How long TTC in female same-sex couple

[2mumlife]

Hi everyone,

We're about to start of 6th attempt at trying to conceive. We've had 4 IUI attempts before moving to IVF, and had 1 fresh embryo IVF attempt. So far nothing but BFNs.

I'm just wondering how long it took other couples trying to concieve? I'm 31 and have no known fertility issues (normal AMH, normal weight etc etc) and I just want some hope that it will work eventually!

Thanks

Hi, first off everyone is different so things can take longer for no logical reason.

My wife and I did reciprocal ivf so my egg her carrying and surprisingly it worked first time( she’s pregnant now) however we did follow a very strict diet using based on things I read online about egg quality and how to improve your womb lining.

Are you using the same sperm for all these attempts ? Has it been analysed ? From my experience (i read a lot!) it honestly doesn’t sound like there’s anything to worry about, it can just take time and ivf as they say is far more likely to work than iui.

Did they give you a rating for the fresh embryo?
Good luck!

Hi, not sure this will help you feel much better but took my Wife and I 5 years 3 different donors. Started with at home inseminations (back when it was legal) then IUI at clinic then IVF. I was in my 20s then early 30s when it worked from our last embabies with a FET. We now have almost 4 month old twins. Others we know got BFPs on first IUI! Wishing you guys lots of luck! X

We did six lots of IUI (with an ectopic pregnancy resulting from the third cycle), then I got pregnant using a frozen embryo for our first cycle of IVF. I followed the stupidly strict diet in Emma Cannon's Baby-Making Bible and had weekly acupuncture too; not sure if any of it helped, but it made me feel like I was being proactive. We used a different sperm donor each time - we were very unforgiving! Wishing you the best of luck - I know it's a very gruelling process.

Thanks for all the advise everyone!

@Vendeevola Using the same donor - nothing seems to be wrong with sperm. We had a rubbish egg collection, but the 2 mature eggs I did get produced a 5AA and 4AA day 5 blastocyst, so consultant keeps saying to focus on that aspect. Congratulations to you!

@BuffyFanForever Wow that is a long journey! So pleased you got there in the end!

@SanJunipero I've not tried accupunture. I don't have a bad diet, and I've cut out caffine and upped my protein intake, but I've not been following any particular diet, just generally eating healthy most the time. Congrats on it working eventually!

Forgot to say we were early and mid thirties when we went through the process. I think the book I followed is called ‘it starts with the egg’ or something similar. It’s a really good one to help things make sense.

Are you taking any supplements? This is also something we did. It sounds like the quality of the embryos is good. Are you using a frozen embryo next then?

From my experience I would say keep the communication really open with the clinic, after all you are paying a lot of money. Ask for a plan of action and what steps they would suggest may help.

I know it’s hard but there are lots of positives, the embryo rating is good and you have age on your side.

If you have any questions feel free to pm me. It helped us a lot to have people to talk to and we really were prepared to be in it for the long run and didn’t expect it to actually work. We’re still in shock I think!

Good luck!

@Vendeevola That's lovely. I'm taking some vitamins, and I did a course of co-enzyme Q10 before the egg collection cycle. Might check out the book - was having a little look at Fertility diets, and seem to mostly be really pretty good anyway - I don't eat red meat anyway so most my protein is coming from veg/grains/pulses already (and I've been upping the protein a bit more lately having more fish) I make our own bread with flax seeds and other good stuff in it, don't eat that many carbs.

I didn't respond as expected on stims and already have a new protocol plan if we need to do another egg collection (we've got an Access Fertility package that'll cover it, but gosh the meds cost s lot of go!)

Yeah doing FET next, just waiting for AF to start really now!

It's helpful just seeing how varied it's been for everyone, it really is just luck of the draw isn't it?

Did they look into why you’re not responding as expected? If it was me I think I would give it three goes on ivf (easier said than done I know!) then explore using different sperm or possibly your partner carrying.

Did you get the sperm from a clinic? I guess the fact it’s produced high quality embryos is a good sign. I know that’s where a lot of people can encounter issues.

It really does seem to be down to luck! My wife was on progesterone to help too.

Thanks

No real reason for not responding, so they've just changed protocol as sometimes you can just get a better response with a different protocol (we're moving from a long protocol to a Flare protocol), and they're looking at doing a delayed egg collection next time as I still had quite a few immature eggs where they would have expected them to be mature, so they think some extra time after trigger will help (also could help explain why IUI didn't work if I didn't ovulate at expected time after trigger).

We've only paid up for 1 more egg collection round (and all subsequent FET from that round). After that I think we might look at NHS as we'd be elligble by then.

We got sperm from the European Sperm Bank rather than clinic.

For various reasons my partner really doesn't want to carry. I've kidded that we should use her older eggs instead but she's not keen unless there becomes any evidence that my eggs are rubbish.

I'm on a slightly increased progesterone regime for FET as I started bleeding 4dp5dt on fresh cycle, so they've added in Lubion injections onto the progesterone passaries for FET.

We'll see. I'm trying to take faith that many hetero couples wouldn't have concieved after 5 months either. Its just harder emotionally with BFNs when you know they've put back a living embryo

@2mumlife it is really hard seeing the bfn when you’ve had a FET, far worse I think than after an IUI. Good luck with your next fet. Hopefully the fact they are changing your meds etc will be helpful. Shows they are properly thinking about how to increase your chances too.

5 rounds of ICI here and BFN every time. Currently saving up for IVF as same sex couples aren’t eligible for NHS funding in our postcode (IVF with donor sperm isn’t funded).

I feel a bit sick when I think about all the money.

I have sympathies with everyone trying to conceive but I can’t help to feel a little bit jealous that straight couples can try without spending an absolute fortune.

@CatPurple I completely know what you mean. We couldn’t even get a blood test on the nhs in our area let alone anything else. Entire life savings used and I worked 5 jobs 7 days a week for years just to pay for it all, along with my wife taking on every extra shift she could. When a very good (straight) friend was ttc and complained she had to sleep with her husband “all the time” I very nearly lost it 🙄🤷‍♀️

@CatPurple @BuffyFanForever We've been entirely self funded too. We become eligible for NHS after 6 self-funded rounds here. We held back from putting down a bigger deposit on house to fund treatment, and I work a second job. I get asking same sex couples to fund some of their rounds, but I wish they said something like 3 or 4 IUI rounds and if that doesn't work giving couples IVF on the NHS instead.

@CatPurple Its worth looking at Access Fertility packages if you're going IVF if your clinic takes them. It at least helps budget a bit (you still have drug costs which are a bti astronomical)

Yes I agree costs are awful, we were going to remortgage if needing too. We did reciprocal which hugely bumps price up.

I really would suggest trying to relax as much as possible about it. I know it’s easier said than done but I think mental attitude can make a difference, if your minds on high alert all the time your body can be too.

The clinic sound like they are being proactive so fingers crossed

It’s so hard isn’t it @BuffyFanForever? The fact you now have twins is giving me hope though!

@2mumlife thanks so much, I’ve just checked their website and our clinic is included! The pricing information isn’t very clear though so I’ve requested more info.

So difficult isn't it. Hopefully this time will be your time.
My partner and I have had 2 bfn after iui. Onto first ivf now,day 1 of her cycle was yesterday so menopur starts on Tuesday. She is out at reflexology now and has been having acupuncture we have also started doing mindfulness,I know everyone doesn't believe in holistic sides,but anything to help her/us relax at this point is worth us trying.

Anything that helps you feel better, relaxed or just abit calmer is totally worth it! I tried the acupuncture but felt like I was in a black cab watching the cost rise when I realised most of the time is just resting there lol. Reflexology sounds lovely though! Sounds silly but the main thing that worked for me was the bucket loads of pineapple in the 2WW! Sounds so stupid but was the only thing we did differently 🤷‍♀️ Lol.

Thats interesting I forgot about the pineapple trick.we were so anxious the last time about it was do hard to relax hoping with the holistic side this time might be easier for us

If you're on instagram, look up @ourbiggayjourney

They have gone through similar to you, there's recently been a happy ending but they documented everything, there's lots of details, it might help to read through. They're also lovely to connect to.

@CatPurple I think the Access Fertility pricing changes depending how expensive the clinic you're going with usually is! It can also vary with medical background. I got a much clearer price list once I told them which clinic I was with.

@Vendeevola Been doing the Mindful IVF app and trying to relax. I was pretty relaxed first 3 IUI goes, last IUI go I felt a bit more anxious wanting it to work as we'd kind of decided it would be our last IUI attempt, but I also at that point had started just thinking it wouldn't work. Fresh IVF go was a nightmare once we hit EC, and I was in a terrible head space after crap EC, and an even worse head space when I started bleeding so early after ET. Honestly who thing was just a horrible experience, and I think I was both hormally and mentally off the rails at the time when I look back at it. So I've been making a conscious effort for this ET to NOT be like that.

@Newchances Aww good luck! My AF has gone AWOL again so I'm just biding time now until my next CD1

@BuffyFanForever I've cut up a fresh pineapple into rings and frozen to have as snacks for this next round and a bag of brazil nuts stashed away too (ate those a lot last time). Luckily I like both

@SisterMonicaJoansHabit Thansk for the tip. I absolutely LOVE your handle btw

We just had a look at ourbiggayjourney on Instagram and have taken a leaf out of their book and ordered a wee baby grow - trying to have a positive attitude,we had to go for a.covid test today (our ivf is through the NHS and they made us do a150mile round trip,although the NHS are testing 3 miles from our house) although I shouldn't complain as I know its free and we have just paid off our credit cards after 3 years of paying off iui. I just can't understand it,I am double vaccined and get tested weekly at work as i work in the NHS - apparently none of this matters and we have a further 2 tests before the egg transfer !

Anyways happy Friday everyone!

I think the Access Fertility pricing changes depending how expensive the clinic you're going with usually is! It can also vary with medical background. I got a much clearer price list once I told them which clinic I was with.
Got the list sent through and yes you’re right @2mumlife. They also seem to have an age bracket. At 37 it’s a bit pricier than being under 35 but I understand that.

Thanks again for the info, it’s really helpful!

@Newchances I'd take the 105 mile round trip to have NHS funding!! Its crazy how different things are, we don't have to have covid tests at our clinic even though we're not vaccinated (my partner gets her vaccine next week, but I've had to delay mine until we see how this cycle goes).

@CatPurple Ah I was lucky, I'm 31 so theoretically I should be more fertile than this!

My AF came yesterday, so just waiting until clinic opens this morning so I can get confirmed to start drugs for our FET cycle come on baby!

How did you get on with the clinic @2mumlife?

@YelloYelloYello After a bit of harnessing them for poor communication, we got the green light, so just finished first day of meds, so here's hoping for a tip-top condition lining that makes this baby stick!