going to be a mum

[pixie100]

Hi everyone,

I have just found our that we are going to have our 1st child - due in November.

We are a gay couple living in North London.

As most of my friends are either not gay, already have older kids (over 10yrs old) or don't have children at all, if there are there any other gay expenctant couples that would like to share thought/experiences etc... it would be really great to hear from you.

Many thanks,
Claire

Hello pixie. I am not gay, have a DH! But, just wanted to wish you all the very best, and to say congratulations! Woo hoo! Saw you had no posts, and felt :( for you!
xx

I'm not gay either, but congratulations! It will be fabby!

Me either, but I do have a friend who has a gorgeous boy with her partner, congratulations to you both, hope someone with first hand experience comes along.

Me neither but congratulations, we had our dc4 in November and it's a lovely time to have a baby.

Thank you ALl for your kind words x it's really appreciated x

Hi Claire,

Don't live anywhere close to you but am also expecting first child (any day now!). We have multiple friends locally who have just had or are expecting babies but no others are gay.

Hope everything is going well for you and you're not too sick!! That was the worst bit for me, haven't had so much as an ache or complaint since week 17 and am smug at how I can still walk 4 miles in an hour with no bother!! I'm fairly certain this means I'm going to have an unbearable labour!!!

I'll keep an eye on this thread to see if you've any specific questions or things you want to chat about, although I imagine I'll be less interested in MN when baby actually arrives!!

Fiona

4 miles in a hour! I can't do 2 and I'm not even pregnant! Congrats to you too Dogsandcats.

Thanks again to everyone for their posts -

I have one question -

what do all the ttc, Ds1, ds, dc, dd's actually mean?

Sorry if it's really obvious but I'm confused trying to work it all out ! ! ! !

good luck to everyone who is expecting soon - at the moment that part seems sooooo far far away it's un-real.

no sickness yet but weird dreams & mega hungry & tired all the time. I could never walk that fast any how ! ! ! !

trying to cut down of the coffee in-take - all else was pretty healthy anyway.

does anyone know if pilates is any good in early stages of pregnancy?

Thanks

Pixie x

TTC = trying to conceive
DS1 - darling son 1st born
DS = darling son
DC = darling child
DD = darling daughter

Have a look here
www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

Hi Pixie,

I was just looking for other gay women who are expecting a baby and came across your post. We are due in early November, and live in Bedfordshire.

Its all very new to us!
So far wwe have gone from....
WOW this is amazing
to
OMG what are we doing lol

Anyway be good to chat.

Piglet

Pilates is FAB for all stages of pregnancy but you need to make sure your instructor is qualified and knows that you're pregnant. If you can just learn to engage your trans abs properly you'll save yourself a lot of pain later on... hence the ability to walk 4 miles thing. However, I am a physio so if I can't do it I'm not much of an advert for my profession!

Ah - thanks for acronyms clarification. really helps.

I've read up on Pilates & it sounds great. I love the idea of less pain later on...anything that can help.

I'll definitely learn about the trans ab.

This site is fantastic. SO much information. Good thing is that's its actually coming from people who have been there & really know.

Our baby will be bi-lingual & have found huge amounts if info on that on this site too. It's just great.
x

Hi Claire, nice to have you on here.

I am gay, with one birth child aged 5 and a newly adopted baby. My girls are the most wonderful children in the whole world, naturally.

Though i have found parenthood exhausting, worrying, boring, poverty-inducing etc, it is without doubt the most fulfilling experience of my whole life. I have not regretted it for one second. You're going to love it, I promise!

Hi hester,
Congrats on both children.& of course they are the most wonderful ! ! !

Like piglet said - we also pingpong between Yipeeeeee & OMG what have we done... I'm glad I'm not the only one...

It's lovely to have this site to read about thete & to chat & find out stuff.

Are you birth mother? How were things with your partner & child? Was it hard for them to bond or anything?

Thanks

congrats to you! it's so exciting...I am gay and DP and I have one DD who is 2. She's a bit wonderful, really. I had a lot of that OMG what the hell am I doing - it's all the things that hester says, and then some (nothing like going in to your MA class humming Elmo's Song; or trying to do it on no sleep ), but I do actually look forward to getting home and seeing her.

Trying for no. 2 at the mo...(so it can't have been that bad). The first few months we found pretty hard, but others are clearly better at the baby part than we are...

Oh I am not birth mother - I did find it a bit tough at first (breastfed baby too), but probably no more so than a bio dad would. I don't think there's any difference between my bond to DD and my partner's now - DD calls us both 'i-mummy' (my mummy), but will specify which one she wants for particular games/activities etc.

We have had no problems with neighbours, friends etc - all very supportive, even my very conservative 70 something neighbour has come round :o

Yes, I am the birth mother. There WERE issues, early on, with my dp's feelings of vulnerability and lack of confidence in her parental role. I think these are very common with lesbian parents (and I'm very happy to tell you more if you want to pm me!). But I have to say that, five years on, that stuff seems a distant memory. dp and dd absolutely adore each other, and there is no question that dp is fully dd's mother.

It's great to hear others share their experience, I am sure that every new to be parent goes through the OMG moments. Last night I started thinking about the enormity of our decision, had a little wibble I can tell you. Lol
DP and I are determine to give our children the best life ever, lots of experiences and love is in order.
To be honest, I think I worry more about how DP will bond than she does. I know she will be a fab parent and an starting to just trust the process.
We should find out tomorrow the date of our early scan. :o
Px

Neither of us are very 'baby' people - we've just had much more experience with walking age children up to teenagers - so the baby bit it a bit daunting for both of us...

both of our families have been really supportive & are happy for us - which is one huge relief.

It's really great to hear that, even if there are difficulties at the beginning, that these seem to iron out & that there are happy & productive 2 mum families out there. I can't wait to be a part of it.

x

thanks to everyone for sharing your wisdom - it's invaluable x

being a parent is difficult - it impacts majorly on every part of your life. Being gay doesn't mean that you'll be either better or worse at it than anyone else although I do think that the process of having to actively choose to be a parent does make a difference.

Just make sure your DPs have their answers primed - on one (admittedly very rare) occasion, I was in a hotel with DD and DP and other members of the family were sitting a short distance away as I played with her. A woman said 'oh, what a beautiful dd etc etc, is that her mother over there?'. I said, 'yes, but I am also her mother'. That shut her up, poor woman. And my other piece of advice would be to allow people to come and ask you stuff - sometimes they've just not encountered gay parents before and don't quite know how to approach it. You will do a lot of explaining...

hi drivinmisscrazy,
thanks - I guess at least the process of bringing the child into the world was really thought out.

to be honest I think i am terrified of the birthing bit & the tiny baby bit - once over that, I'll either be too exhausted or used to motherhood by then, to worry too much ! ! ! !

so far, when i've told people, everyone has & is being very supportive - there has been no negativity at all - which is great.

It really helps reading & posting on here too.

thanks again everyone. x

pixie100, congrats!!

Every first Sunday of the month 2-4pm a group of gay parents and their kids get together - they are a real friendly bunch so why not pop in and say hello? It happens at Positive East,
159 Mile End Road E1 4AQ

Hi icd,
thanks so much for the invite - we will try to come along soon. sounds great - what a good idea. does it matter that we've not actually had our baby yet?
pixie