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LGBT parents

This board is primarily for those whose children have LGBTQ+ parents to share their personal experiences and advice.

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Original poster

Sperm donor in Australia - how does this work?

19 replies

Wonderingaboutit · 31/01/2011 15:11

Hello
My partner and I are hoping to have a child. We have a known donor in Australia who is coming to visit in the next few months for three weeks. I'm feeling the pressure a bit as I'm 38. I'm trying to find out how all this works but it seems that to find out from a clinic we need to pay over £100 for a consultation. What we're trying to find out is whether it's worth getting sperm frozen and having IUI (is that the process for insemination?), which seems to have very poor success rates and cost a fair amount a go; or whether it would actually be more effective to just either go to Australia or fly him over here and be able to have several go's per ovulation (so to speak!).
This is all very new to us, so any advice would be much appreciated!
Thanks.

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LeninGrad · 01/02/2011 17:13

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Original poster

Wonderingaboutit · 04/02/2011 11:38

Thanks LeninGrad.
We know the donor very well and trust that it will be safe with him (and he'll have all the tests anyway).

It does seem that it will be stressful. I'm tracking my ovulation now so hopefully will have a better idea soon about that.

We're veering towards not using a clinic and just travelling to and from Australia at the moment - had a brief conversation with the London Women's Clinic earlier this week and they weren't particularly helpful but it seems that to even get our donor's sperm frozen will cost a fortune in tests, counselling and consultations for him....added difficulty is his limited time here (3 weeks - and it's supposed to be a holiday!).
Thanks.

OP posts:

drivingmisscrazy · 04/02/2011 20:52

are you sure that you can do this? bearing in mind that it might take you a year (or more) to conceive? I only ask because we did something similar, but our travel was only between Ireland and the UK - so flights relatively cheap, not the end of the world if dates needed to be changed etc. You will need to work out which days will work for you - I'd suggest (ideally) the 3 days leading up to ovulation. But you might not ovulate reliably on the same day of your cycle.

I'd be worried about the practicalities of this - surely flights back and forth from Oz will mount up??

It did work for us, but it was very stressful (which doesn't help) - we're just on Round 2. Amazingly (1) you do forget how hard it is - lots of waiting and guessing and hoping, and (2) it's exactly the same second time around.

If it's any comfort to you, my DD was born when DP was 39.

wrighty2010 · 05/02/2011 16:53

Hi, I just read your post and wanted to wish you good luck! Seems like you have a bit of a job on your hands so to speak! I know it is basic stuff but have you thought of using an ovulation predictor for a couple of months so you can see what your cycle is like? Also you mentioned possible AI, have a look at a webite called Pride Angel, they have loads of advice on the whole process and also sell kits you can use yourself at home aswell as the ovulation predictors. There is also a forum for people going through the same thing as the website is predominatley for sperm/egg donors and people looking for donors. Take a look I think it would be worth your while. www.prideangel.com
Good luck to you both hope it works out first time, PS I was 40 when I had my last baby! xx

drivingmisscrazy · 05/02/2011 18:00

yes, I should have said good luck, too!

Dorchies · 09/02/2011 10:33

Whilst it's not impossible to do what you're planning - I think you're crazy! We found the whole process stressful enough and we were using a clinic within and hour of us. The cost of flights and the time committment will be huge. Fine if it works first time, but that is rare for most people.

IUI can be successful, it worked 5th time for us with dd1 and second attempt with ds1. Each cycle for us was far cheaper than a flight to OZ as we did natural cycles with no drugs.

Sorry to sound a bit negative, but you do have to be realistic. What ever you decide, good luck, and if you want any advice about how it works at clinics etc i'd be happy to offer any advice.

Original poster

Wonderingaboutit · 09/02/2011 13:17

Hi
Thanks everyone for all the advice and support. I take on board what you're all saying about the craziness of travelling to Australia to do this... and thanks for the tip re Pride Angel - I will definitely look them up. I realise that I'm already stressed about it and we haven't even really started...

And thanks, Dorchies, for offering more advice - that would be really helpful. As far as I can make out from various websites, there is the whole sperm freezing process (and six month quarantine) and then each shot at IUI is about £500 (plus £245 for extra gos per cycle). In terms of the actual process - I'm assuming you just kind of pop in when you're ovulating and it's all pretty quick....? Our other reason for travelling to Aus is that I understand that frozen sperm is less effective than fresh, but again I don't have any real knowledge about this. Are you in London? Did you use a particular clinic?
Thanks again...this is really helpful!

OP posts:

antimony · 21/02/2011 20:23

Must say I agree with Dorchies, but then I inseminated with fresh sperm about 12 times with no luck, and it was stressful enough doing it in the same city. What will you do if it doesn't work the first time - and I've only ever heard of a few cases where it did?

dogscatsandbabies · 25/02/2011 08:51

We were in a similar position to drivingmisscrazy in that we live in Northern Ireland and were travelling to London for treatment (we were advised to do so due to the severe shortage of sperm donors locally and therefore massive waiting lists). IUI using a natural cycle worked for us on the 3rd attempt but unfortunatley ended in miscarriage, 4th attempt also successful and baby due in a week (on a trampoline as I write!)

The one additional piece of advice I would give you is that ovulation predictor kits are great, but do bear in mind that your body can have funny ideas about how to be useful... I was as regular as clockwork until I actually needed to be and then presumably the stress of needing to be regular meant I was anything but! This did cause us financial problems as we simply couldn't book flights until the day before we were due to travel and as sods law would have it, always ended up having to travel first thing on a monday morning when everything was much more expensive! Clearly if you're going to Australia you'll be spending much longer times there and can plan to be in the right place for well over a week so hopefully this would not affect you.

I wish you all the best although to be quite honest, I wouldn't swap places with you... it sounds like a long shot to me.

drivingmisscrazy · 26/02/2011 10:20

dogscats - congratulations! Your process sounds pretty like ours, actually - except we used a known donor. Weird things happen alright - we had a couple of chemical pregnancies that threw cycles off and sometime introducing sperm into the equation alters your cycle.

it took us a bit longer (but we were DIY and it took a few goes to get it timed correctly for DP- at least 1 day before ovulation, preferably 2) - we also had a mmc after cycle 5, and DD was conceived 2 months after that. We are now trying for no. 2 (and have just had one of those cycles where DP had loads of preg symptoms - and she knows what it feels like - but BFN. Still waiting for period to arrive, so assuming again a chemical).

Hope that you have a good labour - how exciting!

dogscatsandbabies · 28/02/2011 09:31

driving- Good luck with number 2. Where abouts in Ireland are you?

drivingmisscrazy · 28/02/2011 13:11

Dublin; you? I travel up and down a fair bit to Belfast for work stuff (well, 5-6 times a year!)

dogscatsandbabies · 01/03/2011 14:10

Co. Down, not far from Newtownards so north of Belfast. Most of my travelling down to Dublin is concert related, work not that exciting sadly!

drivingmisscrazy · 02/03/2011 10:11

I am afraid that very soon your days of trekking to Dublin for concerts will be a distant memory, for a while at least. Do let us know how you get on - do you know what you're having? well, other than a baby, obviously

dogscatsandbabies · 03/03/2011 15:15

No, still a surprise. Don't even really have an inkling or suspicion.

Unfortunately, we are gonna have to work out how to do trips down to Dublin as have Take That tickets for Croke in June and really don't want to miss it but I imagine it will take some military precision to get little one looked after as I'm planning to be breastfeeding!!! I'm sure we'll work it out somehow!

drivingmisscrazy · 24/03/2011 20:54

dogscats - assume that you have had your baby by now? Do tell...

dogscatsandbabies · 25/03/2011 14:11

Sorry... should have given an update for you sooner but have been a little distracted!!! Poppy Caiomhe born 7th March weighing 7lb 8 and absolutely perfect. She has forgotten how to sleep in the last few days but has such beautiful eyes I don't even care that they're open 22 hours a day!!!

Any news on your attempts and that BFN?

drivingmisscrazy · 25/03/2011 16:07

lovely news! gorgeous name - I love the name Caoimhe, but won't work with surname...

actually, DP got BFP yesterday (3rd cycle) - so very early days, and she is a bit ancient, so we are being cautious with our joy...fingers crossed.

Congratulations to you and DP and welcome to Poppy!

dogscatsandbabies · 28/03/2011 12:50

driving- that is such great news for you guys, I really hope it all goes well for you. Names are so tricky, we liked lots of Irish names but as we're both from England how to spell them was a big discussion! But we decided in the end to stay traditional and pay no attention to my poor old dyslexic dad who doesn't ever stand a chance of remembering how to spell it!

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