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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

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Original poster

AIBU - DD6 year old in my bed with wife and me in DD6 bed

18 replies

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 20:41

DW went to bed early as tired. I was doing bedtime.
DD6 goes and climbs into bed with DW. I said come and brush your teeth and said to DW it's nearly 8pm she needs to come to bed. DW said she's fine here.
I've asked DD6 to come to bed as we can't all fit in that bed together.
DW gets annoyed with me saying go and lie in her bed and she will come through eventually.

I asked DW if she could try and help encourage DD6 to come to her own bed that would be good. But the more DW says 'go into her bedroom and wait for her dd6 plays up even more.

So to just keep the peace I've come into dd6 bed and waiting for her to come in.

I've tried to get to her come in but she's just plays up and me and DW argue...

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed?

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MerryDecembermas · 28/06/2021 20:45

What are you annoyed about? DW disagreeing with you? DD6 not doing as you told her? DW and DD6 being in your bed?

DH and I divide and conquer at bedtime, we take 1 child each to bed in separate rooms and stay there until they are asleep. It's not unusual.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 20:47

I am annoyed as dd6 isn't doing as she's told and is in my bed about to fall asleep. Dw isn't helping and not encouraging dd6 to come into her own bed. Instead just argues with me saying she will come into her own bed eventually and how we both don't see eye to eye with parenting.
Think she's fallen asleep now in my bed.

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Clickbait · 28/06/2021 20:47

Is this a one-off or does it happen every night? If it's a one-off I'd let it go. Does it really matter if DD wants a cuddle?

StColumbofNavron · 28/06/2021 20:48

DS3 has always come to bed with me (he is 10 now and shows no sign of stopping). We do story and he falls asleep. DH takes him to his bed when he comes to bed. Works well for us as I go pretty early (c.9-10) and DH far later. These days DS walks and climbs up the ladder to his bed whilst still fast asleep.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 20:49

@Clickbait

Is this a one-off or does it happen every night? If it's a one-off I'd let it go. Does it really matter if DD wants a cuddle?

This has happened a few times now...

I can't carry her into her own bed when she's asleep as she's to big to carry now.

OP posts:

zippityzip · 28/06/2021 20:50

You'll always find an army of women on here that advocate co sleeping and bed sharing like it's the total norm and it's actually not. It's done out of sheer exhaustion and desperation. Your child is 6 - not a baby. She's more than capable of doing as she's told with some encouragement, decent boundaries and routine. YANBU.

HighlandCowbag · 28/06/2021 20:53

My ds is 7. I love sleeping with him as a 1 off, maybe once every 6-8 weeks. Dh just kips on the sofa or gets in his bed. Occasionally ds asks for a sleepover with dh.

You sound a bit controlling tbh. Dw isn't doing what you want, dd isn't doing what you want and you are billy no mates. Just go and snuggle up with them or suck it up. Unless it's happening every night it's not a big deal.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 20:54

My wife just has a go at me saying I am being difficult and I have to wait in her bed for her to come into. I only asked wife to support me and encourage dd6 to come to her own bed.

We always take it in turns to do story and lie in bed with her until she falls asleep.

OP posts:

SheldonesqueDoesNotBelongHere · 28/06/2021 21:00

The child is old enough to go to her own bed.

You are old enough to claim your own bed.

If this is a regular occurrence, yanbu.

You shouldn’t have to wait to go to your own bed.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 21:03

Wife said last week she wants to separate as we don't agree on parenting etc. I don't want to split.

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Livpool · 28/06/2021 21:10

DS is 5 and has done this before and it is annoying but if is a one-off I couldn't get excited about this.

Sometimes young children just feel like it I think because they feel safe and can have a nice cuddle

DotBall · 28/06/2021 21:16

No wonder couples split up when kids come along. It is not the case that children should be prioritised above and beyond all else, there needs to be a balance.

Your partner needs to recognise that a quick cuddle and ‘back to your own bed’ for a 6 year old child is normal, not kicking you out of your own bed.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 21:22

@DotBall

No wonder couples split up when kids come along. It is not the case that children should be prioritised above and beyond all else, there needs to be a balance.

Your partner needs to recognise that a quick cuddle and ‘back to your own bed’ for a 6 year old child is normal, not kicking you out of your own bed.

That's all I wanted dw to say. Time to you into your own bed.

Instead, she completely ignores my pleas for support. Says DD6 is fine here etc...she just doesn't help with setting boundaries and think she just confuses dd6.

Dw just instead has a go at me saying we're just not on the same page and I am being difficult...honestly I just give up.

I try to avoid having arguements with her

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Rno3gfr · 28/06/2021 21:25

I’d be annoyed if dp undermined me
trying to get dc to bed while lounging unhelpfully in bed himself. I want bedtime to be over an done with and not dragged on. Fair enough if this is a one off but otherwise it’s very annoying.

Herewegoagainok · 28/06/2021 21:32

That sounds really annoying op. Can you imagine the glee as a 6 year old if you were being effectively backed up by one of your parents to disobey the other. There was no chance she was going to go to her own bed once your partner said that.

Unless my partner was Ill I'd be shocked by them going to bed at 8pm, if they went to sleep then they'd be up at a stupid hour the next day.

I'd hate this whole setup sorry.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 21:36

@Herewegoagainok

Unless my partner was Ill I'd be shocked by them going to bed at 8pm, if they went to sleep then they'd be up at a stupid hour the next day.

I'd hate this whole setup sorry.

I hate it also. It's complicated as I don't want to leave our house and separate. This would rock our dd6 world and my world.

I think dw has lost all respect for me and the I've lost respect for myself. Constantly being put down and undermined.

We agreed some years ago I would work part time to be homemaker and take dd6 to after school activities etc.

Now dw wants to split and I can't find work to keep a roof over my head. Most importantly I am not ready to end our 24 year relationship.

OP posts:

HighlandCowbag · 28/06/2021 21:53

If she wants to split and you can't find work to leave and have been the homemaker, she needs to leave. You need legal advuce re the house.

You are both ignoring the 6 year old stuck between the power struggle between you both. If dw doesn't want to share a bed with you don't force it, especially while your dd is there. Discuss with dw how sleeping arrangements will work moving forwards. Not in front of dd tho.

Original poster

Googleboxfan · 28/06/2021 22:05

@HighlandCowbag

If she wants to split and you can't find work to leave and have been the homemaker, she needs to leave. You need legal advuce re the house.

I getting some legal advice. Going to get my ducks in a row before she does decide to leave.me.

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