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This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

LGBT parents

Known donor/dad in kid's life?

5 replies

southlondonbaby · 15/03/2015 19:13

Hi, DP and I are expecting our first in sept. Very excited and happy. Just curious if any gay mums on here used a known donor and that guy remained in your/child's life.

We know our donor, plan on kid and our community knowing who he is, calling him dad, fairly regular contact, we have total financial/decision making responsibility. We get on well with donor and jus partner, I'm just really keen to hear from anyone who's had experience if a similar set up.

OP posts:
endlesslove82 · 17/03/2015 13:05

Hi southlondonbaby, we have a known donor, not called Dad, but known to everyone etc. Our son is only two, but so far so good! He lives a couple of hours away so we only see him once a month or so, but he is great with toddler activities etc. I think the known donor route can be really great, but we are only early days I guess!

southlondonbaby · 17/03/2015 21:01

Thanks for sharing endless. Good to hear a positive experience.

OP posts:
Lucie84 · 20/03/2015 09:11

Hi we used a known donor 5 years ago!
It's been great we have a good relationship with the donor still he pops round whenever he wants to an our friendship hasn't really changed! We openly talk about things, family traits, childhood activities ect and it's never uncomfortable! Be open an relaxed and honest about what the donor and yourself would and wouldn't like!
I can't see there being a problem if you all know where you stand :)
We did have an agreement with the donor that If he felt different once the baby arrived that it would not be a problem an we were open and had respect for him and still do! But he feels no maternal connection which is great for us.
Good luck xx

southlondonbaby · 23/03/2015 17:45

Thanks for sharing lucie. I've been told some worst case scenarios by people so great to hear good stories.

Can I ask if you created a written agreement or anything formal with your donor?

OP posts:
Devora · 31/03/2015 01:44

Hi, we have a known donor. He's more than that; he pays generous child support for our dd (age 9), sees her every week, is fully her dad. It's worked pretty well, though it's not always easy. He's a good dad.

We do have a written agreement, drawn up with a solicitor. We all stick scrupulously to the deal.

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