My 11 year old ds told me he has a crush on a boy and it’s got out and now he’s worried about bullying

[HHsoul]

He told a friend who his crush is and that friend spread it round
now he’s worried about going back to school
he’s only 11 and hasn’t been gone through puberty yet
isn’t this a bit early to come out with these things ?

Not quite sure how to navigate this

any good films or documentary’s etc that could be a scourge of positivity or good influence
even if just for me and dh

Bless him. No, 11 is not ‘too young’ for a crush. I remember having crushes before leaving primary school.

Has he mentioned he likes boys before?
I would just validate his feelings and ride it out, e.g that’s nice I hope he likes you too..

I don't think it's that early, a lot of heterosexual people have their first crushes around that age or earlier. I think because it's not seen as taboo in the same way today to be LGBT, children are more aware and where they have feelings about someone of the same sex they may be able to express this whereas in our generation, I remember at age 11 having a vague sense of what the word "lesbian" meant but it definitely seemed like something a bit naughty and adult, rather than something as normal and mundane as who you might get married to later on.

If there's an understanding teacher you could perhaps have a word so they can keep an eye out in case there is bullying?

No he had a girlfriend for 6 months
then after they broke up
he said she had been hitting him everyday
in primary school

he can exaggerate a bit I think at times

I wouldn’t overthink it. He’s young, he needs a cuddle and telling everything will be fine (which it will be). Who knows if he’ll grow up gay but I wouldn’t worry about it right now.

Apprently he boy doesn't like him back, and has been staring at him and giving him evil looks since he found out

hardly come out in the best way really as I thjnk only reason he’s told us is because he’s now worrried about going back to school
after his friend spilt the tea …..

would’ve preferred
him

Kids are often much more accepting these days - but he really needs to know his parents are on side. Tell him you're really glad he felt able to tell you and hopefully everyone at school will think it's no big deal - but that if he has any issues he can let you know or speak to a teacher because some kids are immature and not always very nice. Tell him you're always there for him no matter what.

To have told us
that he was interested in boys that at before he started telling friends
now he’s got into a pickle from the off 🙈🙈

See how tomorrow goes, hopefully it won't be nearly as bad as he thinks.

I just think how can you say that when you’ve not even gone through puberty

certain hormones haven’t even started flowing through your body yet

the person’s has a crush on he’s never even spoken to, so it must be looks based
as dh asked him what it is he likes about him, is it he’s funny or kind or cool and ds goes
I’ve never even spoke to him

he’s sibling has said just denie you’ve even said that or you will get bullied and he’s only just started at secondary school
he’s only 11

I hope you get some more helpful and informed responses, but didn't want your post to just vanish!

Firstly, I think children do start to have an awareness of their sensuality at this age, but it isn't necessary set or fixed. I'm straight, and always knew that without realky questionning, so why would it be different for someone gay? There's no reason to think the puberty would change this.

That said I've got gay and bi friends that experimented with different relationships during their teens before settling down. So, it is possible he might yet decide that he's not gay.

I imagine it might have been really hard for him to tell you about this. You must have an excellent relationship. I think the most important thing is that he knows he has your unconditional love and care - that this doesn't bother you. That's a strong foundation to survive any bully from.

Hopefully it all blows over in school, these things do. It's really quite uncool to be homophobic these days, so he might well find others have his back. But if it doesn't die down, the school should support.

He’s really only told us because he’s now dreading school

we can make sure his home life is full of love and unconditional support

yet no idea about school

as his school sadly
excellent
hopeless at dealing with bullying

School excellence at education
hopeless at dealing with bullying

Poor lad. Lots of reassurance. Ask him if he remembers what was school gossip /drama of the week last month? Point out how these things don't stay a big deal. Tomorrow might be hard, but then it's the weekend, and my Monday it'll already be starting to be old news? (Hopefully)

I think if he’d had chosen to tell us it might feel a bit different but it’s like he’s so worried about going back
that’s the only reason he told us
and he was acting moody about nothing so I asked him what was up….

son its not like he just chose to open
although he could have just said nothing when I asked him
I guess

What do you think to his siblings advice to deny saying that ? Because he’s only 11

sibling stays wait till your bearer the end of secondary school to see if you still feel the same or you will get years of hell

Do you think it's wrong his sibling saying deny saying it until your older

What happened in the end?

Obviously coming to this a bit late, sorry, but kindly, I don’t think his sibling’s advice is helpful or good. It’s sending him the message that he needs to hide who he is because people won’t accept him. If he does end up liking boys, his sibling is literally telling him to keep it a secret because other kids will view him as not okay as he is. I’d focus on supporting him and empowering him to be comfortable as he is, whoever that ends up being.

Honestly, 11 doesn’t feel “too early” to have a crush on someone — kids get feelings way before puberty actually kicks in. Most of us probably had our first crush in primary school, even if we didn’t put big labels on it.
The real issue here isn’t that he likes a boy, it’s that his “friend” spread it around. That would be stressful for any kid, no matter who the crush was on. I’d focus on reassuring him that having feelings is totally normal, and that nothing he said was wrong or embarrassing.
Maybe have a quiet word with the school so they keep an eye out for any bullying. Sometimes these things blow over faster than we think, especially if adults handle it calmly.
But no, it’s not “too early” — it’s just early for dealing with other kids being immature about it. He sounds like a sweet, open kid who trusted the wrong person, and he needs support more than anything else right now.