adoption help please?

[bananamam]

Hi everyone. I am the birth mother to our two children. I met my partner when my ds was 6 months old, and we concieved dd just over a year later.

We used the same donor, who is known but wants to be legally unknown. In that we email him regularly, the kids have met him (they are 2 and 4) so they kno him but don't as yet know "who" he is to them, but they will. He only ever stipulated that he wanted email updates, but as it turns out we get on well as friends so we see him for lunch maybe 3 times a year. He has no genuine interest in the children as "his" which is great. We wanted them to know where they came from and he will be around to answer their questions as they grow.

Anyhow, we have literally had our first call with social services over my partner adopting them. They are sending a booklet out for us as we are not using a soliciter(money is tight). They said they would send a social worker out to have a meeting. WHich is fine, but I am useless at lying.

The donor wants nothing to do with the process, I asked him a while ago of he would just be involved enough to sign away his rights and that would be it. He is not named on the birth certificate, and just genuinly wants nothing to do with the process. I can hand on heart say he is not holding back in some form of attempt to be in the childrens life. He just wants to keep out of it all.

What on earth do I say to social services when they ask me about him?? I really cannot lie and say that the kids have different donors that we only met once and have had no contact with since. How do I explain that we had enough contact information to get in touch to concieve DD, but don't have that info now(even though we do).....

I am rambling now, any advice will be greatly recieved.!!!

[ClevelandAnnie]

Don't lie to social services. That will only cause more problems later on. WRT his contact info, I would just tell SS that he has not given you permission to pass on his contact details. It is his right to withold that permission and SS will know this.

I also have a child conceived via DIY insemination. FWIW it is entirely true in our case that we had enough contact information at the time to conceive DD, but don't have that info now. All I can say is he lived in south London at the time of the inseminations and lives in X county now. We have always contacted him via a third person.

[bananamam]

We have an email address that he set up specifically for this. No address, surname etc...thanks for the advice