Page 2 | Trans daughter

Shouldibefedup · 2025-05-13T08:10:43+00:00

Obviously I love them, but I am being judged as transphobic by friends, and my child. Nothing I can do or say will convince people otherwise. help!

Original poster

Shouldibefedup · 20/08/2026 20:59

Kalalily · 13/05/2025 15:58

We are in an almost identical situation and have been for the last year OP.

We have also been called transphobic by our child and I’m sure some of our friends have thought that but haven’t said it. What we are could not be further from the truth, if this was somebody else’s child we would use whatever name or pronouns we were asked to use and wouldn’t think too deeply about it. We would probably do what numerous teachers up and down the country are doing and be kind and supportive However, as it is our own child we are in the unenviable position of having to research this topic in order to educate ourselves and try to prevent our autistic young person from irreversible harm.
One year on, all I can tell you is that I have not been able to find anything concrete to suggest that there is such a thing as being born in the wrong body. However, there is plenty of evidence for the harmful effect of trauma, sexual abuse and bullying on one’s identity and Neurodivergence adds another layer of complexity onto this.
As far as I can tell medicine seems to be split down the middle on this issue with some doctors affirming without question and others being critical. The NHS in general seems to be very affirming as are all of the private gender clinics, who seem to be motivated by money and do not take a holistic approach.
The only advice I can give you is to maintain and strengthen your connection with your child. Make sure they know, as a previous poster said, that you are the one person in this world who has their best interests at heart and that you will never abandon them.
Good luck OP. You are not alone in this impossible and heartbreaking position.
The only positives I can see are that the recent Supreme Court ruling made it easier for people to speak out and speak up. And the Cass Report offers some hope of holistic care going forward.
In the way that someone on a different thread likened anorexia to an extreme form of self harm, this too seems to be the same 😢

Hello!
thank you for asking. I imagine I feel pretty similar to kalalily and many other parents. She has cut all contact with us, encouraged by her girlfriend who is trying to medicalise herself into being a boy, and their awful, evil, family.
I'm heartbroken, confused and so so sad. It’s been a massive learning curve. Friends don’t get it, especially the ‘be kind’ brigade.
one friend finally began to get it when DH told him that 51% of the population is female and you want to give more importance to the 0.7% ( or whatever it is). He hadn’t heard that men get turned on by wearing dresses. (!) and genuinely thinks transvestites are all gorgeous souls who are lovely. This is someone that I thought was pretty worldly. He’s lived in nyc ffs.

our daughter has vanished from all social media so we are very afraid she’s medicalising too.
it’s like she’s died but without the closure.
DH is following billboard Chris, Helen Joyce etc. I can’t deal with it all, it’s too much.
and so insidious what they are doing in schools etc. so I’m trying not to drink too much basically.
While I’m here I may as well do something positive and post this. Please read and share.

sorry! I can trundle along ok, if I don’t think about her. I do, obviously, every day.
thanks for asking! That’ll learn you to be nice!!

citizengo.org/en-gb/fm/18591?campaign=EN_GB-2026_08_18-No_LGBT_Indoctrination_In_GCSEs_B_TEST-ZRE-AA_NA-LO-FM-18591-L3-WZNDH-455219&dr=4179761::7ba29ba1ccd196467dd27c527ec4b2a8&utm_source=em&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=EN_GB-2026_08_18-No_LGBT_Indoctrination_In_GCSEs_B_TEST-ZRE-AA_NA-LO-FM-18591-L3-WZNDH-455219&utm_content=link_ps_aa_1

OP posts:

OneMauveOP · 20/08/2026 21:39

dinodart · 07/06/2026 03:13

Women taking T is dangerous. Many women taking it at high doses for their gender identity experience serious health issues. The "euphoria" from it can only last long. Definitely best to wade cautiously, as it could make them a medical patient for life.

You do realise that testosterone is also a naturally occurring hormone in women, and that many women take testosterone as part of their HRT, particularly after a full hysterectomy and removal of the ovaries? Women need testosterone in their bodies too.
When women have very low or virtually no testosterone, it can contribute to things like extremely low libido, reduced sexual function, fatigue, loss of muscle mass and strength, reduced bone health and changes to overall wellbeing.
So saying testosterone is simply “dangerous” for women is a pretty misleading blanket statement. The dose and the levels it produces in the body matter. There is a huge difference between medically prescribed testosterone replacement to bring a woman’s levels into a physiological range and taking high doses to produce masculinising effects.
You can absolutely discuss the risks of high-dose testosterone in the context of transitioning, but that doesn’t make testosterone itself dangerous to women. Women naturally produce testosterone and our bodies need it too.

Kalalily · 20/08/2026 21:44

Please join Bayswater Support Group if you haven’t already done so. Everyone there is a parent and thinks like us. Some are estranged and will empathise with what you are going through. It is horrendous but you don’t have to go through this alone

HermioneWeasley · 20/08/2026 21:57

I’m so so sorry to read your update @Shouldibefedup , I was hoping for better news. I hope she comes back to you.

it is an evil, evil cult

Wowthatwasabigstep · 20/08/2026 21:58

https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/

SharonTheCow · 20/08/2026 22:00

Maddy70 · 14/05/2025 16:57

You can't do anything about it as she is an adult. So the time has come to put your feelings aside and support her go with to appointments , call her whatever she wants to be called and start learning how to have s relationship with the new version of your child or lose her

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm fucking sick of this rhetoric that you have to go along with this shit completely or lose your child!!

I didnt! I helped her and now she is her normal self again and THANKS me for not letting her go down that rabbit hole!!

Wowthatwasabigstep · 21/08/2026 09:44

Maddy70 · 14/05/2025 16:57

You can't do anything about it as she is an adult. So the time has come to put your feelings aside and support her go with to appointments , call her whatever she wants to be called and start learning how to have s relationship with the new version of your child or lose her

OP completely ignores this absurd advice, call your child by the name you gave them and definitely not by the ‘new’ name.

Push back every time on the dogma whilst reassuring your child in whatever way you can that nothing has changed in your love for them but just because they identify as something doesn't make it a reality, it is a cult at the end of the day.

I shall now sit and wait for this comment to be deleted as facts are frowned upon by the powers that be 🙄

Kalalily · 21/08/2026 13:54

Wowthatwasabigstep · 21/08/2026 09:44

OP completely ignores this absurd advice, call your child by the name you gave them and definitely not by the ‘new’ name.

Push back every time on the dogma whilst reassuring your child in whatever way you can that nothing has changed in your love for them but just because they identify as something doesn't make it a reality, it is a cult at the end of the day.

I shall now sit and wait for this comment to be deleted as facts are frowned upon by the powers that be 🙄

Show quote history

I haven’t seen any posts get deleted on this topic since I started posting, which must be well over a year ago. There seems to be a lot more sense now around this subject, certainly within the wider population.
So much harm was done when people like us were silenced and had our comments deleted. At the end of the day, we are the ones who are closest to the matter and who know our children and know the complexities of their situation. Shame on those like Maddy70 who still call for unquestioning affirmation, despite the genuine harms that have been brought to light by detransitioners. It’s possible, Maddy70 is a gender questioning young person or the mum of a distressed young person. I hope Maddy70 has genuine people to turn to for support. But if not, should feel free to ask any questions here. We will engage with all sides because we want the best for our young people.

Original poster

Shouldibefedup · 23/08/2026 11:48

Wise words kalalily thank you all.

OP posts: