How to talk to your trans identifying child

[CoachCarrie]

Hi, my daughter decided she was trans in 2020. At first we were supportive because we're liberal and equated it to being LGB. But then I started doing research and became absolutely horrified. I'm an attorney, an author and at the time I was writing fan fiction for a ship that has a character a lot of young people identify as trans. I think I learned a lot of things other parents didn't because I spent a lot of time talking to teens online due to my fiction writing.

After several conversations with my daughter over the next few months she realized she wasn't trans. She's now happy being a young woman who wears what she wants and doesn't think about her identity. I just finished life coaching school and this feels like my mission in life-- helping parents talk to their kids and the best way to approach it. I would love to post some of these ideas and get feedback and real world testing to see if it's as helpful as I think it is before I go out into the world and offer my services as a business. I hope that's appropriate to do here!

Firstly, I think the trans ideology has to be approached like a cult. Which means trying to point out the cognitive dissonance when things don't make sense. Imo the first step is starting with JK Rowling. Asking your teen what she did, why she was cancelled and how they know she's hateful. And then letting them see what she actually wrote which is on her website. (Print it out). I asked my daughter where she was wrong because I couldn't see what was so hateful and I wanted to understand. I believe calm facts and rational conversation is how one gets through. I read irreversible harm and I know what it's like to be afraid but what I never see are solutions. This has consumed me for the last year. Thank you to anyone who reads and interacts!

[DoubleTweenQueen]

Yes. Children who are gender-questioning need a neutral environment to explore and develop, not automatic affirmation of a trans identity.

LGBT lobby groups are getting into and influencing schools - including junior and nursery settings - under the guise of inclusion and anti-bullying, which is appropriate - but also influencing counseling children in schools, but also more widely, child psychology in the NHS/CAHMS and wider fields.

Look at what has happened at the Tavistock clinic.

As a scientist, I look at the evidence.
Children are highly neuro-plastic and influenced by social media which has become an increasingly difficult area to navigate. Social contagion has also been clearly exemplified.

Look at Genspect (recent ROGD conference) and Bayswater Support Group.

It is very difficult to get support for a child who is gender-questioning, as exploring possible co-morbidities (anxiety, neuro-diversity) is frowned upon and a grey area with 'conversion' within too-powerful lobby groups.

Schools are often going straight to acceptance and enabling if the child's wish to socially transition - pronouns and name, affirmative counseling. This is happening without the knowledge, let alone consent, of parents.

This is a very large issue in schools right now, and likely to get worse after the social isolation of the pandemic.

For me, am late to realise what is happening. It doesn't make sense to me to affirm a child as trans or gay while they are going through the change and development of adolescence - thinking 9-15yrs.
A neutral space to figure things out, reject toxic social and media stereotypes and traditional patriarchal views on gender roles and conforming, yes, but not move to puberty blockers, hormones, or cosmetic surgery - such as double mastectomy for girls.
80% of children who present at clinic with gender disphoria, and do not start on puberty blockers, will move away from it as they mature. They may be gay, or not.

My concern is the push for this - where is it coming from? Apart from a new market for drug companies and plastic surgeons.....

It's a dangerous area we are stumbling into, and we all need to make ourselves aware.

I'm in the UK, and would be really interested to hear your thoughts and ideas for an approach to gender-questioning children.

I have a DD who seems to be in this group. My older DD has an eating disorder. Both in the last 18months and the terror & worry plus social isolation of the pandemic.
I suspect a deeper anxiety, past bullying, and low self-esteem, plus guilt of privilege, is the deeper root for both girls' distress.

Am approaching with love, support for how wonderful they are, as they are.