Advice on teachers' reactions to gay parents please...

[Whoooosh]

We are starting to look at pre-schools and schoold for dd and obviously want to go together to meet teachers etc.
Just wondered if anyone has any positive/negative or hopefully neutral experiences with teachers with regard to same sex parents?

I guess I am most concerned about dd being bullied and want to know how the school would handle it.

Yes thank you Greenblock-very reassuring.

Hi Whooosh
Please don't worry. Won't be an issue for teachers (speaking as one). I'd be really surprised if it were an issue for anyone else tbh. People might be a little curious to begin with, but hey, people (especially kids) will just get used to it and honestly won't even think about it.
Good luck!

At my dd's previous school (private pre-prep, religious leanings with a minister as Principal) there were all sorts of families and all kinds of children, including a little girl with 2 mummies. I don't think anyone batted an eyelid, the only comments were curious parents trying to figure who was the 'natural' mummy and who the little girl looked like (but it was similar TBH with every family, so nothing sinister). 2 of the teachers were gay also. If parents had any problems with this it wasn't playground knowledge. I think people are becoming more and more open minded these days and to come from a stable home with 2 loving parents, regardless of sex is a bonus today as so many kids don't have that. For the teachers also, I'm sure they don't want their private lives to be the subject of speculation so they wouldn't do the same to the kids and their situation. TBH the only child anyone had a problem with was a little girl who had special needs - some parents were concerned she would hold their little darlings back, can you believe it??? Ignorant b$£^*%ds .

Hi, the Terence Higgins Trust have produced a homophobia log sheet for schools to use the same way they have to log racist comments. I am teacher and of course would have no issues but I do know that there are teachers who would. All schools should have equal opportunities policy, anti bullying etc. Sadly homophobia often gets negleted but schools are moving forward slowly.
Lots of teachers are unsure of how to deal with homophobia so it often doesnt get challenged as racism does.
I agree about avoiding church schools.

You are all helping me feel a little less worried about this now....I find it hard because we have only just come out to our closest freinds very recently (after 13 yrs doh)and just want to do the right thing for dd.

If only there was a national gay parents organisation - it could have a register of 'friendly' schools or something.

Good luck, Whooosh. Let us know how you get on - and pass on any tips because I'll be only a few months behind you!

I disagree with you on that one hester. All schools have to have an equal opps policy which should include homophobia etc. It is a right and not a case os seeking out the 'friendly' ones. Should we have a list for friendly schools for mixed race or black children, friendly school list for disabled children, girls?

I know that sadly in practice though you are probably right.

I shouldn't have said 'register' as it sounds too official - what I meant of course was a way of parents exchanging tips with each other about which schools in any area are particularly adept at handling homophobic bullying. Just as, I am sure, parents of black or disabled children do. Yes, all schools should be equal opportunities environments. But the fact is that homophobic bullying is flourishing - just as teachers are getting more understanding, it seems that children are getting less so - and many, many schools are not tackling this adequately.

Most lesbian parents are fairly geographically isolated, and will not have the benefit of other lesbian parents in the same area with children of a similar age. So we will probably have no idea what we are sending our children in to, or any around to advise us how to handle it if things don't go well.

And choosing schools is often complicated by the fact that, while church schools are probably less committed to tackling homophobia, they often (in London, at any rate) are the desirable schools with higher behaviour standards.

But maybe I should get past breastfeeding before I let myself become too stressed about this

I am not so sure about teachers being so great at dealing with it. I recently went to a Terence Higgins thing for teachers and they were all there because they wanted to deal with it but didnt know how to and their school didnt have clear guidelines and/or they didnt see other teachers dealing with it either.
There has to be a consistent approach from all or at least most teachers to deal with homophobia. Teachers dont get any training on this.
It's pretty clear how you deal with racism, sexism etc but homophobia has sadly been left behind.
It needs to come from Senior Management, there needs to be clear policies and consistency across all staff.

Kids use the word 'gay', 'batty boy' as an insult to each other or even a table they bang into. Usually this is dealt with as just an insult but the actual issue isnt of using the word isnt challenged enough.

Not sure what I'm trying to say anymore .

If a child who is gay/bi or has gay parents hears insults like this go unchallenged on a regular basis then it appears acceptable to allow homophobia in a school environment.
Schools also need to consider things like resources etc which should show a broad spectrum of people - eg races, phyical impairments - it's very hard to find resources which show gay people as a unit. Tacade do some though which are good.

Interesting post, hercules. What is Tacade?

I usually ask some practical questions so I know what to call both mums (or dads)etc. but then I would do that with grandparents too.

I am a music teacher - so I don't have mother's day issues, but like other posters have said lone parents and adopted children would have these too.

I have a son with allergies and when looking for a kindy I wanted somewhere were they liked and respected him as a person rather than just seeing his allergies. I guess you will want the same -seeing your dd for her own personality rather than her being the daughter of gay parents.

From what I've seen in primary there hasn't been any bullying.

Speaking as someone who is the epitomy of a 'very strong 2 heterosexual parent family model' (even to the point that I was full time sahm for 12 years) I'd just like to say that I would be the first to pounce on anyone ignorant enough to behave or comment adversely because of your sexuality.
I think the problem is that the vocal/ignorant minority give a bad impression of the vast majority of people who might be slightly intrigued by your lifestyle but would never treat your dd any differently because of it.

Racism is alive and well too sadly Whooosh, to comment on an earlier point you made. Such small minds.

But friends of mine from different races have said that things are improving - outside cities anyhow.

Isn't it ironic though.. really and truly there is only one race.. the human race! Sigh.

Sorry.. useless musing!

I want to offer you support in this, and say that my C of E school would (I think) be very supportive, but the blardy cliquey parent thing would probably be harder. But I found that in other schools my elder son went to too. And it could be same sex parenting or whether you were born in the village

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands - maybe people are more uptight about different cultures than they are about the colour of skin/features etc?
I'm thinking for example of Muslim women or Sikh men covering heads - that seems to provoke a greater reaction than a black person wearing 'western' clothes.

• having said that - I have a Nigerian friend who will dress up in traditional African dress for the school fete and sell Nigerian food and she always seems to get a very positive reaction.

When I was growing up a black face was an unusual sight where I live, but my own children wouldn't take any more notice of the colour of someone's skin than whether they were tall, short, wore glasses or had ginger hair. Personally I think we should celebrate our differences, not try to hide them - but maybe I only say that because I'm white and love the opportunity to try out my Nigerian and Indian friends' cooking!

Sorry haven't read whole thread but may I say how sorry I am you had such a horrid vicar, Whoooosh. I teach Sunday school and a gay couple come with their 2 lovely little boys. So try another church, if you are still interested.

Jullibeans-any words of wisdom yet?

Going to see the headmaster of a private school next Friday,not that we could necessarily afford it but just want to look at all options.

The registrar addressed me as "Mrs".Whooosh and really has no idea about dp so very unsure as to the reaction we will get.

Also none too sure about the questions I should ask other than their anti-discrimination policy and how they would handle any bullying.....

Whooosh, I run a nursery in a small rural village in Lincolnshire. We have all types of family set-ups but as yet no same sex families. Wouldn't be an issue if we did.We have several gay partnerships in the village & I know from them they find us locals very welcoming which they've not found in other towns/villages so hopefully we've got something right!

What I'm ambling on to say is be open with prospective heads/teachers/supervisors. I would want to know purely to ensure I didn't put my foot in it by not knowing the parents.Same as I like to know if there isn't a father/mother around so we can support that family as needed and ensure the child DOESN'T get discriminated against.Gently correct them on the title issue (Mrs/Ms or whatever your preferred title, its a polite courtesy to get right regardless of sexuality) & inform them of your partnership. Their reaction will tell you what their attitude is I'm sure.

Lots of helpful advice around on MN I've found being a newbie, hope all goes well next Friday, let us know!

As a teacher I would have had no problems with this and agree with most of what is written here already.

Good luck with choosing schools!

I completely forgot to update this....we saw the Headmaster who was fantastic but the school secretary nearly fainted when i introduced DP-the teacups were rattling on the tray when she came in
Maybe the Head had a chance to pop a couple of valium after her warning-not sure....

I missed this the first time round, but just wanted to add my voice to the others. Dd has a girl in her class with "two mummies" as they all put it. I've not heard a single negative word from any of the other parents (not that they'd have got very far with me if they'd started any negativity!), and their dd has had no problems at all as far as I know. They're 9 and 10 now, so it's all looking good

Not the same thing at all, but dd3 has a friend who lives in a 'menage a trois', with her mummy, daddy and mummy's boyfriend. My dd came home from a Sunday there and said " Chloe's mummy is so lucky - she has one husband who does the garden and the other one made dinner and washed up afterwards and we all sat by the pool and watched them! When I grow up I am definately going to marry two daddies at the same time, one to do the garden and one to cook!'

I love kids. They are the most accepting of all of us.

ggg, when dd went to her friend's party she came back deeply impressed because "it's so much easier to do a good party when you have two mummies!" I bet she's right actually, if you'll forgive the gender stereotyping...