how do kids cope

[Mitsu]

Hi there. I'm a single mum. my son is 11 and he is really struggling with my sexuality as some kids found out and made fun.he's scared that his other friends will know.I'd like him to meet with other kids of gay parents and I would like some tips on how to deal with it.We live in NW London
Thanx
Mitsu

I can't really help as I have only dealt with this as a teacher but I wanted you to know that this had been read. I think anything that makes a child 'different' can cause problems with other children. Kids pick up on all sorts of things and can be terribly unkind.

The main thing is for your DS to feel comfortable with you and to be confident enough to realise that, whatever his friends may say/ do, you are his mum and you love him. That people will say horrible things (about this issue and all sorts of other things too) but that doesn't mean that they are right.

I taught a 9/10 year old whose mums were gay. The mums were actively involved in his school-life and he was fiercely protective of them. He was a really lovely boy and dealt with negative comments fairly well. He sometimes came to me quietly at lunchtime in tears over what had been said about his mums but was always able to discuss it very maturely and could keep things in perspective & compose himself before facing his 'friends'. Does your DS have anyone he at school that he can talk to?

Hi Mitsu. It's true, kids can be horrible to each other. I think Overrated is right, the best thing is for your ds to know that you love and support him.

My dd is 9 and was called names by a couple of kids at school last year. One time a teacher heard this and the school dealt with it really well.

Our situation is a bit different, because everyone at the school knows that dd has two mums, so finding out is not an issue.

Hi Mitsu, there are a lot of lesbian mums in London. Have you looked at the website www.outforourchildren.com? Good luck, wish I could help more. My son is a baby but I'm sure we will face the same thing one day.

My mum came out when I was 11, to be completely honest I did get a hard time. Although in hindsight it wasnt as bad looking back as I tohught it was at the time, a little bit of name calling, whispering that sort of thing. There were certainly kids getting hassled a lot more than me for having ginger hair/wearing glasses/being thick/being clever etc etc.

It will be hard for him at first, 11 is an age where you are finding your own identity, discovering who you are and such like. Pretty soon though he will get his head round it, and then when anyone says anything it will be a case of him saying "yeah ok so what". I remember my younger sister used to introduce my mums partner as "her friend" which was a bit upsetting for them, but things do get easier.

You are his mum, and you love him and thats all thats important. I think things are lot easier now than they were 15+ years ago, especially in that fancy London town place

Sorry I just re-read this and t doesnt make any sense whatsoever.

A little bit different to most people here, I have 2 dads and to be honest it has never been a problem for me my dads have always been out and proud and I'm just the same.

I am 24 now and was one of the popular cool kids in High School & college etc. I think the problem comes when children feel the need to hide it because then other kids realise it ia a weakness. For instance there was this one girl in High School when I was about 13 and we were having an argument about something and she came out with some very original retort like, "your dads gay!" and my response was just, "And?" because it genuinely was a non issue for me. My dad is gay she was right; why was she stating the obvious?

My sister on the other hand (less secure of the 2 of us, still a bossy loud child though!) told all her friends that my dads partner was her uncle and when it eventually (and obviously) transpired that this was not true she was tortured to hell and back.

I think so long as your children are 100% comfortable with your sexuality & confident, secure kids then they will be fine. Just tell your son if that's the worst thing people have to say about him that's quite good going!