another confused mum... just need to talk

[waybuloowater]

Hello... hoping that someone might talk something through with me as I have no one that I can talk about this to in real life. Have been reading some of the posts here about people confused about sexuality, and I am hoping someone might help me figure out what's going on with me!

Have had feelings for women on and off throughout my life but never anything that would make me consider myself as 'bi'. Have always dated men, and have been married for 5 years to someone who is lovely but we've never been terribly compatible sexually. We have two little girls and I'm very happy, and usually am so tired that sex just doesn't really matter!

Anyway, several months ago at work, we hired a new girl who is a lesbian. She's on a short term contract until the spring. She is in a relationship, so is essentially unobtainable. As am I, technically! I have found myself really, really attracted to her to the point where I am fantasizing about her constantly, including when I'm in bed with DH. She is amazing and gorgeous, and if we were both single (and didn't work together) I would totally do something about it.

Can anyone offer me any advice, or just talk some sense into me? Part of me wants to believe that the rules are different with lesbian relationships but I'm sure that cheating is cheating no matter what... and I should stop fantasizing! Sooooo confused!
Thanks...

Behave with integrity. Your children deserve

If you're attracted to someone else, no matter what sex, you're married. You have made a commitment to that person and in having children have made a promise to them.

Think about what you DO have. If you're gay or think you might be gay... work it out in your own head before you go and make any decisions based on lust.

Ultimately, your husband should be treated with respect. It's not fair to use your sexuality as an excuse for behaviour that is obviously immoral.

Cheating causes so much pain for everyone. Could you talk to your husband about it now and work something out together? Maybe some time away?

Thank you, I have just been so consumed by this that I'm glad to have expressed it here and gotten feedback. I know that it's completely out of order to even be thinking about jeopardising my marriage.

Background info- Years ago when I mentioned I was curious about women, DH used to say that if I had a fling it wouldn't bother him... Though I doubt he was thinking of it seriously. As for the woman at work, I sometimes get intense 'vibes' so to speak- she looks at me so intensely that it feels like when men have been interested in the past. So, I don't know what she's thinking or how committed she is to her partner. It's hard to touch upon these things as we have to remain professional.

I don't think I would act on this lust as I know that it would be hurtful and would possibly end my marriage. I'm just confused- can you suddenly turn from straight to gay? Do others go for years without ever having a same sex relationship then one day meet someone who completely changes them?

Again I stress that I wouldn't ever want to do something to hurt the people in my life. So please don't condemn me just yet, I'm just voicing thoughts in my head that I am actually afraid of. I'm just trying to make sense of feelings that I have never experienced before.

Thanks and much love-

Hi.

Been there...well actually still am there.
If you need to talk just send me a message.

I know is difficult because you need to keep appearence because of the situation.

Been and still there.

If you need a friendly non-judgemental ear just send me a message.

Hi,
I came out in my early twenties, though had been attracted to women to some degree, since puberty. I have a ten year old son from the heterosexual marriage I was in at the time. It was a very difficult place to be, you have my sincerest sympathy. On a lighter note, 10 years on and I'm all sorted.

Counselling could help or google the local lesbian line for your area. Feel free to message me if you think I can be of any further help.