lenin I do think there's something to be said for assuming the normality of our families rather than their exceptionalism, whilst recognising that the latter also needs to be addressed sometimes. And the point about them being 'out' on our behalf - well, it's not their sexual (and other) identity - we wouldn't necessarily expect them to unquestioningly embrace other aspects (vegetarianism, or pacifism) and I think it's important to recognize their need to negotiate and mediate their families - actually much as many other children do. No-one on my street seems to care, certainly not enough to worry about play-dates: I assume that they've already had to give their little ones some kind of explanation, as DD (and the 2 of us) is constantly running up and down on the road outside.
I hope things are OK with DS1 - I have obviously missed some posts along the line.