How to tell children we're gay?

[Stephb88]

I've been in a same sex relationship for some time now and between us we have 3 children, aged 13, 5 and 3. We've all spent a considerable amount of time together and get along well as a unit. We will be wanting to make plans as a family unit but need to make the children aware - in particular the older child.

However, we have no idea how to go about this. The subject of gay / lesbian couples has been discussed with her (briefly) and her views were not so good - mainly being worried about what people would think and her friends at school knowing.

We have tried searching for information on how best to approach having the discussion with her, what behaviours to expect after the discussion and how to handle it. There doesn't seem to be a lot of info available on the internet.

Any ideas / advice would be appreciated.

Hmm, 13 is a tough age all round!

Without knowing her personally its hard to say what's best for her.

I'm guessing you don't live somewhere astonishingly diverse if you have reason to fear she may already have slightly bigoted opinions.

In most situations I would say the best thing you can do is tough it out.
Unfortunately for her because of her age there is a chance she will get some stick at school but then there always is now matter how conformist your family try and be.

At 13 I would say you need to be making her feel included in telling the younger ones (who most likely won't bat an eyelid )
Tell her you wanted her to know that mum has a new partner first and that her blessing is very important to you (although if she is a dick about it make it clear it won't stop you!)
I would say treat the same way you would if you were introducing any new partner and don't make it about coming out (although she might)

Deal with coming out to the wider world separately and on a day by day basis.

Try to remember that if she seems grossed out by seeing you kiss or uncomfortable walking down the street with you holding hands that it is not necessarily about the fact you are both women but about the fact that one if you is her mum and she would probably feel the same if a new bf was being introduced.

Respect her privacy if she chooses not to tell people at school and don't force it on her by insisting you both go to parents evenings (again I would way the same to any blending family)

Congratulations on finding your new partner. I hope to be in your position soon and I hope it all goes well.
Do let me know I love a happy ending

<a class="break-all" href="http://lesbiangayparents.ning.com/m/signin?target=lesbiangayparents.ning.com/m" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">lesbiangayparents.ning.com/m/signin?target=lesbiangayparents.ning.com/m