Donor Agreements

[stayloose]

My partner and I are planning on starting a family using a known sperm donor privately (no clinics) and artificially. We are in a civil partnership and aware that under current legislation we would both be recognised as legal parents but are interested in having something in place for the peace of mind of all parties about the nature of the conception to protect us all in the event of any dispute in the future.

We seek advice from anyone who has put a similar agreement/statement of intent etc in place - How did you go about it? Did you get something written/witnessed by a solicitor? Did you draw up something yourselves and get everyone sign it? As we have read not even an agreement drawn up by a solicitor may not even stand in the event of a dispute we were wondering if the DIY route would be just as effective. Thanks all.

Get some legal advice. We did, and drew up an agreement. It is not legally binding, but in the event of future disagreements that reach court it may be useful as a summary on intent.

Also, talk talk talk to your donor, especially if you plan to co parent in any way. The little things, the big things, all important. We didn't talk in enough detail because we didn't want to scare him off. We now, for a myriad of reasons, wish we had talked much more.

Good luck!

Thanks MamaChocoholic! We intend to do lots of talking! We can be very frank with each other which is a huge help and all seem to be on the same page so far, looking positive :)

I'd second the talking advice - these relationships do and must evolve as your children grow, but I do think some firm parameters are important - not least in building trust between all parties. The key thing is to ensure that those parameters are a true reflection of everyone's feelings. And expect things to change once there's a child/ren involved. FWIW we did have a donor agreement, which isn't legally binding, but here (in Ireland) one has been cited in a big case as a statement of intent, so it is useful. What we ended up with is that we take full parental responsibility (my role not legal recognised here), but he is acknowledged fully as their father, and sees them about 6 times a year - one of those visits we make to him. Against my better judgement he decided to involve his parents, which is a pain in our arse while the children are small (10 weeks and 3 years) because we have to be with the children when they see gps...as time goes on it will be better and DP and I will get the odd weekend away on our own.

We've had very little difficulty as we are all very honest and open and try to address issues quickly when they arise. I won't lie - it's hard work, but I do think it's worth it for the girls.

Good luck

I would double-check that your partner can be recognised on the birth certificate if you are being inseminated outside an HFEA recognised clinic. I had fertility treatment at my local NHS hospital and obtained my sperm from an HFEA recognised clinic abroad which meant the donor has rescinded all parental rights so both myself and my partner are on the birth certificate (we are not CP'd by the way). A child can only have two parents in law. I am sure there are people out there better informed than I am but thought I would mention this. Good luck!

hi stayloose, I take it your donor wont be anonymous? There was an article in the telegraph last week about a known donor case going to court, so things are changing all the time! I set up a donor agreement and ran through it with a solicitor, I also contacted Natalie Gamble (via Pride Angel) she is an expert in this sort of thing and answers questions via a forum or in person, may be wirth you checking the article out as she also included it on a recent forum post how to avoid a dispute with a know donor, (blogs.prideangel.com/post/2012/02/How-to-avoid-a-dispute-when-using-a-known-donor.aspx)may even be worth running things past her directly, she is very helpful! Hope this helps you and good luck, hope it all goes to plan!xx