first time IVF

[BrightSide1987]

Hi everyone, my wife and I are embarking on our first IVF attempt later this month and wanted to see if anyone else is in the same boat?

We've gone through all our initial testing and are ready to go as soon as my next cycle starts. Feeling nervous and excited and trying to stay cool!

Wishing anyone else TTC the best of luck!

We are have our initial consult next month, it’s with an NHS clinic so I’m not sure what the timeline will be after that. Are you doing reciprocal?

Hi @applejuju, how exciting for you! Not sure if NHS clinic will be the same but for us the biggest wait was for donor sperm (c. 6 weeks), everything else feels like it has moved pretty fast so just under 4 months from initial consult to starting on our first cycle. If you already have donor sperm in place then things might move quicker!

We did consider reciprocal but decided against it in the end. I've always been the one keen to carry and my wife's health history is a little complex so we wanted to avoid her being poked and prodded if we could. We both have fairly similar ovarian reserve so didn't feel it would increase our chances either. But my wife is ready to step in and give it a go if my ovaries don't play ball! Is reciprocal your preference?

@BrightSide1987 are you with an NHS as well? We have tentatively picked out a donor but weren’t sure how it would work with the clinic or if they will provide one, so haven’t ordered or anything.

Reciprocal is our first choice because the citizen requirements of our (different) home countries are less lesbian friendly than here, and reciprocal means we’ll both undeniably be the mother and bb can have both our citizenships. Our plan is her eggs, I carry, but we are open to the other way if that works better.

@Applejuju sounds like good reasoning for going reciprocal - my wife will automatically be a legal parent here in the UK but totally understand that it’s not as simple in many other countries! Hopefully all will go to plan for you.

We’ve gone to a private clinic (CARE). We wouldn’t have qualified for any NHS fertility treatment unless we’d done a certain number of cycles of insemination, so we decided against spending money on IUI and to go straight for IVF. Our local NHS fertility clinic doesn’t take private patients, so we chose CARE mostly due to location, though they have good success rates too. Our decision to skip IUI was bolstered by the discovery that I had low ovarian reserve (we already suspected my wife might due to aforementioned health issues) so thought we best get cracking (no pun intended)! It’s certainly not cheap though! Have you been through IUI or are you also going straight for IVF?

@BrightSide1987 we decide to go straight to IVF due to wanting reciprocal + I’ve had a couple surgeries for endometriosis so it seemed best not to try with IUI. The only clinic near me is the NHS one, so we didn’t have much choice there, but they seem to think we might get funding (which would be awesome!) they also take self funded patients.

What bank did you use for your donor?

Hi @Applejuju makes sense! If you can get funding that would be amazing - fingers crossed for you!

We used CARE’s own donor bank and to be fair it was pretty seamless. We didn’t have much in the way of specific requests in terms of donor criteria so it was quite quick (can take longer if you want certain characteristics). I don’t know if your clinic will be the same but ours only accepts donor sperm from a specific list of banks so it’s worth checking if that’s the case.

@BrightSide1987 it’s so interesting trying to decide what is important in a donor! We are open to an in house donor or purchasing from a bank, I guess we’ll find out at the initial consult what that process is.

So you’re just waiting for your period to start then? Does that mean you already have the meds and everything?

@Applejuju I have actually started already! Cycle began on Friday so am now on day 5 of stimulation drugs, first scan this Friday to see if my ovaries are responding. Fingers crossed!

I know what you mean about donor sperm - lots to think about! I’m sure the clinic will be able to give you a range of options and I expect you will also be offered (or possibly even required to have) a counselling session by your clinic where you and your partner can talk things through. We found this useful just in understanding what criteria we could select on if we wanted. They also talk you through the legal side (what rights child will have to contact donor etc.).

Hiya, we're 21weeks pregnant from a frozen cycle embryo and had an unsuccessful fresh cycle before that. Obviously everyone's journey is different and clinics do things differently everywhere but if there's anything you want to know about the process happy to share our experience - it's pretty daunting at the beginning! Also, wishing you the best of luck 🤞 x

Hi @Charli13, that’s just the news I needed to hear today! Found out yesterday that our first embryo transfer hasn’t worked, so it’ll be on to FET for us next! Luckily we have one in the freezer from our first collection cycle so let’s hope it’s second time lucky!

Congratulations on your pregnancy - that’s brilliant news! Wishing you all the very best with it. Can I ask did you have to wait long between the unsuccessful fresh transfer and FET?

@Brightside1987 so sorry your FET didn't work, I remember how awful it feels. I'd assumed (despite all the stats they give you) as the only fertility issues we were facing were a lack of sperm it'd work first try and after all the waiting and hoping it kind of smacks you in the face! In hindsight the first try was so draining physically and emotionally because it's so new by the time we got to the transfer my body wasn't ready to cope with a pregnancy. From what I've read since it's quite common and if could go back I'd have frozen all the embryos and waited to go for a Frozen cycle to give me chance to recover. They let me go straight into the frozen cycle but it felt like an age as you have to wait for a bleed and then wait for a couple of weeks before starting the drugs again. The drugs are also different for the frozen cycle - more needles! And the cycle takes longer but I actually found the wait gave me time to let my body sort itself out and to grieve the little one that didn't make it. I think it was almost three months before I got to pee on a stick again in the end so I'd buckle up for some more waiting!! We went private so not sure if it'll apply to you but something to be aware of - if you have a controlled rather than a natural cycle (which they will likely push for as it's easier for them to schedule your transfer day) you have to continue meds several weeks into the pregnancy as you don't ovulate and produce the hormones needed in the first few weeks - they didn't tell us that before hand so we got stung with another £350 worth of meds that we didn't have any choice about at that point!
My best advice is to try and relax - don't over think all the healthy eating stuff etc. Do lots of whatever you enjoy and try and just incorporate the meds and appointments etc as a tiny part of your day as it's too easy to become completely focused on the IVF and forget to live the other parts of your life!! The other thing I changed for the second cycle was telling work - the first time I'd been sneaking around trying to juggle appointments and hormonal influxes and got myself stressed out about it all. In the end I told my boss and it was like a weight being lifted as the next time round I didn't have to worry about timing appointments!
Would love to know how you get on with your next attempt so please keep us posted 😃 xx

Hi everyone, first time posting on here. Me and my wife have just completed all test and now are on the donor selection step for IVF. We’ve become really disheartened by the lack of donor sperm available. Our NHS hospital says it’s due to Covid. We are not that picky - white/Caucasian and then trusting our instincts. There are two available options! Just two! (Xytex is the bank) Would anyone have any guidance here as I’m worried about my clock ticking. Thank you in advance

@Charli13 I don't like the sound of more needles but it seems being a pin cushion is all part of the journey! I think that's good advice on the work front - I was similarly 'sneaking around' first time which was stressful so I should probably just bite the bullet and be up front about the next phase! How are you finding your pregnancy? You must have a nice little bump now!

@MollyVanDer welcome! Sorry I haven't replied sooner but have been trying not to dwell on IVF for a week or two before delving back in to FET next month! Sorry to hear about your frustrations with donor sperm - that does sound rubbish! I don't know about your clinic but ours had the option of using the 'in-house' bank or bringing in sperm from 3 other selected banks (inc some international options). So if you're looking for more options it might be worth enquiring about that? Similar to you we weren't picky at all and were luckily really happy with the first match we were offered, but that might have masked similar issues with limited options! Good luck in your search :)

@BrightSide1987 yes, the bump is getting difficult to hide now - even under my baggy clothes 😂 pregnancy brings a whole new range of body fun to contend with.....

Hi everyone. We did our first IVF cycle in Feb/March after 4 unsuccessful IUI attempts. We're having a FET in the next couple of weeks hopefully (waiting for my period to turn up so we can get going - FYI don't be surprised if IVF drugs completely mess up your next couple of cycles and make them much longer than usual! ).

We've been entirely self funded as not eligible for NHS treatment until we've financed 6 attempts ourselves...

We're using the European Sperm Bank, as our clinic offered very little information about in-house donors. We like that we have a range of information we can give any child/children about thier donor. We've actually just had to go back and purchase more, as our dream is for 2 babies eventually with the same donor, and we only purchased 6 vials the first time around, so we've recently 'topped up' whilst the donor is still active.

I agree with some of the previous comments about this being a really expensive journey, and given I have no ferility issues and I'm only 31 I thought this would happen quite quickly, which it hasn't, which has needed a big readjustment.

I also agree about telling work - I needed to after my fresh transfer, as I took the loss really hard and needed some time off work (I just kept crying for days - however I also realise now I was a complete hormonal nutcase after the IVF drugs and just a general mess - I agree with @charli13 I was wrecked after the fresh cycle and kind of wish we did a freeze all to give myself a chance to recover before doing the transfer).

My bit of advise - I've been using the mindful IVF this time around, and its really helping :)