well as men.

I'm not advocating lying, but equally the OP shouldn't feel she has to declare her inexperience with women / the fact that she has slept with men as if that’s a problem – because it isn’t - or it shouldn't be.

I was very open about being bi and inexperienced when I started dating women and I got a lot of very hurtful and discouraging responses on apps along the lines of “I’m looking for a relationship, so I don’t date bi women” “not looking for a threesome thanks” “I’m so sorry, you seem lovely but I just don’t feel comfortable dating bi women because I don’t want to be left for a man”, “come back once you’ve picked a side / got more experience.”

I’m not advocating that anyone should have to date anyone they don’t want to, but equally being open about having dated men too, meant I was repeatedly told I was a tourist, definitely going to be unfaithful, and or a waste of time. It made me feel quite isolated and unwelcome and definitely added to the internalized biphobia I was already carrying around

@GrahameSylvia I agree with you. I'm only interested in women and if I was to go on date with someone who was new to it, it wouldn't phase me and wouldn't want a long explanation. If you like someone, you like them.
Sorry you've experienced discrimination due to being bi. Honestly some people in general are just plain wrong. Wouldn't bother me so not everyone thinks that way.