Partners of bisexual women

[BobOn]

Hi,

I'm interested to hear about people whose partners are attracted to both sexes, or even identify as Bisexual.

In particular, have you had to work through issues of jealousy and insecurity, that you felt stemmed from your partner being attracted to both sexes.

Did you feel, that this was in some way more acute, than if your partner wasn't attracted to the same sex?

In particular, what did you find helped you?

So is this people in straight relationships you're wanting to speak to?

in short - Straight or gay people, whose partners are attracted to men AND women.

btw, I'm aware I'm simplifying here in the statement "men and women", after all, facebook have 70+ gender options.

Are you a journalist?

nope, not a journalist, I'm dealing with these feelings myself and wanted connection with others

'Did you feel, that this was in some way more acute, than if your partner wasn't attracted to the same sex?'
This sounds like it's quite centred on heterosexuals hence my question

Hi SLPA,
I'm phrasing this carefully, so that it's about me and my feelings, as my partner is a very private person. I respect that. I also need to work through my own feelings, hence the questions.

This isn't really something I can drop in a lunchtime chat to colleagues, or talk with family members!

My partner doesn't/can't empathise, and doesn't see why I'd want to talk about it.

A bit of history:

At the start of our relationship, my partner mentioned a same sex relationship.
I had some emotional baggage, due to past breakup.
I got insecure, I didn't handle it well, I made ALL the classic knee-jerk reactions.

We've been through a lot since, and are a strong couple, but my partner now mis-reads any attempt to talk about this, as if I'm the same person I was 10 years ago.

I'm still insecure, due to the whole "only someone of the same sex knows how to please their partner the best" argument, and tbh, it kind of makes sense!

Having said that (see above), I've seen many comments from gay partners, feeling insecure about being left for "the safety of hetero-normative relationships".

None of this seems to be about our partners, just about our fears of being "not enough".

Hi BobOn - are you still there?

I'm a longtime (9 years) lurker, but namechanged for this just in case anything from my handful of posts on MN in the past could identify me.

My DH (I'm a woman) came out to me as bisexual two weeks ago and I have been scouring Mumsnet for helpful threads. I nearly started my own, and then stumbled across this.

In our case, the revelation was initially something of a relief, because I have always suspected DH is bi. My fear was that he might actually be gay, which would mean the end of our marriage and my life as I know it.

I was so glad that he was finally being honest with me that, initially, it felt amazing to have this out in the open between us, although I was sad that he hadn't been able to talk to me about it before.

We have been talking a lot more than we ever have before and he has reassured me many times in the past couple of weeks that he is committed to our monogamous relationship. Yet, despite the fact that I believe him and trust him on a rational, thinking level, I have been surprised at the strength of my subconscious reaction and how insecure and vulnerable I am now feeling. He has never had any kind of emotional or sexual relationship with another man, and I am terrified that this is something he might need. He says he doesn't. He says he only wants me. But I can't stop thinking that I am only half or part of what he needs.

So perhaps my feelings are similar to yours. And I, too, am interested in hearing how other people have navigated this in their relationships.

I found this really helpful: goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-bisexual-men-committed-relationship-jvinc/

My problem seems to be a disconnect between what my brain can understand and believe and how I actually feel emotionally. I think that for DH and me the answer is time and talking. But, like you, I don't have anyone in real life I am ready to discuss this with. DH hasn't told anyone else, so I feel that it would be weird for me to talk about with a friend before he has.

Anyway, that got a bit long, but if anyone out there is willing to chat about this then I would be grateful.

Im a lesbian in a long term relationship with a bi woman. I've never felt threatened because I trust her. That's it really.