20yr Old Gay Son... Aspergers... ADHD ... Waiting List For SEX CHANGE ...Discovered PRESCRIPTION ONLY HORMONES in his bedroom..... I'm Still his MUM!!!

[MrsForgetful]

Title says it all...

Everyday i go in his room and bring down dirty plates etc.
So not case of snooping ... and what i saw was NOT hidden .

2yrs ago he 'came out' as gay... last year announced on 'waiting list' for 'sex change' etc....

These tablets are NOT prescribed ... but ARE prescription only drugs.
ESTROFEM (hormones for feminisation from male to female)
Spironolactone for fluid retention (also worrys me in another way as hes lost weight and i often find uneaten food in room HIDDEN ... so i have concerns of eating disorder.

At 18 he was 'passed on ' from 'paediatrics' to 'Adult services ' for his ADHD/ Aspergers ... and at 20... he is still yet to see anyone fron 'adult services'

I am in West Wilts and would appreciate the guidance that i know mumsnetters will provide

thanks

p.s posting this in loads of relavent places incase someone can help

No advice sorry. You sound like a loving mum and I understand your concerns re the prescrption pills. Does your DS have a psychiatrist, or similar you could talk to? Sorry if that's a niaive suggestion. I hope someone comes along who can be really helpful.

Anecdotally I understand it's not unheard of for trans people to source prescription hormones online (although I don't think it's a good idea, I hasten to add). I would be concerned about the fluid retention pills as well, and would also be inclined to suspect eating disorder.

Have you talked it through with him? Could the GP prescribe the hormones safely if he's taking them anyway so that he does it more safely?

There are a variety of support groups for LGBT young people in Swindon/Wilts and for parents of LGBT people -some suggestions here. Although I do know from trans friends that LGBT is not always or necessarily good at the 'T' part (actually, it's an odd conflation of sexuality and gender identity - they're not the same, there's no reason to lump them together but people seem to. In practice it means the T gets ignored at best - at worst, some LGB people can be hostile to T).

Finally - you say your 'son' is awaiting a sex change. I'm following your lead in using him/your son. But it feels quite odd to ignore someone's self-identification as female. Has (s)he asked you to use female pronouns and your daughter rather than your son? If so, it might help to open a dialogue if you start doing that? (S)he might feel more able to talk freely if you show you're respecting his/her identity?

thanks to both of you

and Ecuse... your comments have helped as i do need respect the 'self identification' of gender as valid. this has felt impossibly hard after being mum to my 'son' for 20ys... to start thinking and referring to him as 'My Daughter' ... and NO ... unlike what u see on TV documentries... I had no idea as a child that he felt 'born in the wrong body' ... he supressed it well. BUT i have to be honest ... after today ... i feel respecting his wishes is not such a big step as i felt before.

I have spoken to him ... I have cried openly in front of him today expressing how scared i am that he will harm himself.

He was given the tablets by a friend who was prescribed them .

He has thrown them away .

But obviously that doesnt mean he wont get more... and just cos his friend has said that they were prescribed... does not mean that they were... they could have been bought online.

Me ... as he is 20 ... i do not have any rights ... but i have told him what i will do is write to MY doctor who is in same practice as HIS and explain what i see happening.

The doctor i know will not discuss anything with me ... but maybe my input will show the GP how desparate my son is to be taken seriously .

And like i said i need to begin with showing my support by calling him 'SHE'

You sound like a great mum, and I'm sure it must be a massive shock to you. I haven't been in the position (yet, anyway, as my LO is only two).

But from the other end of the age spectrum... I have a good friend who battled with feeling 'wrong' all her life, and finally transitioned at 50. Her family have completely cut her off, to the point where she wasn't told when her Dad had died, and she's struggled terribly with it. If you're already in a position where you're coming to terms with it so quickly after finding out then you're doing a lot better than those people did! For what it's worth, despite losing all of her family, my friend still thinks it's the best thing she's ever done, except that she wishes she'd done it 30 years earlier.

If your daughter wanted perhaps you could go with her to the GP to try to help her be taken more seriously? It's a long process - takes a few years of taking hormones before you get anywhere close to surgery (and some choose never to have surgery but still live in their self-identified gender) so if you're worried that it's 'just a phase' then it will be a while before anything 'irreversible' happens, to give you all time to get used to it, and for your daughter to be sure it's what she really wants.

But, anyway, I'm sure just knowing she has you on her side will really help. Good luck with it!

I know they are still not prescribed for your daughter but spironolactone has the side effect of causing breast growth at high doses so it is possible that is why she is taking them rather than for weight loss. It's really good that you are both talking and you sound like a very loving mum who is trying hard. Change is always difficult.