Donor sperm - open v anonymous

[Babybubbles22]

Hi everyone. My wife and I have a toddler conceived through IVF, open donor sperm from spermbank. We have been trying to have a second child but after 5 failed IVF attempts we have run out out of embryos and sperm. Unfortunately our first donor is no longer available. And to complicate matters further we are now living in a country that only allows anonymous donor sperm. The easier option would be to pursue treatment here now. It is cheaper and the travel has been very stressful. But it means, if we are successful, one of our children will have an open donor and one will have an anonymous donor. This just isn't sitting well with me. Any thoughts on the matter? Or is anyone in a similiar situation? Thank you

I’m so sorry that it hasn’t worked out for you with having the same donor.
In these days of Ancestry DNA testing I’m not sure that anyone is an anonymous donor any more.
However, I understand the impulse to give both kids the same. I have two donor conceived children (we were lucky with our treatment and they are genetically half-siblings) and before they were born we took a lot of trouble to make things exactly the same for both of them. As soon as the second was born, we had to treat him differently because he needed different things, and different things were available to us at each moment. All you can do is have equal good intentions towards them and make an equal effort to do your best, you can’t ever treat them exactly the same.
This moment in your family is difficult because you are comparing an actual child with an imaginary one. It’s easier when they are both real.
Good luck with your treatment.

Thank you Madame Dragon. That is reassuring! I never thought about DNA testing. That would be another option. And yes it is hard to think ahead in the case of an imaginary child I guess once we could support and help them whatever they choose to do. It's mad though! We actually had 10 frozen embryos so I never thought that we would have to get another donor!

@Babybubbles22 we had the same. 8 embryos only two left now. Not sure where we will land, I just know I’d love another

@Northbynorthbreast sorry to hear about your struggles. Will you keep trying? We've just had another failed transfer. This process is so difficult!