Lesbian mothers facing comments from other mothers

[JuneGreen]

Me and my wife have 2 wonderful children, ages 6 and 9. We both do the school drop off together and it's usually all perfectly fine. However, every now and then I do hear some snarky comments from some of the other mums at the gates. Do you think it would be best to have a word with them personally, or the school, or just try and ignore it?

Me and my partner often get stared at, they probably make comments behind our back too. However we just keep our heads high and show them how happy we are :) (lesbian mums too)

Depends on the comments really, what direction do they go in?

I agree, it depends what 'snarky' is. We get the odd comment from people who either haven't realised who we are (think DD has a dad, or don't get how we're related to DD). I've heard a very small number of remarks that seemed a little off, but not enough to be worth tackling.

If it is a lot of comments, is it worth raising it with school - not to complain about other parents, but to ask if they've done any PSHE about families where there are two mums?

Clearly there are some bitchy and unpleasant people at school gates across the country. But there are also lots of women who gossip a bit because they are tired and lonely and bored, and may not have spoken to another adult all day rather than actually being mean or homophobic. A certain measure of speculation as to who 'goes with' who comes from the latter rather than the former along sometimes with a desire to not put your foot in it.

If either of you is brave enough volunteer for the pta. Over the course of a few meetings/events (IF and only IF it's going well and you feel happy to) drop in when where you got married, and how you prefer to be referred to e.g. are you both both 'mum'?

By the time you're actually on the family picnic or staffing the hook a duck or whatever pretty much everyone will know pretty much everything and they'll have moved on to some more mysterious drama.

You're lucky if that's your experience, @toastfairy. How on earth did you work in what you wanted to be called, during a PTA meeting?! We both do PTA and I can't imagine that conversation not being seen as self-centred.

I do take your point (Full disclosure friends of mine not me) but every time someone got it 'wrong' and said x's mum she said "no I'm x's step mum, lala is mum". But mum = female parent, and x has 2 mums is what other people go with so people not guessing right wasn't really malicious.

Might be easier if just one is there, like "my wife might be able to get a tombola gift off work do you want me to ask her?" ;-D

If you go to the pta meeting and hang around drinking tea /coffee at the beginning middle or end as the situation calls for and no-one is pumping you for info you can at least be confident you're really not being gossiped about (at least any more than anyone else). They probably did feel more confident because they worked in schools.

Sorry to ask - but are you a mum in a same-sex relationship at all, then?