How and when did you tell the GPs that your child has come out?

[ElfinsMum]

Our eldest (DD14) came out to us as bi a few months ago. How did you tell the GPs? Did you (parents) do it or your child? How long did you wait? What were reactions like?

I am nervous my parents will be dismissive or even laugh it off since DD has not had any girlfriend or boyfriend as yet. They are fully signed up Guardianistas and proud of it but actually have form for being judgey and blurting hurtful sexist claptrap.

My MIL is a practising Catholic, retired Catholic teacher in a part of the UK with a large and observant Catholic community. I am uncertain what PIL's reaction would be. Tbf, they have been surprisingly accepting of my SIL's quite unusual family set up. My own parents even commented they were surprised by this (good example of one of their off the cuff bitchy judgements)!

We have a family visit coming up so we need to work out what we're going to do about this.

In my experience as a bisexual woman, don’t tell anyone until/unless it’s something that needs telling. You wouldn’t ordinarily tell GPs if you/your child is attracted to someone unless it was a serious relationship so it’s not something they need to know yet especially if you are worried about backlash. I didn’t even ever tell the potentially problematic members of my family, I decided I would when I had been seeing a girl for a few months and was sure it was going somewhere, then I ended up in a relationship with now-DH when I was 23. The response when another family member came out was predictable and I’m glad I waited. I get the need to share this but it’s not time yet and if you leave it, you might never have to, not because it’s a phase (I don’t believe that at all) but because there’s a 50% chance she will meet a boy she likes and never have to have that awkward conversation or the lifelong judgment. I know others will disagree but to me this needs a protective approach.

I wouldn't say anything at all, like the previous poster. There's just no need unless and until she has a girlfriend or eg wants to chat about the political/human rights side and explain she has a personal perspective. Not just to protect her from judgement, either, but also because there truly is no need. That's not the same thing as thinking it should be kept secret, it's just that it doesn't need announcing.

“No need to announce it. No one announces they are hetro, why should anyone need to announce they are gay. “ That was ds’s take on it - so we respected that. He also did not wish to share with his grandparents - both strong religious backgrounds- he didn’t want to upset them and he didn’t want them to judge him. We respected his decision. I think they’d have been fine but not my news to share. He wants his sexuality to be low key, non event.

Ultimately It’s up to your DD if she shares this info but I would encourage her to wait until she has a partner serious enough to introduce to them all.

Yeah obviously not telling looks like easiest route for now. But I also don't want her to feel closeted with them if that makes sense?

I told my parents that DD was a lesbian when she was about 16 and they kept harping on about her best friend (boy) being ‘the one’. Her best friend is gay and quite a shy lad and whenever GPs saw them both at family lunches etc, it was torture.

Five years on I think that they’ve forgotten I ever told them tbh, but life moves on and DD doesn’t see them very much because she’s at uni and they no longer drive.

Perhaps best to say nothing along with the religious angle they may try and push their beliefs on your DD.
No need for big announcements she's 14 and probably still working out her place in the world.

She can ‘work out her place in the world’ whilst knowing that she is a lesbian at 14 you know @TheDellsYoursongNsoul .

Fair enough I didn't mean anything by that regarding her sexuality.
In this day and age no one should have to explain or confirm their sexuality.

I was trying to figure out why you'd need to tell your family doctor (GP) 😂 I think ask DD what she'd like and follow her lead. But I agree that you wouldn't announce being hetero. When she has a partner to introduce would make sense.