advice needed

[essexgirl58]

I am a total mess. I recently got chatting to this lovely bloke online. He seems perfect and he likes me a lot and we have spoken about meeting up and going on a date. However, for a very long time (a few years) I have fanticised about being with a woman. For various reasons this has never happened. It came close but the woman chickened out an I did not hear from her again. I get more turned on by women than men, but I suppose until I have an actualy relationship with a woman I will never know if I like women more than men.

Here is my dilema. This bloke is very polite and not the usual knind of prevert you get online. He has never asked me any personal sexual questions about my body or sexual desires or anything. He is also good looking with a good job. As we have not yet met, I am not committed to him so I am free to chat to other people. I do not want to hurt him but on the other hand, I do not want to live with any regrets so before we meet and get into anything more than just chatting online, I think I have to sort out what it is I really want because once we meet then thats it and I could not then go back and find a woman to flirt with or who wants to meet me. If the boot was on the other foot and I discovered he seretly fancied men then I would be annoyed for falling for someone who could potentially disappear for a man but on the other hand he could potentially disappear for a woman but disappearing for a may would be a bigger blow. I do not want to just agree to meet him just because he is better than nothing because that would mean I was using him and I know for a fact that he is really into me.

Any advcice?

I think you are quite right to want to investigate the road not yet travelled before you go any further with this man. You'd need to be proactive because even though he is a decent bloke he won't wait around for you forever. Go onto women-seeking-women websites and see who you can link up with. (Caution - unfortunately there will be a fair few male fantasists on these sites so you may not succeed in linking up with a woman on the first attempt).

Yes it's possible that while you are exploring this other possibility, the man you have met might meet someone else and might no longer be available if you later decide that he is what you wanted after all. However it's impossible to always fully explore all possibilities, there must always be paths not taken. You can't waste your life on regret for might-have-been so make your peace wirh that possibility. It will be ok either way - if you do later decide that you are more into men but this man isn't available, eventually another good match will show up, sooner or later, most likely wheb you least expect.

yes but maybe I have found Mr Right and should not dismiss it out of hand just for some idle fantasy and then Mr Right disapears and then I spend the next however many years looking again or thinking I am better off single. My last bloke who I knew for 10 years passed away and he was the only bloke who really understood me an he was my soul mate. It was while I was with him that I suddenly discovered my attraction to women after meeting a woman at work and thinking wow she is fantastic but the woman at work was not gay and very hapilly married. I was totally and utterly besotted with her. I will never forget her or what I felt at that time.

You are right, you may have met Mr Right. Or at least Mr Alright. You can only ever take one path, there will always be a path not taken, and whatever you don't do now will occasionally prompt you to wonder what would have happened if you had. You can't keep two doors open indefinitely - but the comfortable "normal" find-a-nice-man-and-settle-down well-worn path is the one that will be easiest to find your way back to if the other path doesn't work out, and the hardest to struggle free from if you start off down it and feel it might have been a big mistake, which is why I thought it would be best to experiment with the other idea first.