ok, hope you don't mind me posting this here. i need advice and i know and trust mn, i've looked at gay forums but they seem to be full of young 'uns and frankly they're strangers!
i've namechanged for now, i may be recognisable but at least i won't be searchable and obvious to anyone who might like to have gossip on me.
i'm in my mid thirties and am ashamed to say that i think it has taken me this long to realise that i'm a lesbian. i think part of the muddle that is clearing now is that i mixed up sexuality with orientation so because i wasn't desperate to go out and shag women i thought well i'm obviously not gay really or i would be.
thing is the older i've gotten the more clear it has become that i don't want to be with a man, can't ever envisage parenting or living with one and if i'm really honest and daydream my ideal future it isn't me single forever it is me with a woman, parenting with a woman, living with a woman, sharing my life with a woman and sharing love and affection with a woman.
i've realised i'm not some freak who is just happier single or 'can't do' relationships i just don't want to be with a man.
what brought it into sharper focus was that i decided i really wanted to have another child and knew i couldn't do it with a man and that finding someone to have a child with just wasn't an option, it was donor and AI or nothing. that made me think well why is that not even an option? and i began to put the pieces together.
i did get off with a few women in my younger years but never had a proper relationship with a female partner. then i moved away from uni, away from big cities and mixed groups of friends and then was just never in contact with lesbians anymore. i also wanted to have children and i think that helped me to squish down any doubts and feelings i had too. now i have a child and have found a compatible donor for having another (just monitoring my cycle and making sure i'm sure for now) that reality is removed.
but what on earth do i do now? i'm in my mid thirties and am a single mother. should i just ignore it having managed to ignore for this long? i feel... stupid for one thing that i have probably ignored who i am for decades when maybe my life could have been so much easier and maybe happier but then again if i've ignored it this long maybe it's easier to leave it? 
cowardly shite i know.
but i don't know what to do. i'm not 20 and about to go out to gay clubs on the pull. i might as well be a virgin again if i go down this route to all intents and purposes. how do you meet people and work this stuff out?
i'm sorry. big blab of stupidity. any advice gratefully received.