Really starting to wonder if i'm bisexual

[oreoaddict]

Hi everyone.

This is a difficult thing for me to try and explain.

Firstly, i'm in a straight long term relationship and we have a young dd. I have always experimented with girls when I was in my teens, but never really thought of myself as gay or even bisexual. I suppose because i've been in a relationship(committed) with a man for so long, I never really thought anything of it when I daydreamed about other women. I never thought anything would come of it so it was just a fantasy and a fantasy that I wasn't expecting to become a possible reality.

This is a tricky one because I recently told my dp that I still found certain women sexually attractive and he came out and basically said that if I did kiss or even sleep with another woman, he wouldn't see it as cheating. I don't really know what to do with this. I find the idea of being with an attractive woman sometimes more of a turn on than being with a man which I find attractive. I don't think I could see myself in a relationship with another woman though, but i'm not really sure why.

Up until this point, I was comfortable to say I was straight, but would always be attracted occasionally to other women, but only sexually not for a long term relationship.

Does that make any sense to anyone?

I'm so confused. The last couple of days i've really started to question my sexuality.

Any advice/experiences much appreciated

Thanks for reading.

Firstly I think you need to remember that 'labels' aren't that important. Actions and feelings are. If you like men, you like men. If you like women, you like women. And if you like both, you like both. That's what matters - not what title society puts on that. I know that it can make it easier to accept if you have a label for yourself, but unless you're planning on having a relationship with another woman, I don't see it as being very relevant to anyone you might tell.

I actually felt for quite a while that I was only attracted to women physically, soi never considered myself anything other than straight. Nor did I bother 'coming out' as my sexual preferences are no me else business. However, then I met a women I was incredibly romantically attracted to and it changed my perspective entirely. I look more n it as I fell for her as a person, rather than a woman. Though I did come out at that point as I wanted to be able to tell people about ur relationship - in a way I wouldn't have bothered if it was just abut sex.

Secondly, I believe that sexuality is pretty fluid, so to speak. It can (and often does) change. Lots of women become more attracted to other women as they get older.

Finally, I can't help but think your DPs comment is a little homophobic. As though he couldn't possibly see a lesbian relationship the same way as a heterosexual one, and as such its no threat to him. I realize this doesn't help you very much, but. Thought I'd point it out.

HTH.

Gribbet, I understand what you're saying about my dp's comment sounding homophobic. He isn't, but yes, I suppose it is quite an offensive thing to say. I think the reason he wouldn't be threatening by it, is because he doesn't see me as anything other than straight, so he knows that it wouldn't be anything other than sex. Does that make any sense?...

I'm a little bit confused what you meant when you said that you were only ever attracted to women, so thought of yourself as straight, until you fell in love with another woman. It could have just been a typing error.

When you fell in love with this woman, were you instantly physically attracted to her? Or was it something that developed over time?

I know what you're saying about labels not being necessary. I guess it's just the society that we live in that puts pressure on us to do so. I do wonder sometimes if i'm so confused because my first sexual experience was actually with another girl? Where as most girls(I think) will practice kissing with their friends when they're young, we just took it to the next level. It's really stuck with me though and I find it difficult to define my reasons for doing that. Was I experimenting with my sexuality? Or was I experimenting with sex full stop?

Oh, I didn't make that point very clear. I mean I was attracted to ment both physically and romantically, but women only physically. I was attracted to her definitely, but I wouldn't say I wanted to sleep with her as quickly as I would a male partner, though it soon caught up!

I guess the main question you need to ask yourself is whether you're satisfied with your life as it is, and your relationship. Would you even consider sleeping with someone who wasn't your DP?

I'm human. I will always fantasise about other people and whereas I do have thoughts about what it would be like to have sex with certain men, it stays there, as a thought and nothing more. I know I wouldn't cross that line. When your dp tells you that they're quite happy for you to go ahead and act out a fantasy which you've been surpressing for so long, it's difficult to know what to do. Morally, I don't think it's right because effectively, it's still cheating, but if my dp doesn't see it that way, should I really let that influence my decision? Or should I just stick to my original principles?

Look up nonmonogamy/ polyamoury and take things slowly and TALK a LOT with your DH about what he is and isn't comfortable with. Would it be cheating to be in a threesome with your dp and a female friend, for instance? a common male fantasy Did he say that it would be ok just once, or have you discussed this more than that? am a bit because mine is definately not ok with me doing anything with anyone else, male or female. And he doesn't go for threesomes