Four boobs, one baby

[LottieRidgeman]

So my wife and I have gone through IVF and she is now expecting our first baby (my egg, her womb).

I am planning on also giving breast feeding a go but I can't find anyone else on the entire of the internet who seems to have done it this way!
The plan is I will do evening/morning/weekend feeds but I have concerns about affecting her milk supply as she will be the "stay at home mummy" while I go back to work

Have any other lesbian mums done this!?

If you only do one feed morning and one feed evening, she'll be alright. Plenty of men give a bottle to give mum a break.

However if you want to do it for 48 hrs at the weekend it may definitely affect her supply as her boobs may think she's stopped. I would stick with the routine 7 days a week.

The main problem I suspect won't be her supply, but yours. Many mothers do only morning and evening but they tend to be ones who have been breastfeeding for months and have gone back to work so they don't actually need to produce much as the child is on solids.

I don't see why you shouldn't try but be prepared to adapt and amend your plans. Baby may display a marked preference for one set of boobs and one of you may get upset. You're going to have to discuss how you deal with it. Babies are not machines who will mindlessly switch from one person to another. They reject methods of feeding all the time. It also may be that one of you finds breastfeeding much easier than the other. Boobs are a bit arbitrary. That may be an emotional situation too.

I didn't do this, but since you seem not to have a lot of replies (!): our NCT breastfeeding session covered this. Might be worth seeing if La Leche League or similar will give advice? I didn't fancy the injections as I was TTC and worried it'd play havoc with that. However, we did mix feed with formula and never found that made any crucial difference to supply. We also knew a lot of straight couples where the dad did bottle feeds for the evening/morning feeds, and I never heard of it being an issue in terms of supply, though a couple of people found their babies developed a preference for mum and wouldn't take dad/the bottle.

I don't imagine you could do all the feeds for a whole weekend, though!

Congratulations on the pregnancy! Just to echo PPs, it’s quite emotional esp when you and baby are first getting to grips with feeding and supply etc may vary between the two of you.

I can only speak from my non-LGBT experience (I hope it’s helpful)
Milk is produced on supply and demand - so you need to keep a routine. I would look in to getting a pump to help mimic demand, especially if the breastfeeding is being done more by one of you. As the baby grows it will need more milk and if you’re doing half the feeding I guess your body will be getting less signals to increase production.

My first DC struggled with feeding and I tried everything to breastfeed, at one point bottle feeding pumped milk for months. If I knew what I do now, I would FF feed and rest a lot more, and worry less about breast is best. DC2 was totally different and no problem feeding.

I hope everything goes well for you all and as you would like - just be open-minded if your DC has other plans!

Can we produce milk even if we have not been pregnant? That is absolutely amazing. Sorry OP I can’t answer your question but I think it’s incredible you could do that! Best of luck

Excuse my ignorance but how do you produce the milk if you’ve not been recently pregnant?

Congrats on your pregnancy, I would of loved two sets of boobs while I was breastfeeding. I’m really surprised you can’t find anything on the internet about this as I’ve read plenty of articles related to this out of pure curiosity. Also I have read many stories of successful adoptive breastfeeding stories, which would follow the same drug cocktail to start lactation. Good luck!

You can get hormone shots to induce lactation. It doesn't always work, mind.

You would both need to be regularly feeding keep the supply up especially during the first few weeks. I don’t think part time feeding as you have suggested would really work. You could both pump when it’s the others turn to feed but it’s not always easy to do.

Fascinating this is a subject I never even thought about! Let us know how it goes.

Make sure you think about night feeds too! Mine was almost glued to me and we co-slept for first 6 months.

My only concern would be given the choice the baby may prefer one to the other.
Not all nipples are the same, let down speed etc.
I can visualize the little one being passed about while fussing “she/he won’t take from my left...does she/he take from your left...she/he popping off spitting it out...”
Instead of bonding I could equally see it dividing.

My only input would be that I have found, as a bf mum, it is hugely helpful to have a supportive partner to make sure you are fed and rested, especially as you bond and establish feeding. If you both have massive, uncomfortable boobs and a constant raging hunger and thirst you may not have energy left to be as kind to yourselves and each other as you could be...

(I suppose mainly as whoever isn’t feeding will be expressing, at least initially)

If you both want to breastfeed then having an appointment with a local IBLC might well be worth the money, as they can help prepare a plan. You might need to request medication to help begin lactating (domperidone) but GP’s are more cautious about prescribing this now.

Some babies refuse one breast completely or struggle to latch initially, so try not to put too much pressure on yourselves. Pumping to establish supply can be extremely demanding and upsetting especially at the beginning.

Contact La Leche and read up on the Kelly’s Mom website.

Congratulations to you both

@moreismore, this is just anecdata, but FWIW by in-laws-in-laws (my brother's sisters-in-law on the other side of the family) ended up having their babies a few weeks apart, and so they naturally ended up both breastfeeding. I heard that they actually found it easier to support each other, because they were both feeling the same! I definitely found that, as the non-BF mum, I was trying really hard to anticipate my DP's needs but, inevitably, I just didn't get it all right as I wasn't in the same place. I wish, for example, I'd understood when she was 14 days post-birth that letting her sleep in wasn't a kindness, as she woke up really sore!

@sarahandquack (great name btw) that’s interesting, I hadn’t thought about it that way. That must be lovely for them having two close together

No direct experience but you might want to ask in the breastfeeding support and Doula networks to see if there is someone who can help. The more support you can get around you for this, the better.

I used motherlove more milk plus when I had supply issues and read about people using this to trigger lactation.

Wishing you all the very best.

My friends did this but both had babies a year apart, so both fed baby 2.

I think the reason you’ve not found much info is because it’s quite hard to establish breastfeeding, and with two of you trying to do it at once with only one baby, and with only one of you having been pregnant, doesn’t sound like it will be successful. To have a good solid milk supply involves feeding a lot at least initially, having lots of skin to skin and not having a set routine which may not lend itself to what you are suggesting. It’s also feels a bit like you’re doing this so you get a go? Rather than motivated what might be in your babies best interests. That’s not a criticism as we all have lovely ideas when expecting that may not pan out in practice.

I would seek some specialist breastfeeding advice now but also be prepared to take a back seat until your wife’s supply is firmly established and baby latches well and easily. Then introduce you feeding. It’s much more likely to work that way.

I think they do find it lovely! Hard work, though - rather them than me! I definitely do see the benefits to not sharing the feeding too.

(And thanks! You can tell what my DD's favourite programme is ...).