My 13 year old Daughter thinks she Trans.

[Tryingmybestformy3]

Hi, forgive me this is my first post and it's pretty deep.
Around 6 months a go my daughter told me she was either bi sexual or Gay, she knows I have no problems with that and I don't care who she is with as long as they treat her correctly. Scroll on 6 months and she told me last week she has body dismorphia and hates her hair and breasts, she's been reading online and identifies with a lot of the things trans ppl say they feel (she couldn't explain this any better than not being comfortable with her body and the way she looks (hair, breasts). She asked if she could get her hair cut short (it's past her bum) and buy a binder.
Here's where things get tricky, I'm very liberal and always thought I'd deal with this well but the fact is I'm not doing great. I explained that I would love her unconditionally make or female or trans, that I would support her in any way I can, I agreed to look into binders (decided she's a little young for that yet and I worry about the implications should she decide she isn't trans one day) I agreed to the hair cut and that's booked in and she could wear sports bras as they are less invasive imo. I contacted a charity and found out the protocol etc. I said all the right things but the truth is I'm hoping this will all go away and I hate myself for that !
The reasons I doubt this slightly are as follows.
Whilst she's never been into girls toys etc, she also never bothered with toys in general she would read or go on computer when she was older.
She has always had long long hair and would cry if I mentioned even getting a trim
She went to prom at 11 and chose a pinkish dress with a tiara, had her hair and make up done etc (although she's never worn make up other than that) and seemed blissfully happy on the day
She has strong views on woman's rights and goes mad if anyone suggests we are not equal (that could be down to me though as I'm a feminist).
She has a group of well meaning close friends (3 all together) that are like mini activists and they have been "helping" her through this ( while I appreciate they are there for her having met them I can't help but think she has mentioned something and they have run with it to the extremes).
She only developed breasts very recently, she went from nothing to a 34 D almost overnight so it must still feel very alien to her.
She only started her periods in August and they haven't regulated properly yet, she also isn't overly bother about getting them (in fact she begs for it to come on swimming or days, so she doesn't have to do it).
She also doesn't seem depressed, in fact quite the opposite.
I have s disabled child that needs and gets a lot of my attention and she started to complains we favour them 10 months or so a go (we don't, they just need us more than she does physically)
I try to make time for them we go out we buy things, we treat her etc but that aspect doesn't improve.
I'm wondering if her friends, our situation, her hormones and her sexuality coupled with trying to find her own identity are confusing the hell out of her?
To other trans mothers/fathers did you also feel like this or am I just a terrible terrible person?

Sorry she defo thinks she's trans

It’s a hard situation to be in- I can assure you I would feel just as conflicted as you if one of my DC felt they were trans.

But you are doing the right thing keeping channels of communication open whilst not supporting changes that could be permanently damaging.

I’d do a lot of talking around perceptions of gender, and how it’s OK to reject aspects of social pressures to confirm to “femininity” whilst not necessarily meaning you need to transition to a different gender entirely. And sympathising about how changes to your body can be confusing and sometimes unwelcome.

Just keep talking, and loving your DC.

It sounds like you have been incredibly supportive which is great! That is the right thing to do even if it turns out that she is not trans and this is just a reaction to puberty. I found puberty very stressful myself so can relate to that, it sometimes takes some girl a while to accept the changes their body is going through.
It may of course be that she is actually trans but I dont think you can tell for sure yet. Just keep reassuring her that you are there for her no matter what. Support her in wearing and appearing however she wants but try and gently talk her into waiting before going any further with this. Of course if she gets very distressed by the talk of waiting it might eventually be better to see your GP together to talk actual options.... but for the time being from what youve said it seems like she doesnt want to rush things anyway.
Id just try and remain calm and keep being supportive and see how things pan out.

There's some very helpful information here:
www.transgendertrend.com/resources-for-parents/

It seems that rapid onset gender dysphoria is a new trend. I'd advise a lot of caution. I don't think that hormones and surgery are the answer. There is an extremely powerful trans lobby (think Mermaids) who insist that you must now accept, without question, that your daughter is a boy. I don't agree and don't think this is helpful in the long term. I think the issue needs to be handled sensitively, but sensibly too. Have a look at the feminism boards to see what's going on and how young adolescents are being used by a very vocal trans lobby.

Definitely keep talking. Being trans is very 'in' within her age group and rapid onset gender dysphoria is something you should read up on. I would try to go with half way stages - sports bra not binder, pixie cut for hair, not a male buzz cut. Leave her a pathway to go back down away from trans without feeling like an idiot for having to reverse suddenly.

I would also try to do a lot of talking about stereotypes- that really gender is simply a stereotype built up over decades, centuries, but that doesn't make it true. So you can be female, be a girl, be a woman, and have no interest in stereotypically feminine things. It doesn't mean you should be a boy, just that you aren't limited by a narrow stereotype of what it is to be female.

Also I would try to be talking about the homophobia behind the trans ideology- the idea that it's better to be a transmale than a lesbian. Assure her that being attracted to the same sex is fine- and that she'll have an easier time of it finding partners as a lesbian than as a transmale!

Massive hand hold for you. I dread something like this happening with my dd, she is only 3 so I am hoping the trans fad will have blown over before she's thinking about such things herself.

Yes she's going for a frankie from the Saturdays cut to conform with school and intends to pile the longer section on top of her head and curl or quiff it at the weekends. I'll look at rapid onset now. She absolutely knows that being a lesbian is fine (I'd tear anyone down that tried to tell her otherwise lol). I'm bi myself (although with a man), but I do think this is a need to fit in thing, almost like she's mentioned she hates her breasts to her friends and them being well meaning activist types have shown some interest/attention so she's lapped it up and now she's convinced she must be trans because their attention feels good!

Hi my son said he was trans 6 months ago when he was 16. It has been v hard ever since. I really recommend doing lots of research about this and joining gendercriticalresources.com. I have found this forum really helpful. Good luck Nicki

I don't know who can offer really unbiased advice but there are a lot of people who believe that organisations like Transgender Trend are not objective. I would definitely look into the organisation behind any information you decide to base your strategy on.

hello im 25 years old and I am transgender female to male.

I always knew I was different I hated the clothes my mum put me in tried my upmost best to wear what ever she put me in so don't let that make you think this is a phase not saying it is or isn't but to continue I never liked my hair long either and always wanted to be one of the boys when I was around 9 I grew feelings towards girls like crushes ive only been out as transgender a year and a half mind you ive had appointments with the gender identity clinic and well on my way to becoming who I should be but I must stress to you that you are soooo correct do not let your child bind its not good right now your child is deffo too young I started binding when I was 18 years old throughout my life I feel I was trying to understand all my feelings and how I felt with how my parents treated me I have a younger brother of 23 he is autistic as am I with moderate learning disability and if I was your childs age now all I would want is to be taken to the doctors asap!!!! I wish I had spoken up years ago istead of leaving it so log I had many reasons as to why one in being that I wanted to 100% sure that this is true to myself but please take your child to the doctors and have a good chat if he feels that he/she need to see the GIC (GENDER IDENTITY CLINIC) then so be it.

My biggest fear when coming out was loosing family I would have been soo lost if I lost my mum and dad because if I had to choose people as many have and would too I would choose to transition with or with out my family and end up disowning them all it takes is to listen to the child teen young adult let them lead you you can not make the decision for any person no matter what age because parents im afraid always end up pushing children away.

I have still said to my mum I will always be her daughter no matter what changes I make to my body and no matter what anyone says. I will still always help her clean her house go shopping with her because I am still me my mind is still the mind she knew when she gave birth I just look a bit different ha but I say this all parents this is such a hard thing for us to tell you mummies and daddies you think how hard it is to hear it a deal with it we are going through it dealing with gender dysphoria paranoia and being damn terrified of how people look at us talk to us feel about us what the changes to our bodies will feel like and do to us its tough but I promise you all follow your kiddies and teens and you will learn and grow with them I wish you soo much love and luck and if you want to talk to you me please feel free too Im new on here lol and saw this and had to help so if you can message on here go for it