Looking for some advice on starting TTC journey as a lesbian couple

[asarihuntress]

I'm a lesbian in a long-term same sex relationship with my girlfriend. We are both in our late 20s. We have been together for 4 years. We have been discussing having kids for a while and are completely sure that it's what we both want. We are both fit and healthy. We are in a good place in our lives to have children together. We are planning on getting married next year but want to start preparing for TTC as soon as possible. I've recently started looking into what our options are for conceiving. I understand that there is IVF and IUI. From what I have researched, IVF has higher success rates, but is a lot more expensive than IUI. For ladies who have already started TTC, which method did you go for and why? We would most likely be going down the route of using a sperm donor through a licensed clinic. There are a lot of clinics out there. What sort of things did you consider before you chose a clinic? Did you pay for extras like embryo glue or an endometrial scratch? Would love to hear from any SS couples who have already started TTC or have already had kids.

1. if you want to go on the birth certificate and be recognised as parents - get married BEFORE you conceive. And use as clinic, known donors can be good or bad, but legally it’s easier through a clinic as you have to show that the donor was a donor and there was no sexual relationship!
2. try IUI first. If you’re young, healthy and have no fertility issues then it’s relatively cheap ( ours cost £2k totally including all tests, procedure and sperm) and i conceived right away. You will have some basic hormone tests etc and be scanned to check that there’s no obvious issue with you getting pregnant, then the clinic will scan and monitor you so that the IUI happens EXACTLY when you ovulate. You take something that triggers ovulation when your follicles look ready enough and the next day your in…

Good luck! And please think about marriage/ or a CP BEFORE you conceive. It will save you massive headaches…

IUI is cheaper but donor sperm is expensive. Combine that with the lower success rate of iui and it's worth thinking about how quickly you'd reach the same cost as ivf anyway and therefore whether it's better just to start with that as it has higher success rate (and potentially you get enough embryos to freeze some for future use)

You don't need to get married before treatment. The clinic will give you forms to complete to confirm you're getting treatment as a couple, to ensure legal responsibility for both of you for the child. Then you can both be on the birth certificate.

Check out the different sperm banks before you start. If you want to e.g see adult photos of the donor (not just baby pics) you will probably need to use an American bank (e.g Xytex) you will then need to check your clinic can import from America. Different clinics have different licenses and partnerships with different banks.

Hi

I have just undergone IVF and in a SS relationship.

I second that you don’t need to marry if you go through a clinic. They get you to sign a ton of forms- it’s a big plus of going through the clinic.

We used Cryos International sperm bank in Denmark. And went with Care Fertility. Paid for 2 IVF cycles. Meds, sperm and treatment (inc. initial testing) cost about 10k. Got pregnant on first go and now 25 weeks!

Cryos- have baby photos, lots of info, good choice, expensive but brilliant services cr and we’ll spoken of by embryologists.

Care, cheapest in my area, didn’t feel super ‘cared for’ but satisfied and pregnant! Have friends that used more expensive clinics and they weren’t totally happy either! A bit like a production line. You pay a lot, but don’t get better care than NHS.

Biggest challenge was choices at each stage!

Hi, we have two children.

We used a regional branch of the London Women’s Clinic and were happy with the care provided.

1st child I was early thirties so opted for medicated IUI - pregnant on third round. Bought more of the same donor sperm to keep on ice.
2nd child I was a few years older so i had IVF and fell pregnant first time.

TBH, with the benefit of hindsight, I would have had IVF both times. It wasn’t much more invasive than the IUI and I may have been able to freeze some to use for a second cycle.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Hi asarihuntress! How are you? Have you and your girlfriend decided which way to go yet?

I am in a same sex relationship too and we decided on IUI, even though I was 36, as I was fit and healthy and I wanted to do it as natural as possible, kind of to see if I could! The other main reason was the massive cost of IVF compared to IUI! Also IVF is a lot more invasive and I didn't want to go through it if I didn't have to. And I think IVF pregnancies are naturally classed as high risk?

We ended up having 3 non-medicated IUIs and 2 medicated and we finally got pregnant and had our beautiful girl on our 5th IUI, I was 38!

I just actually started the following (really long!) thread detailing how IUI works plus our fertility journey as a same sex couple:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/4472127-How-IUI-works-plus-our-fertility-journey-as-a-same-sex-couple