Is my GP being reasonable?

[Pizzafan]

Hi! I'm completely new to this and could do with a bit of advice to get us started. My partner and I have just started to think about having a child and visited our GP as a starting point. We asked if there is any help available to us, and also for some advice about which of us would be most likely/best to conceive and carry as I have had an ovary removed and my partner is slightly older.

I understand that funding varies from area to area, but we didn't find her response to our questions very positive. She simply said that we would have to fund everything ourselves privately, and that she couldn't advise us on anything because we need to pay privately.

What have other people's experiences been? Is there any kind of routine advice or testing that she could have offered us? Any feedback that anyone can give us will be much appreciated! Thanks!

um, yes, she is. Go to a different one. At the very very least, she should offer you baseline fertility testing (LH, FSH, day 21 progesterone), and if you are in the UK her interpretation of the rules is incorrect - others based in the UK will be able to advise you on this far better than I can.

I have to say our GPs were very supportive, in a context where rights for same-sex parents are actually non-existent. DO you know her already? this sounds like a case of (kindly) ignorance and (less kindly) homophobia. Go elsewhere.

In Glasgow you can get 3 IUI & 3 IVI free on NHS for your first child (per couple) as far as I'm aware. Most likely need to pay for donor sperm from Europe though as in short supply in the UK. Not sure if it's the same everywhere.

LouGlasgow free IVF and no of cycles totally depends on area you live. My local PCT is one of 5 (I believe) that has a blanket ban for all situations.

It's a crap response and you probably need a better GP. However, it is true that you have no 'right' to fertility testing or fertility services.

I don't know that you need to fight that battle right now, though. I would suggest you start by reading up on the guidance for prospective gay parents already available - Stonewall produce something, with information on their website.

You could also read some information on fertility. Frankly, you would have to have quite extensive (intrusive) testing to answer your question as to which of you is more fertile - there is not one simple bloodtest you can do to answer that. But there may be something about your situation that gives you a clue. For example, if your dp is 45 and you are 27, that's quite a strong pointer that you are the more fertile one. However, if you are 38 and she is 40, other factors may outweigh the age difference.

Similarly, the ovary. This may or may not be a problem. If the other ovary is working ok, then at worst it may reduce the months in which you ovulate. It is possible that your other ovary is working overtime to compensate for the missing one.

If you've just started thinking about parenthood then I think medical treatment is a long way down the track, unless of course you are decided that you would want reproductive treatment. Is that the case, or are you planning to organise your own insemination?

Thank you for all the responses. Our GP can quite often be rather stern and unhelpful but in this instance we wanted to check whether she was just being blunt, or whether she might have offered a different response if a straight woman had expressed concern about fertility following ovary removal. And not knowing anyone in a similar situation it has been difficult to know where to go for advice. We've got the Stonewall guide which is good but didn't really answer this particular query. I'm 34 and my partner is approaching 40 by the way.

We feel pretty serious about starting a family and, although it may sound a little unemotional, the financial aspect has to be part of our decision so we are trying to check everything out. I'm not sure we would be comfortable with home insemination.

It's really great to find this forum, and its helping us to think things through :)

Do check the policy in your area about IVF funding - it varies wildly, and it doesn't sound as though your GP is motivated to find out for you.

Generally, though, I'd say don't hurtle down the IVF route unless and until you know you mean to.

It is of course an entirely personal decision for you whether you or your dp try to get pregnant. I'll just point out one thing: if your dp tries to get pregnant and it doesn't work out, there's still time for you. If you do it the other way round, just be aware that she is running out of time.

Best of luck. It took me a long time to get my children, but they're without doubt the best thing I ever did.

I would second Hester - it took us a longish time too, and we didn't use the IVF route - this is a matter for you and your DP to decide. If I were in your position I would go with your DP first - but put a time limit on it and be sure that she is OK with moving on (I speak as the older partner who didn't manage to conceive biologically - but I feel very close to my DD). Whilst statistics will give you a particular set of odds, they will not describe your situation - my DP conceived within 3 months at 41 (it took longer for DD1). But sit down with your DP and agree timescales - it's all hard enough, and having a plna to go back to is a good idea.

Good luck to you both!

is it a medical thing really?
Surely outwith remit of GP?
Good luck in your quest. Others here should be able to help

From the straight woman who had an ovary removed when dd1 was 6 months old:
We tried for 6 months to conceive no 2. After 6 months I went to my gp and asked to be tested. I stated that I knew it was technically too early within NHS guidelines but because of my history I thought an exception could be made.
GP was lovely. Had the bloods done. All fine. Pregnant the next month. Had twins who are 3 in a fortnight.

See a different GP.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you get what you want.

I think its worth finding out the facts from your PCT. We had all the tests done from the GP and we just took all the results to our private clinic.

I've made some calls and emails and it appears that the pct that funds my GP surgery will not fund any investigations or treatment. However, the other surgery ON THE SAME ROAD (!!) is funded by a different pct and their policy does! I'm considering re-registering but then it will be quite obvious why have done this which may not endear me to them.

poorbuthappy, snap, I've only got one ovary and also have twins. DD1 was conceived within a month of trying, twins within a couple of months. So lack of ovary not necessarily an issue/hindrance.

Best of luck!