Any Movie or documentary suggestions that are more positive

[HHsoul]

Ideas wanted please

Just trying to embrace this next chapter in our lives a bit

Can you be more specific about what you want to learn about?

Just to help my 11, and to help us to get used to it

Can be things that me and dh could watch together, like I did think about watching dear Simon

Get used to what?

Of you want to watch something together, heartstopper is quite good. It's on Netflix and is very accessible. Lots of nice consent stuff, and teens being kind to each other. It has, gay, lesbian, asexual and transgender characters.

Thanks I'll start with that

This is the key question.

If it's about getting used to a child being gay, there are lots of positive films. Thankfully homophobia is lessening these days and this is reflected in the arts.

If it's about getting used to a child believing that they have a gender identity that differs from their sex, the best place to start would be reading the Cass Report to understand the risks of entering a pathway of medical intervention. The risk starts with social transition, which can solidify the belief and increase the likelihood that a child may go on to remove body parts and/or take hormones which will permanently damage their endochrine system. In the UK, the latter is available from the age of 16 but social transition can start the pathway towards this from a much earlier age.

The most unhelpful films and TV series are those that conflate LGB with T. Heartstopper being a good example of this kind of muddle.

An 11 year old who thinks he's gay, nothing to do with trans

So don’t sit and watch films that conflate the two then.

If your kid said they were heterosexual would you need to watch films about it? Someones sexuality is the least interesting thing about them. Just say okay dear and move on to more interesting subjects.

The absolute last thing I'd have wanted to do as a sexually awaking teen would be watching docs about sexual stuff with a parent.

I'd be tempted to leave a few gay coming of age books casually dotted around the house for him to discover. Anything by Edmund White? Call Me By Your Name? You'd obviously need to be comfortable with some fairly explicit material.

Personally I'd shrug and leave him to it.

Would just saying ok dear, and changing the subject be a bit dismissive to a crying young child that’s not even gone through puberty

I wasn’t suggesting to watch anything with him
more for me and dh to get our heads around it
and to see some positivity about it all

Only reason it worries us too, is because most people want their kids to have the happiest life possible
not to have to face challenges and prejudices and stress etc
and have to deal with crap that makes life harder

not being honest about things doesn't help anyone
let’s just be real it’s so hard to have real conversations with anyone about the worry and sadness

doenst mean we don’t love him unconditionally and wholeheartedly

that’s why I actually want to try and embrace this
whist also telling him well when love gone through puberty then see, rather than box yourself in at 11 when certain hormones aren’t even flowing through your body yet and you’ve got a lot of changes to go through first

What’s he crying about though?

It sounds like you've provided yourself your own answer here. Effectively, don't sweat it as it's too early to be thinking about sexual orientation.

As long as he grows up knowing that his parents aren't homophobic, that's all he really needs right now. That and parents who are aware of the significant difference between being LGB (sexual attraction to others) and T (predicated on a belief that we all have a gendered soul that is separate from our sexed bodies) and why not understanding this is dangerous to those who might end up confusing a belief in gender identity with the stereotypes that society places on to men and women.

Why is it dangerous? Unfortunately many teenagers and young adults who might otherwise simply grow up gay are caught up in a world that teaches them that if they are a male who likes "girly" things and is sexually attracted to boys, they might not actually be a boy at all. Likewise for females who like "boy" things and are attracted to girls. The muddling up of LGB and T is putting vulnerable teenagers and young adults onto a pathway of medical intervention at an age where they should be able to explore their feelings safely.

Why are you not being real? It obvious it a lot for most people let alone a little 11 year old

I must admit, I'm finding your situation a bit confusing to follow OP.

As you said above, it's way too early for your son to be thinking in terms of a settled sexual orientation. He might be gay, he might not. He might experiment with gay relationships when that feels right as he grows up and that might help him figure himself out. Equally, he might not.

It isn't entirely clear what he's crying about though. If you can clarify that, it does help to narrow down what advice or suggestions you're looking for on here. For example, do you think he's worried that you and your husband might reject him if he is gay? I.e. is that why he's crying? Or is he noticing that school children unfortunately still often use "gay" as an insult? Yes, sadly this does happen in primary schools too.

Too late to catch the edit feature..... or is he crying for a different reason? If so, is it clear to you what that is?

OP, I think it’s ok to just watch shows where character/s might be gay but that sexuality is incidental to the storyline. It’s not something that’s shameful or even really a big deal to most people your DS will come across. And like a PP said, if he is gay it certainly won’t be the most interesting thing about him.

If he’s not gone through puberty how does he know for sure he’s gay or who he is sexually attracted to? I would be playing this down right now and not making it a big deal for you, your dh or your son. Just tell him you love him, give him a hug and do something nice together and all move on with your lives (without watching any LGBT films)