11 year old non binary

[Weirdmom]

Was advised to post this here from aibu

So my daughter is 11 and has told me she's non binary.. Over the last month she's decided she wants to change her name, pro nouns and bind her chest...
One of her friends decided the same thing a few months before and I'm unsure if this is something to fit in or a phase etc?

I know I'm gonna get alot of hate for this but I'm finding it very overwhelming all of a sudden and I don't want her to rush into descions that could affect her later in life if this turns out to be a phase etc

she has undiagnosed adhd and odd and sometimes does act alot younger than her peers and can be very impulsive. I'm trying to support her the best I can but I'm at a loss at what to do if anyone has any advice or experience please.

[GoldieLow]

I can see this is a couple of weeks old but I've got a lot of experience in this area with people close to me.
The first thing you need to do is make sure you communicate with your child as much as possible without lecturing or imposing what you think non-binary means. The younger generations have a much better grasp on these things than we do since they're growing up more accepting than we were since most of us had never heard of these things. Let your child tell you how they feel.
Changing their name and their pronouns is not forcefully permanent and it doesn't hurt anyone. If they feel more comfortable with non-binary pronouns then it'll be a win for them.
Your child is far too young for a binder and they absolutely don't need one. They can be dangerous and harmful and being so young it'll pose more risks. There are other ways to help with dysphoria.
If your child is struggling it's always a good idea to take them to a GP where they can be referred to receive counselling or be assessed.

Please don't panic. Your child is not going to become a new person. And if it is a phase or a trend, they'll come to realise that on their own. Pronouns and name changing can easily be changed back if they change their mind. Just listen to them, support them and get them help if they need if. Just please skip the binder and make sure they don't get one from somewhere else. They're very dangerous if not work properly.

[aoibhacado]

it could be a phase. or it could not be. does it matter? call them by their preferred name and pronouns, and even if they choose later to go back to their old name and start using she/her again, it literally will not matter. just let them go by what they want, and i promise you it WILL NOT affect their future in the slightest.

ps.
chest binding is safe if you do it correctly, but binders can be pricey. my sibling uses two sports bras instead, one on normally and one placed backwards over it. if they start binding, it's not permanent and they can stop at any time. i think it's a little early for anything permanent like hormones, but a name, a sports-bra-binder, and maybe a haircut would be a good start.

[cansu]

I would say no to any binding. If she wants to use different pronouns say nothing but don't make a big deal out if it.

[aoibhacado]

also, if they do get a binder, be SURE to know that they can not be worn overnight or during sports, and not to buy cheap ones from amazon. also, a good alternative to a binder is "trans tape," which is exactly what it sounds like, a medicated tape placed on the chest to give the illusion of a flat chest.

[BiologicalKitty]

What is her Internet access like? Are you keeping a close eye on her activities? 11 is very young for this sort of ask - how much time is she spending with you vs friends? In your position I would immediately institute a break from the Internet and spend more time with her over the holiday break. Reduce her exposure to this way of thinking immediately.

Longer term, a binder is of course unacceptable and will harm her, so you can't allow it.

[littleburn]

Zombie thread from 2021.

[BiologicalKitty]

The person who brought the thread back up is claiming binders are safe, so it's worth responding anyway to refute that. Binders are harmful and dangerous.

[Glenthebattleostrich]

I work in a highschool and am seeing first hand the damage binders are doing. They are very unsafe and damaging.

[aoibhacado]

@BiologicalKitty my sister uses one, they can be safe if done correctly