Thinking of expanding our family

[Bryterlayter1]

Hello all,

First time post, I'm a 38 year old Lesbian. I've been with my wife for over a decade. About 8 years ago, we made a decision not to have children, however our lives have changed and I started having a strong desire for a child (my younger sister has 2 children and getting to know them, has changed my perspective). After a couple of months of talking it through, my partner (same age) is also excited expanding the family.

So here are the complications, I'm old (ish). I've never been pregnant (or even had a scare) because I've never dated or slept with men. I have booked an appointment at a local fertility clinic to have a uterus and ovary scan. I've had some issues with reproductive health (my periods aren't regular -sometimes they come after 7 weeks, sometimes 3). And quite a few of the women in my family have PCOS. My partner has exceptionally regular cycles, but is very clear she does not want to be pregnant, but would be happy for her eggs to be used if that is an issue for me.

Second issue is sperm. One of my good friends suggested that we should ask one of our gay male friends to see if they would like to co-parent (as this may be a rare opportunity to become a bio- parent). I can see the advantages of this, the child will know their bio father. I also see the down side that more parents could be a recipe for disagreements. Anyone have any experience of this?

This must all seem like a waffling post! I'm excited by also scared to travel down this road. I'm a natural pessimist, so I constantly worry about the worst case scenario, but I am trying to be positive and hopeful.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

I am going to throw it out there. What about adopting?

There are children out there who will benefit from being in a family with two females and no men. It isn't for everyone, and has its own complications, but also its own benefits. If it is something you would like to explore further pop over to the Adoption board.

[Bryterlayter1]

Hi TeenPlusTwenties

This is something we would have to think carefully about if we had problems with fertility.

Adopting may become a very different commitment, I'm sure you are aware but most children looking to be adopted in the UK have additional needs (particularly around attachment difficulties and managing trauma). I am not ruling it out at all, and it may be something we consider doing, but that would take a lot of thought and consideration (I'm a social worker, wife is a teacher with specialism in working with ASD,). Adopting is a wonderful thing, but that is not what we are considering that the moment.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

That's fine (I'm an adopter ).

It was because you were listing all the complications surrounding having your own birth child that I thought it worth mentioning. Some people self-select out because they think that because they are old/young/single/gay/black/disabled/xxx they won't be accepted.

[Bryterlayter1]

Ah that makes sense. Thanks for you suggestion.